Are Your Expectations Helping Or Hurting Your Dating Life?

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My new obsession is the BBC show ‘Luther’ starring my old obsession Idris Elba. He’s tall, handsome, distinguished, and intelligent and that British accent is just as sexy as it wants to be. Do I expect to run into an Idris Elba look-alike anytime soon? No. But could I see myself dating that ‘type’ of man, of course.

Meeting the people we can imagine ourselves dating treating us the way we want to be treated is a rare thing in dating. It’s happened to me a few times but I can’t say I was smart enough to take advantage of those situations.

Nowadays I don’t get what I expect as often as I want and it has me thinking, should I still want it? Is what you want still realistic and at this point do you expect to get it.

To say no is defeatist. You can get whatever you want, once you believe right? I mean… I want to believe that but do I? Am I acting like I do? No, because I’m not dating an Idris Elba look-alike and currently I am not holding out for one either because what comes with expectations are inevitably disappointments.

Dating is complicated enough without compounding it with misplaced expectations. Then I have to wonder, do I have high hopes for my dating life or not? Am I worth waiting for what I want or not? Is waiting even a smart idea? Isn’t time of the essence, isn’t now all we have, will the right person ever come along? One question only leads to the next, one after another.

One thing I know, you’ll never get what you want unless you try. If you don’t pursue the kinds of dates you want, you’re less likely to get them. What you want isn’t what someone else wants and it shouldn’t be. Don’t live your life according to other peoples’ standards. If it makes you happy, pursue it.

Keep your expectations as high as possible. When potential dates come close they’ll far exceed the status quo. The higher you keep your expectations the more you’ll get out of what you get. And when you get what you want, it will be amazing.

Thoughts?

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Miss Solomon

Founder at The Dating Truth
Dating and relationship expert. Lover of people. Relationship Coach and part-time stylist. Miss Solomon has a passion for writing about love, creating love strategies and mastering self- love.

One thought on “Are Your Expectations Helping Or Hurting Your Dating Life?

  1. You’re right that you’ll never get what you want unless you try. It’s also important to understand the differences between preferences and standards. Some folks don’t realize that it’s their preferences holding them back, not standards.

    If a standard is that your man needs to have integrity, but your preference is that he’s at least 6’4″, you’re lowering your chances by an exponential amount.

    Not to say you HAVE to lower your preferences, but having an understanding of this impacts you can help you make more informed decisions.

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