The Dating Truth

Most single people never stop to ask themselves, if they’re a good dater. I wrote a post about the type of man every woman wants and I encourage men to look through the traits and ask, “Is that me?”

I share this information with men because that’s who I date. Although I’ve been extremely lucky in dating, having met lots of wonderful men, I haven’t been successful in love.

It’s been difficult for me to find a man interested in me that embodied the characteristics that I needed.

If you read enough self-help books on dating, there comes a point where you’ve come up with a list of character traits your ideal mate will have. Most books will encourage singles to make a list of what they think they want in a partner then slowly and methodically have them weed out negotiable items like height, hair color, or even race etc.

The most important elements of a desired candidate being the intrinsic behavioral patterns that can either make or break the relationship. Things like honesty, integrity, fairness etc. But when most singles date they don’t think of these intangibles. They consider chemistry, looks, and financial success over kindness, loyalty and consideration. I wrote about the ideal man. The type of man every woman is looking for, whether she knows it or not.

A man should be reliable…

Adjective: Consistently good in quality or performance; able to be trusted.

Noun: A person or thing with such trustworthy qualities.

Synonyms: trustworthy – dependable – trusty – sure – safe – sound

Not only in his word but in his actions.

Have you ever gone back on your word? Have you ever said one thing but did another? When a man isn’t consistent with his words and his actions being with him becomes unpredictable, which sucks. It isn’t just about being an asshole; it can be as simple as being extremely attentive before a woman sleeps with you then being completely aloof afterwards. (Okay so maybe that is a little asshole-ish)

It can be as small as making plans for a date, then flaking at the last-minute without word or warning. It can even be the multiple occasions, ‘Something came up’ excuse that leads a man to become someone who doesn’t follow through on promises.

A woman wants to be able to be right about a man. She wants to know that he will do the things he’s promised to do most, if not all of the time. If you become a man who is constantly breaking plans or dates, you become unreliable.

I find that most people (men specifically) are unreliable for two reasons in dating.

1.  They have an agenda. When someone you’re dating has an agenda, they will do whatever it takes to gain your trust, so you will give in to what they want. This isn’t fair or right but it happens all the time.
2.  They aren’t sure how much they like you. Being unreliable likely means disappointing the person that you’re dating. When someone is unsure about their feelings for you, it’s easy for them to sometimes put in effort and sometimes not.

Reliability has a lot to do with expectations. Women don’t always place high expectations on men. Some women are fully willing to wait and see what a man can offer before expecting anything. But unreliable men can sometimes future fake. They become so involved in “getting” the woman that they can’t see the forest for the trees.

Meaning it becomes more important to be liked than to investigate how much you like the other person. You can’t be reliable in seduction. Then men begin to “Slow things down” which may alter or change their once eager and romantic behavior, making their actions seem untrustworthy, deeming them in a woman’s mind unreliable.

Being reliable, whether you are a man or a woman, makes the person you’re dating feel safe. It shows the person that they can enjoy consistency in their relationship. It allows them to trust that you are who you say you are and that you will do the things you say you’ll do.

A reliable person:

Does what they say they’re going to do

Matches their actions with their words

Is dependable

Being reliable simply means, giving a shit all the time, not some of the time or just when you feel like it.

Thoughts?