Dating has nothing to do with looks.
I hate to break it to you because all this time you’ve been blaming your poor dating fortune on the crappy cards you’ve been dealt in the looks department but they don’t matter.Don’t give me the old, well it’s easy for an attractive person to say that looks don’t matter. But it’s the truth.
When it comes to dating looks don’t matter as much as you think they do. What matters is perception. How your looks are perceived is more important than how great looking you are.
What matters more than anything is the way that you can make someone else feel.
Think about whether the most attractive people you know are single or in relationships. Of the ones in relationships think about if they’re happy. The reason you believe, as many people do, that being lovable has something to do with looks boils down to good old-fashioned propaganda.
The other reason you think that looks play an important part in your dating success or failure is because it’s an easy excuse. It’s convenient to say that someone wasn’t interested in you because of how you looked. You weren’t their type.
I’m going to call bullshit on you for a moment but hear me out. The western world is all about perception. We are a society of sellers and consumers. People, the public, want to be sold.
It is your job as a single, available, viable candidate for their love to sell yourself. (And by all means not short)
So what do I mean that it is your job to sell yourself? No way, isn’t love all about chemistry and fairy dust and unicorns? Blah, blah, blah. No. It’s not.
Let’s get real about your looks, what’s wrong with you? No honestly, what is wrong with you? Halle Berry, Zoe Saldana, Jennifer Lopez, Jennifer Aniston and Demi Moore are all single, but what’s wrong with you?
First let’s answer the obvious, there’s nothing wrong with you.
The only thing wrong with the way you look is that you think you should look another way but have not put the energy into looking that way.
It’s your own disappoint in you that creates insecurities not your looks. You have accepted the problem instead of identifying the problem and creating a solution. If you have a leak in your tire, you can either accept it or you can find the leak and patch it up. Your lowered self-value comes from knowing what you don’t like but failing to make the amendments necessary.
Any person can be good-looking. I repeat, any person can be good-looking, attractive, hot, and sexy and a host of other adjectives that you think successful dating requires. Clothes, White strips, an expensive haircut, a trip to the dermatologist and a gym membership, you’re damn near Brad Pitt.
But instead of taking time out of your busy schedule to focus on being the best looking person you can be, you have focused on your problems. You have spent an unhealthy amount of time wishing for change that will never come through desire alone.
Do you think I can pray my way to bigger boobs? False.
The most I can do is meditate that Victoria’s Secret will keep selling the ‘Miraculous’ bra or find eight grand for implants. Or, God forbid, I can accept that I have small breasts and like myself regardless. This is the truth about your looks. You aren’t happy with the way you look, but you’ve given up on yourself. You have sold yourself short. You have failed to make yourself feel good, failed to invest in you.
You feel inferior because you have failed to do the things that you know you should, whether it’s eat right and exercise or afford yourself an updated, flattering wardrobe.
Many singles that are unhappy with their looks do themselves a disservice by continually punishing themselves. You think you’re fat so you hate to shop, leaving your wardrobe pathetic at worst outdated at best.
You’re self-conscious about your acne so you pile on makeup instead of seeing a dermatologist. You don’t like how you look so you hide. To make it worst you beat yourself up about it. Stop it! Stop right now.
I used to do the same thing until I realized that rewards felt better than punishments, go figure. When I started working hard to lose weight the rewards of turning a head motivated me to work harder. I challenge you to start to like how you look on the outside.
Don’t bullshit me and don’t bullshit yourself. It’s not vain to look in a mirror and like what you see. The more you like you, the more options you will have in dating.
Making a change might be hard but remind yourself that you are worth the work!
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