What messages are you sending and believing about dating? Whatever they are, I hate to tell you, they’re probably flawed. We can’t control our thoughts. We can only control which thoughts we hold on to and which we let go of. Unfortunately, sometimes we don’t create the thoughts we let enter our minds. We hear messages or see images and create conclusions.
Because we have made these associations we think that they are true beliefs and convictions
When we see beautiful women with great looking men we think, ‘You need to be beautiful to have a man like that’. When we see wealthy men mistreating women we think ‘All rich men are assholes’. Women even believe that all gorgeous men, are male models or gay. Now there is a tendency to believe that if you are attractive, successful and educated men can’t handle it and you will remain single. Nothing could be further than the truth.
We allow ourselves to believe things that in actuality could never be true such as women who wear makeup are superficial, or women who don’t are earthy. We constantly take the messages that we see in commercials, magazines and on TV and transpose these ideas as judgments against others and ourselves. It’s that tape playing in your mind that says you don’t have enough of what it takes so you better make do with what you have or settle.
The thoughts that you constantly play in your mind are as follows:
- I wish I were thinner, smarter, prettier, funnier, taller, sexier, etc.
- I know I’m not the best-looking, richest, most interesting, the most outgoing person etc.
- I’m not that bad.
- I’m not that fat.
- At least I’m not like (someone else, much worse off than you)
These pacifying soundtracks run through the mind of many singles when they’re trying to find potential dates. It’s one thing to tell yourself a lie to feel better but trying to convince others, with their own beliefs of what’s acceptable and good enough is a different story.
Your potential dates already believe, similarly to you that it takes a certain level of looks, intelligence, personality and wealth to make it in this dating world. If you don’t fit their criteria, it will be difficult for them to take you seriously as a possible prospect. How can you change their minds? Instead of comparing yourself to the people who have it all, start to recognize what is real and what is perceived.
How attractive do you have to be?
As attractive as you believe is acceptable. If you feel like long hair and thin waists are sexy but you don’t have either, you are failing at your own standards. Once you set a standard for beauty, falling short of it will cripple yourself esteem. Maybe you need to be realistic. You aren’t Paul Walker, but if notice women falling for him like a latter-day Mel Gibson, why not acquire some of his most notable assets. Great hair, a sexy and toned body and of course a casual surfer chic style of dress. Falling short of what you consider to be attractive with only lower your perception of yourself.
Who can you date?
Whoever you can offer the most of yourself to, that’s who I would pursue. We see these famous women and assume that they have it all. Of course it’s hard to give them anything more. What man could possibly make them happy; they have everything that they need. If you are smart, successful and attractive you might believe that you’re doomed. You would have to marry a Prince or a CEO to be content. No man with less than you have to offer would ever be good enough. When you play those types of negative records in your head you fail to recognize the love, kindness, security and support that many potential dates do offer.
It isn’t so much what you offer in any one department, looks, finances, intelligence or more, it’s about what you are willing to give of yourself that makes you competitive.
Ask any man out there with a good job and a fancy car; the world is full of beautiful women. If we thought men only wanted model looking chicks, many of us would never get married. The truth is everyone offers different things. Make sure that your qualities are unique and defined. What you have to give is more valuable than anyone else, regardless what package it comes in.
What does it take to win?
In a nutshell, the only thing you need to attract the man or woman of your dreams is confidence and security. You have to feel secure in who you are and know that you are the best you that you can be. If you are not accepting of your flaws, the person that you’re dating will always intimidate you. They will seem more comfortable as they are, and this is very scary. Your mental script might be telling you that you’re not that great and someone of a certain caliber is out of your league. The truth is, if you want someone, or a certain type of person, there is little you can do to stop wanting them.
You might strike out with them constantly but you will continue to pursue them because you believe that their affection is the only validation worth having. You’ve been led to believe that if a certain type of person likes you, you’re ok.
In order to maintain a relationship with the person you’re interested in, you must trust that every quality you have is better than good enough it’s incredible! How you can come to this conclusion is by working very hard on the issues and areas you currently feel that you fall short. Imagine you were in a car show, wouldn’t you wash and wax your car before you took it out of the driveway? If you were headed on a road trip wouldn’t you make sure your car was in top condition?
You certainly wouldn’t look at the gas gauge and say, “Well it’s not full but at least it’s not empty.” Of course not! You would fill it with gas!
In order to get the person that you want, you must make sure you have what it takes. First you have to know what it takes and then you have to work tirelessly to have it.
You might have even been told, or heard that you don’t need to work hard. Love just happens and those who it happens to are lucky and those who fall short are losers. False.
The love you want is waiting for you out there, you only need to be ready to make the trip.