he’s not that into you… if he’s not calling you.
It was the reigning theme in the best-selling book by Greg Behrendt. In some cases this is clear and concise advice but just because a man doesn’t call you, doesn’t mean he’s not into you. Sometimes, but not every time.
Once, I dated a guy who would text me or call me every day from the day we met. One day he didn’t. I wasn’t freaked initially but I noticed there was something essentially missing in my day.
I was missing that important moment in my day when I would hear the alert of a message, check my phone then smile to myself knowing that this man was thinking of me.
Just one day without contact and I began to be alarmed. I called him, no response. The next day came and went without a text and again I reached out to no avail. I panicked. I used to always panic. I’m a worrier. Well I was a worrier and boy, did I begin to worry.
Long story short, we never spoke again. We didn’t talk it over and we didn’t try to see each other again. He pulled the classic fade out and it was a miserable experience. One that triggered a familiar reaction every time a man failed to called me.
Just because one man who doesn’t call isn’t interested doesn’t mean every man who doesn’t call isn’t interested.
What I have learned over the years is to put the situation in perspective. it might be tempting to think the way you’ve always thought or react the way you’ve already reacted but it isn’t smart. This is what you need to know when waiting for a man to call.
If it’s a game being emotional means you lose.
Have you heard of the three day rule? The classic advice taught for centuries that suggests that when a man gets a woman’s number he should wait three days to call. Maybe he’s obeying the rule or maybe you’ve been dating for awhile and he’s starting to flake.
He doesn’t call when he says he will but instead of freaking out, which I know you’re tempted to do, be calm.
You’re not angry that he didn’t call. You’re likely angry that this man has stirred feelings of past rejections, he’s forgotten about you, he’s made you feel small or some other negative feeling you’d rather not feel. If a man isn’t calling, don’t give him the satisfaction of seeing you squirm.
When he calls act cool, nonchalant like you hadn’t noticed that he hadn’t called. If he doesn’t call don’t take it as a sign that you were not wanted, liked or desired. If it’s not right for you then you don’t want it. If he isn’t right for you his not calling is proof.
You don’t have to answer when he does call
If the man you’re dating, or really into, doesn’t call when you expect him to then don’t feel obligated to answer if he calls when you don’t. People don’t like referring to love or dating as a game but you have to play like you have a life. You have to act as if you didn’t notice he hadn’t called. You have to pretend that your life is so full time slipped by without so much as a third thought about him.
You can play the game or you can be a victim but you can’t be both.
It’s not the end of the world, or your relationship
Be realistic. A phone call is not a big deal. It becomes a big deal when your frustration isn’t about what it’s really about. Maybe he’s always keeping you waiting or you feel like he’s only half invested. Maybe you’re fed up in dating and ready for a relationship.
Trying to use clues and behavior to prove commitment or interest never works. A man might really like you but that doesn’t mean he’ll date you the way that you want him to.
Don’t get upset about his lack of communication.
When waiting for a man to call you if he said he would, if he usually does or if you think its common courtesy always remember that the world will not end. Your life does not stop. Don’t assume that you missed the call or didn’t get the text or somehow Sprint has failed.
Perspective is everything when it comes to communication. You have to give a man every chance in the world to do the right thing. If he shows a blatant disregard for phone etiquette, keep it moving. He’s not worth it. But if he isn’t calling you it doesn’t always mean he’s not into you. He might be unaware that calls are important you to.
Before you take it personally, take a breath and think things through.
A man will call you because he wants something from you or he likes being around you. A man will call you if he had a good time with you and wants to feel good again.
If he isn’t calling you then reevaluate the relationship. Think about your last date or time together, if it was positive then there is nothing to worry about. Remember that dating is about enjoyment. If you’re frustrated by the man in your life then you’re missing an important element of dating.
Never let the good feelings go away. If he doesn’t call then lose the guy before your positive attitude.
I hope this was helpful.