He Hasn’t Called, Now What…

he’s not that into you… if he’s not calling you.

It was the reigning theme in the best-selling book by Greg Behrendt. In some cases this is clear and concise advice but just because a man doesn’t call you (or text), that doesn’t mean he’s not into you.

Sometimes, but not every time.

Once, I dated a guy who would text me, or call me every day. Until one day he didn’t. I wasn’t freaked initially, but I noticed there was something essentially missing in my day. Then I thought, has he lost interest?

While we hadn’t been dating very long, just one day without contact I began to be alarmed.

Long story short, I called him, no response. The next day came and went without a text and again I reached out to him. No response.

I did what most women do, I panicked.

We never spoke again. We didn’t talk it over, and we didn’t try to see each other again. He pulled the classic fade out and it was a miserable experience. It was true ghosting because back then social media didn’t allow me to keep tabs on him.

That experience triggered a familiar reaction. The fear you get when a guy you like isn’t reaching out to you. I had to remind myself of one important truth:

Just because one man, who doesn’t call isn’t interested, doesn’t mean every man who doesn’t call isn’t interested. 

When a man isn’t calling you, instead of worrying about what that means put the situation into perspective.

The objective is to maintain your sanity, and your emotional state. There is nothing more unattractive than an insecure woman projecting her insecurities on a man.

If you’re anxious about not hearing from the guy that you like, this is what you need to know when waiting for him to contact you.

Being emotional means you lose.

Have you ever heard of a thing called ‘the three day rule?’

This classic advice taught for centuries, encouraged men to get a woman’s number then wait wait three days to call, or make contact. In today’s modern world it seems pointless.

We are a society that hates waiting for anything.

If you meet a guy observing this rule, don’t freak. As much as we hate it, relationships take time. You have to give the courtship time to unfold. So if you’ve just met someone, take good inventory of your emotions. Ask yourself why you’re so invested, in a stranger? And find a way to calm yourself down.

If you’ve been dating a guy for awhile, and he doesn’t call or text when he says he will don’t freak out.

There are two things going on that you should observe. Being unreliable with his communication is a bad habit that has nothing to do with you. He’s risking you losing interest by his unreliable behavior.

What most women tend to do however is become upset by the lack of communication. The truth is, your emotions have been triggered and you’re not angry that he didn’t call,  you’re likely angry that this man has stirred feelings of past rejections.

This time he doesn’t call reminds you of all the guys, and all the times they didn’t call.

This non-call reminds you that you’re invested in someone who isn’t as invested in you. It reminds you that you need someone else’s attention to feel worthy.

All I can say is: GET A GRIP!

Your value is not based on someone else’s attention. If a man isn’t calling, or texting you, don’t give him the satisfaction of seeing you squirm.

You have to act like you didn’t even notice. You have to act like it doesn’t bother you. More importantly, you have to let it not bother you. You are in control of your emotions not him.

You don’t need his call or attention to feel good about yourself, or the relationship. You don’t need his call or text as a sign that he likes you.

You don’t have to respond

If the man you’re dating, or really into, doesn’t call when you expect him to then don’t feel obligated to answer when he does call.

Is this a game, yes. But it’s one worth playing. You want a man who is willing to invest in you the way that you are investing in him. Remember:

You can play the game or you can be a victim but you can’t be both.

Be realistic.

A phone call is not a big deal. A text is not a big deal. What really matters is how you feel when you’re with him. What matters is if this process feels good to you or not.

Are you frustrated because you like him so much, and you can’t wait to hear from him? Or are you frustrated because you like him so much and he’s making you feel worthless?

These are important questions to ask yourself.

Dating takes time. Maybe he is calling and texting but not at the speed or frequency that you would prefer. Then maybe you need to accept you’re being needy or impatient.

If he’s not calling or texting because he’s not interested then don’t compromise your values to be with someone who isn’t investing in you.

Relax

It’s ok to give a man every chance in the world to do the right thing. If he shows a blatant disregard for phone etiquette, keep it moving. He’s not worth it. But if he isn’t calling you, it doesn’t always mean he’s not into you. He might be unaware that calls are important you to.

Before you take it personally, take a breath and think things through.

At the end of the day, you have to decide for yourself what you want, and why you want it. Trying play detective and use a man’s contact frequency as a sign of interest never works.  Don’t get upset about his lack of communication. In fact, don’t get upset at all.

When waiting for a man to call you if he said he would, if he usually does, or if you think it’s common courtesy, always remember that the world will not end.

Your life does not stop.

If he isn’t calling you, or you feel uncomfortable calling him, then reevaluate the relationship. Dating is supposed to be fun. If it doesn’t feel good then lose the guy before you lose your positive attitude.

I hope this was helpful.

Want Exclusive Dating Advice?
Join my mailing list to receive strategies I only share with my community.
I respect your privacy. No Spam Ever.

email

You may also like

38 Comments

  1. It’s so easy to go batty waiting for a guy to get in touch, and I totally have a life! But it’s so true about the paranoia of being sent back to a time when you were disappointed or rejected. The current guy doesn’t necessarily deserve your anger or hurt from a past guy’s screw up.

  2. “If he doesn’t call then lose the guy before your positive attitude” Love it! What matters is how you feel (this is the only thing that matters) and none of us can control anything outside of ourselves. We can only control our own thoughts and emotions.

    All Good!

    1. Thanks for the wonderful comment! You just can’t lose your cool when a man hasn’t called. Sometimes its a learning experience more than anything else. You can always learn the lesson of patience.

  3. “You have to give a man every chance in the world to do the right thing. If he shows a blatant disregard for phone etiquette, keep it moving. He’s not worth it. But if he isn’t calling you it doesn’t always mean he’s not into you. He might be unaware that calls are important you to.” I am so glad I read this, Thank you.

    I’m exactly in this situation, my potential (Not sure if I should still refer to him as such but anyway …) has stopped calling, its been 8 days now (Yes I’m counting). If you had told me this a month ago, I would have laughed in your face. We called each other for hours, texts all day long, I hardly spoke to anyone else.

    For the first 2 days of his disappearance I freaked out, I was panicking all the way. After I realized he is really not calling (and I can’t make him), I just decided to let things be, I noticed my days were longer than ever but they have since gone back to normal. It stings I’m not gonna lie but I’m not gonna chase after him. I’M DOING ME NOW!

    Thank you again Miss Solomon ..

  4. From a guy’s point of view, we will chase a little, but if a woman acts like she’s too busy for us, especially after dating for a while, we will go away. A man likes to feel cool, safe, liked and loved. We’re not hunters who look at a woman as our prize. That’s crap and it’s lousy advice to give. The woman who is sweet… the one who tries a little harder when we get upset. The one who still likes us after we embarrass ourselves…That one]s a keeper. No text for three days? That means there’s a problem and you’d better give it some serious effort or you will be having dinner with your divorced friends again. If you find a man who responds to the chasing game, run! That guy will set his sights on a new girl sooner than you think. You find a guy who LIKES YOU… then make him feel useful and attractive. He won’t go away. Don’t play games. Initiate a fix if there’s a problem. We aren’t always good at that. We know that we are done if your interest drops. We will protect ourselves by bailing. Pretending your interest is waning? Making yourself too busy for us? Such terrible advice and I see it all the time. Get too busy for me and I’m out!! Ask me if we can spend the day together Saturday… I’m in.

    1. Thank you for your comment. Communication is a BIG issue when it comes to the first month of dating. We all want attention and yes a man should be making it rain with attention when you start dating but if he isn’t, that doesn’t always mean he’s not interested. Get to know the man and don’t be afraid to initiate contact.

      1. I met this guy online (about a month ago), we haven’t actually met in person yet, but it started off really well, we ended up texting all night (Yep, til stupid o’clock) for days, and I’ve noticed that he doesn’t text as much in the week, cause of work, but this weekend…no text at all…I’m totally freaking out!

        Should i be concerned???
        I really like him, just don’t know what to do, i seem to be starting the conversations about 90% of the time, but he does have a proper conversation most of the time, except last Thursday he didn’t last long, thought he was busy so left it, but nothing over the weekend 🙁

        Help!

    2. Great advice Jay.. I recently began dating a guy and for the past couple days he “appears” distant. I may have said a few things out of emotion, but I hope it did not run him away. It is nice to get a male’s perspective of things.

    3. You said men assume that we’re disinterested if you don’t hear from us. But what about us? I mean, the guy is interested, says he likes me alot, used to text and call me every day for the first 3 weeks. But for the past week, he’s been spotty. Now, I know that he has alot going on right now with a new job, having to find a new place to stay, among other things. I understand that we’re just dating and still in the getting to know eachother stage and that I can’t be up his arse 24/7. But for the past few 2 days, he hasn’t been responding to my texts or phone calls. Keep in mind, I last talked to him on Sunday. Sinc e then, I’ve texted him in the morning, because that’s what we did…one would text the other, then a phone call from one of us would follow shortly after. This time, though, I texted him and got nothing. Same thing happened today. Now, normally, by this point, I’d say forget him. If he can respond at some point during the day, that means he really isn’t interested. But based on all of the conversations we have had, I’m still hanging on to the hope that he’ll come around, because hopefully he’s telling me the truth that he really does like me and he’s trying to get things in his life straightened out before moving this friendship/dating relationship into something more. But what do I do with this? Give him more time and see if he comes around? If so, how much do I give him before I throw in the towel and say “next”? You say a man likes when a woman shows interest and that when she doesn’t, men will move on, instead of playing the hard to get game. But the same with us women. If a man tells me he really likes me and he doesn’t follow through with showing it by communicating, what am I supposed to do? Step up more and keep trying to contact him to let him know I still care? That comes across as needy. So, do I give him his space and let HIM come to me? If I do that, then according you to, I’m not showing interest and he’ll flake out.

      1. Thank you for commenting and you pose some very insightful questions. I think the key to communicating with the opposite sex is this. Always show that you’re interested and allow the other person to reciprocate. It’s important however to follow your emotions. If contacting the other person feels good because you genuinely want to show them attention, or connect with them that do so but if contacting them feels forced or uneasy or like you’re doing “work” then don’t contact them. My advice is when you have a routine with someone you’re dating don’t get anxious when it changes. Relationships will change and evolve and that’s not always a bad thing. I do believe that when a man is interested in you, he should be checking in with you and making sure that you know he’s there for you. Don’t accept anything less. I hope this was helpful.

    4. I agree with this. I don’t want to go too long without hearing from the guy I like. The right one is responsive. I made a mistake with one guy who was really busy. Freaked out all the time. I learned to just relax and text/call when I want. He would usually text back/answer the phone. When I freaked out, he went mia. I’ve since learned how to not invest all my hopes in dreams in whether or not it means anything if they don’t initiate. This guy is busy: very, very busy. I don’t need attention 24/7, if a guy won’t respond to my texts, which I consider a special effort on my part, then he’s wrong for me. I was able to appeal to my guy, who doesn’t want “drama,” (my freakouts). He’s been out of town, and responded to every text I sent him. Well I agonized about calling him, but I really wanted to talk to him. I decided to, he didn’t answer, but I left a message. He hasn’t gotten back to me, but I’m pretty positive he will, and I’ve got other guys in the works too. That helps, to date others before you’re committed to anyone. In the end, I don’t think it matters if you initiate conversations as long as you’re not overdoing it. You can be strong and independent, and start a conversation. Like you said, it shows we care. If they’re the right one they will respond. If they run for the hills when you texted them 2 days after not talking at all, then they weren’t really into you. I can’t say I’m not nervous I won’t hear from him, but I did what I wanted to do. I also left him options, call me if you want, I know you’re busy, just saying hi….argh.

      1. Thank you so much for sharing your comment, I think you are dead on. There will always be discomfort between what we want and actually getting it meaning, the wait can be stressful. We want attention now, and now, and now. But you’re right, you did what you wanted to do and that is the key. His response to you is not about you, it’s about him. It’s possible that he has things on his mind or going on that he needs to work out. What’s key is that he may or may not be the right person and this may or may not be the right time. No need to freak out, you know that it’s going to happen. I love your attitude and I agree with you, date other people. Follow the pleasure and things will work out the right way. There is nothing to worry about. Thanks for reading.

    5. Dating a man for almost 3 months. He lives 2 hours away. He would drive every wknd for almost 2 months to see me. Even drive one-time just to put breaks on my car and then going back home. We have been intimate once after 2 months of dating. I have driven a few times to him and thought I’d start to share in the commute. Last time we were together he ended up getting really sick. I spent the wknd with him. We went to dinner and then he started to get really sick. Like a bad cold…flu thing. I nurtured him, took care of him, gave him medicine, fluids and just layed with him. I left, he have me a kiss and hug and said he’d call me after he woke up. I texted him the next morning with baby are you ok, do you feel better? No response. Later that evening I texted him again and asked if he was alright. I then texted him in the morning and asked if he was in the hospital. No response. I waited 2 days and texted him again but this time said “I haven’t heard from you since Sunday. I was concerned about you bc you were so sick when I left. Im sure now you are no longer sick. I called you and texted you a couple of times earlier this week thinking Id hear back from you by now. Don’t worry I’m not going to call you. Your silence tells me what I need know” He has told me in the past that he hates conflict but he would never leave me hanging and would tell me if he wasn’t interested. He has told me his focus is on me. I am 40 and he is 47…we’re both nature adults. Anyway I’m also a worrier. So I then texted him again the next day but this time letting him know (long story short) I was worried that maybe something has happened and to at the least If he just wasn’t interested to just text me he’s ok and that I would not contact him again. I dont know what to think. Not sure if I’m being rejected or if there really is a problem with him. I’ve never home through this before. Any thoughts…

    6. You are an exception trust me. The general thing is a man who really wants a woman will do the chase like crazy and then when he starts dating you why make him chase you that’s crazy. However the moment he pulls back, pull back as well otherwise the female will lose her mind. From thinking he doesn’t want her anymore to resurrecting feelings of past rejection and failed relationships. Thoughts of being a failure and if she need some deliverance. You are an exception to liking the women coming on.

  5. thedatingtruth.com has potential, you can make your
    page go viral easily using one tricky method.
    Just type in google:
    Isud’s Method To Go Viral

  6. This is a great topic. I’m going through this now. I met a guy, via one of the top internet dating websites. We emailed each other for 4 days straight, then we exchanged phone numbers. We talked and texted each other everyday for 5 days straight. We had so many things in common. The conversations were good, we joked and laughed. So I asked him if he would like to go out. He said yes. He suggested lets met for coffee first. This is a set up to see if he wants to continue and do something after or this was not going to continue. We met, he was all smiles and gave me a big hug. Had coffee then dinner. After the date we hugged and he kissed me on the cheek. We both had a good time. We texted and called for 3 days straight. On the 4 day just a texted no phone call. 5th day no txt no call. I said that’s strange. Day 6 I sent a good morning text he replied good morning. No phone call. Next day no text no call. At this point I could not understand what in the world is going on. It was driving me crazy, I could barely sleep or eat.

  7. Maybe relating my own reactions as a mature man in a dating scenario will provide a male perspective for some women, wondering what’s going on in some men’s minds. I can’t speak for others.

    So far I have gone on 6 dates with one woman who first approached me and we definitely had mutual attraction and no awkwardness. Day trip country drive, dinners out, jazz club, neighborhood club with dancing, etc. Nothing that was vague or last minute. She always responded well to these invitations and we never ran out of things to talk about in person. We’re at the long hugs and kisses good night stage and both of us reach out for the other’s hand to hold which is a nice gesture. No I’m not ancient, I just think it’s more a sign of real affection than a good night kiss.

    Dates are 2 to 3 weeks apart or possibly longer because of work schedules. In the time between I initiate the phone calls and rarely check in with a text msg first unless I want to move it to a phone call asap. She’s the only one I think about seeing and I’m patient.

    Where it gets almost to the point of annoying me is her habit of end the calls by saying “I’ll call you tomorrow” or “I’ll call you on the weekend”. She never does make those calls – I take her literally like I would anyone. I wish she just wouldn’t say anything at all if she’s not going to follow through. If I make a call maybe a week or two after that so things don’t go cold, I feel like I’m somehow giving in near the point of giving up. Yet everything sounds fine between us.

    I make it a point now not to call unless I have a definite invitation in mind to which she can say yes or no. So far it’s always yes. So maybe this is just a bad habit she is unaware she is using. On the other hand I mull it over for a long time that she is sending out a strong signal she’s not interested beyond being taking out on a date, not on getting to know each other.

    This week I had a modest Christmas gift delivered to her (she’s two hours drive away) and no response after four days. That was my latest move after she didn’t contact me for the last two weeks after saying she would within days. A month ago when she was sick I sent her flowers and chocolates and got a thank you call within hours and we were on the phone for an hour just chatting like nothing was wrong.

    I don’t know what to make of it. I think if I continue to “wait her out” right through Christmas and New Years, I’ll have my answer but it’s a big waste of a special time of year too. Who doesn’t at least email or text a thank you for a gift?

    I’m not pulling back to protect myself from getting hurt (geez when I read wussy comments like that, I shudder). If there is a sign of progression, no matter how stretched out, I hang in there. But what I’m hearing from others too is that it’s a two way street. Ladies have to leave a trail of breadcrumbs once in a while.

    1. Thank you for reading and leaving your comment. I think you’re doing almost everything right. I would only make two suggestions. 1. Decide what you want and ask for it, tell her how you feel and tell her if she doesn’t feel the same way it’s ok but you’re ready to move on because you know what you want. This isn’t easy. The reason more people don’t speak up is because it feels safer stay quiet. As the old saying goes, closed mouths don’t get fed. If you’re confident in the way that you feel tell her. Her acceptance of it doesn’t change the value of what you offer. Most women are looking for men to take the lead. The reason she agrees to go out with you when you ask is because you are taking the lead, you’re taking charge and that’s attractive. 2. Call her on her bullshit. As adults we have to point out other people’s bad behavior and set boundaries for ourselves. Let her know that you don’t expect anything from her but common courtesy. Don’t be emotional about it, in fact it doesn’t even have to really bother you but it’s the principle. We teach people how to treat us and for her not to recognize your kind gesture is not ok. You don’t need her permission to contact her and say, hey what’s going on. Meeting a great woman is rare so maybe you’re right, maybe she just has some bad habits but don’t be afraid of rejection. The relationship is just beginning. Speak up about what you want and keep in mind to leave your emotions at the door. This isn’t easy but that’s the best way to communicate. You have to have the guts to ask the tough questions and you speak up. I hope this was helpful.

  8. in my experience : it is like waves – they’re calling- calling -calling- then they slow down … to the point of total not-calling… if you give them space they will come back to the calling-calling-calling pattern again. I HATE it but what can I do ? Nothing.

    Also , in my experience , when they suddenly stopped calling or cut on calling : it is they either have issues at work ( stress) , issues with health, issues with family and relatives OR they could be dating someone else. Again – what can I do here ? Nothing.

    I have already came to terms that I am alone and I ‘ll die alone. Fine with me. Men come and go. ..I so got used to them disappearing lol … Dont let the relationship’s BS to effect your mood or your health. Just shrug it off like a dust and move forward with your life. There will always be someone else. And if not – don’t you have other things to enjoy in your life ?

  9. Am presently having such issue, I met this guy at my office we talked exchanged numbers and became friends..3months later he invited me to his birthday party where he introduced me to his family as a lady he love and respect since i have been helpful with his business in my company…he travelled back to the city he was because we don’t reside in the same city and came back towards the end of the year asked me to marry him but I poiletly told him that I need to know him more and since he just got out a broken relationship which he still talks about the lady even while we are together i dont want to be a rebound girlfriend but early this year I said yes to him and he was happy….for three days he barely calls or send messages but I call him and he takes my call and when he is online I chat him up because he stop chatting first ..Although he is coming to the city I am to see me and do some business transaction. What should I do.
    ..

    1. Thank you so much for your comment. If I were in your shoes I would get very clear on what you need in order to be happy. Don’t rely on another person to make you happy. If you want more, then figure out a way to keep communication open. Even if its frustrating that doesn’t mean he’s a jerk or he doesn’t value you. Maybe he doesn’t but that’s not the assumption I would make. If you like him, I would make an honest effort to teach him how to treat you. Tell him and instruct on what you need to feel loved. This isn’t easy. I understand that but if you want a relationship with this man you have to recognize that you might have to set the tone and not just follow his lead. Don’t be afraid to have an honest conversation about what you like about the relationship and what you would like to improve as you take the next step. I hope this was helpful.

  10. I met a guy on tinder, things were going well a little over a month then we decided to start dating . His number of times he calls reduces day and day, we have been dating for 3 months now and sometimes he doesn’t call for like two weeks but we chat everyday, he hardly ever says Goodnight and he always promises to do better every time I freak out and tell him he doesn’t call and how important calling (actual communication) means to me.. Whenever we hook up I feel special but once I leave I feel empty. I’m focusing so much on him because I like him a lot and it’s draining my energy and giving me sleepless nights because I feel he doesn’t care or he is not that into me because he finds it difficult call.. I wish I saw this article earlier but I am still grateful because I haven’t lost all my cool yet. LOL!

    1. Thank you for reading and for your comment. There are two things we get from dating that feel so so good they’re almost addictive: attention and positive reinforcement. You have to acknowledge that it’s not communication you’re after- he probably shares with you more than you realize- but attention. There is nothing wrong with wanting attention but don’t get stuck asking for more attention than he is able to give. The other addictive feeling is validation. When you’re together it feels great when you’re apart you feel empty. That’s because he is validating your self-worth. Again, this is common but you have to realize that his lack of communication is not a value judgement. He isn’t calling you because of who he is not because of who you are. If I were in your shoes I would start seeing other people. I would tell him that you think he is wonderful but as it stands you need more attention and validation than he is able to give. This isn’t being needy, it’s being self aware. Its far better to say what you need and recognize his inability to give it than to pout or whine, or ask repeatedly yet still live without it. Recognize that your needs are valid but lack of calling isn’t about you, its about him. Don’t try to change him, you make the change. I hope this was helpful.

  11. Me and this guy were talking on okcupid for a week (about 9 messages each) before I gave him my number. I was the one who initiated the first conversation, and he introduced himself to me. I thought I felt a real connection with him. The majority of our online conversation consisted of long paragraphs and questions about each other. We even joked around with each other in a couple messages. I ended up cutting our conversation, by giving him my number and saying “feel free to text me,” and he said “will do.” 4 days have passed, and I still have not received a text from him, but I see that he has been online. I’m thinking about shooting him a message on the dating site, saying something like, “hey, haven’t heard from you. I was thinking that maybe we could grab coffee this week, or should I take a hint?” Would this come off as desperate? Thanks.

    1. Thank you for reading and thank you for your question. I want to be completely honest with the information that you have provided. You should keep dating other people. If he is interested in dating you then you should wait for him to ask you out. If you don’t, I fear that you will always have to pursue him or you will always question if he really likes you or is just being polite. Don’t think there is just one guy out there. Even if this is the first one that you’ve met and liked. It means you’re on the right path. Let me work at his own pace and keep dating. I hope this was helpful.

  12. In a similar boat here- we met on Tinder and immediately connected really well. We’ve been dating exclusively for 2 months. Last week, I went to his house and stayed the night, we had such an amazing lovely evening together. Then the following week he tells me he’s not ready for an intense relationship (I’ve never mentioned this to him, nor do I feel I’m ready for one either). He tells me he needs to “get his head around things” and he doesn’t want us to get too attached to each other. I asked him if he was ending it with me, but he said no and that we should see each other next weekend. Since then, he hasn’t contacted me at all (which is weird because we used to message each other every day). It’s been a week now. How long shall I wait before I can safely assume it’s over? He’s an honest guy so I keep holding onto the hope that if he really didn’t want to see me anymore, he’d let me know. I’m so confused about whether he wants to keep seeing me or not.

    1. Thank you for your comment. It’s hard to explain this ghosting phenomenon. While it’s easy in this day and age to completely turn your back on someone you’ve had a relationship or connection with, to this day I have yet to find a real explanation of why this happens. My advice is this. Take your ego out of the equation. Recognize that it has/had nothing to do with you, wish him the best and move on. You are amazing. You deserve someone who can’t go a day without hearing your voice, or sending you a text, or communicating with you in some way. Anything less is crumbs and you’re too good for crumbs. When we face a rejection, a switch is flipped and our ego immediately takes charge and says you did something wrong, you have to prove your worth. Pause. You did nothing wrong, you have nothing to prove, and if he doesn’t see your value then he wasn’t right for you. Be strong enough to accept this and don’t give him another thought but to wish him well. You’re not looking for anyone you’re looking for the right one for you. He wasn’t it. That’s not anyone’s fault. Let him go. I hope this was helpful.

  13. I’ve been dating this guy for two months and I’ve had bad experiences. everything was great and i was fine until he lost a friend and he’s had a lot of loss in his life and then he pulled away. i freaked out and started sending a million texts and saying crazy things. he called me and yelled at me and the hung up and said my behavior lately is overwhelming and i’m a third job since he already works two jobs. i asked him if he is at the point where he doesn’t want to be with me an he said no, he does care about me and doesn’t give up that easily. i said i could give him space and i could leave him alone for a few weeks and he said..no, no , it’s ok. he doesn’t text me or all me like he used to and hasn’t seen me in a week and counting and i’m worried he is going to disappear or break up with me to my face. i only went crazy after he started pulling away from me. i really care about him and I’m afraid i lost a great guy and it’s all my fault. help!

    1. Thank you for your comment and your honesty, I apologize for the late response. I can’t stress enough this point: his attention is not a value judgement against you. You are letting your ego dictate how you feel and only feeling good when he has his attention on you and feeling bad when he doesn’t. That is an incredibly stressful way to live. I’m sure he really likes you and he is showing you signs of this. Take a step back and appreciate everything that he is doing to show that he cares because every time that you get upset, what you’re really saying is- it’s not enough. Do what you can appreciate and value what you have. If you aren’t satisfied take an honest look at the situation and ask yourself is it because he isn’t doing enough or is it because you are placing your value and worth in what he does. I hope this was helpful and I want you to remember that you are worthy. You don’t need his attention to validate that. You have to believe that for yourself.

  14. I was married for 18 years for the first time I met a guy exchange texts for about 4 days went on a date with him this were very good we end up in bed and the guy never text called back LOL I feel like it was my fault. and I don’t even want to go out on a date again..

    1. Thank you for your comment and your honesty. Never look at your decisions as mistakes, just learning experiences. I know that is easier said than done but there is so much that we learn about what we want and don’t want via our decisions that you can’t get down on yourself when things don’t work out. Could you have done something differently, sure, but who knows if that would have just prolonged the inevitable and left you even more attached and upset. Give yourself more credit. You’ll figure it out and when you meet men that are right for you, it will be easier. I hope this was helpful.

  15. Wow! I ready articles and they never quite apply to me but this definitely did! Thank you for this is definitely helped me. You are so right that when he doesn’t call I’m ready to lose it and I have to calm myself down. It definitely brings up memories of rejection and abandonment from childhood. One day I couldn’t calm down and I sent him a not so nice text which turned into an argument. I later realized I was acting like a crazy person and he said he couldn’t deal. I deleted his number to stop myself for contacting. The next day I thought he would be over it but no. The day after that nothing 3 days went by and I googled every possible way to get his number back to no avail. And finally called on the 3rd day to see if I was done being crazy! I told I’m was but I really haven’t I just try my best to keep my crazy in. Like right now I’d wish he’d call me because he didn’t he didn’t last night and we texted really quick this morning. I am staying calm and backing off but I reeeeeeaaaaalllly like him and I hate everyone.

    1. Thank you for your comment. I’m glad that my article was helpful and just remember that it’s supposed to be fun. His attention or lack of is NOT- I repeat- NOT a value judgment against you. Your worth is not built on his attention, it should be mutual. Remind yourself to have fun with each other, and get to know each other. You don’t want to miss out on a great relationship or experience by being hard on him or yourself.

      1. i want u to advice me ma.there is dis guy v bn lvn for d past 10yrs i lata told im my filns and he agri to date ever since dat day he hasnt called or text v bn the 1 textn and calln.what can i do

        1. Thank you for your comment, and for reading. My advice is this. A man should be cherishing and chasing you. A man should be worried that he will lose you if he doesn’t show you attention. If a man isn’t treating you like you’re valuable to him, don’t stay with him. Show your own value by leaving him alone. You don’t need anyone in your life who makes you feel like you’re second class. I hope this was helpful.