Are You Ready To Give Up Your Freedom For Commitment?

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It’s hard to believe that single men and women would leave the freedom of being single for commitment but it’s true.

When I think of single men and women wanting commitment, the scene from the Titanic comes to mind, where everyone just starts jumping overboard in a panic. Sometimes the devil you know is better than the devil you don’t. Ending their lives seemed more pleasant than waiting for death to come a knockin’.

 

Maybe it’s a dramatic comparison but I know a lot about dating, being single and the freedom it comes with. Yet, more singles than not, want to be in committed relationships and for the first time, maybe in my life, I think I know why.

 

For the last five years my single life has been in a word, remarkable. I’ve dated every type of man I ever thought I wanted to date, and experienced the freedom of an unattached lifestyle. I’ve taken trips, gotten gifts been wined and dined to the point where I couldn’t believe life could be so fortunate. Still, with all the perks happy times, wonderful men and experiences I’ve had, there is one word that outdoes remarkable and that is: commitment.

 

With all the joys and freedom of being single, when we date that one person that we like more than anyone else and who seems to put up with our bullshit, we can’t help but want commitment. The reason? Bare with me while I attempt to blow your mind but from everything I’ve ever read about what love is, we absolutely must express it.

 

And committed relationships are just where we feel most comfortable doing so.

 

Its like peeing, you can do it anywhere if you have to but we’d all feel better in a bathroom. I had a conversation with the man who I’m dating about how being “official” would disturb our current relationship. [As a woman, you never want to press for commitment. You want to act cool and reserved. Commitment, what, yuck.  As if. *hair toss* *eye roll*

You never want to admit that you want a relationship because everyone knows, expert or not, that it’s the fastest way to chase a man away]

 

At the time, I conceded that commitment wouldn’t really change anything but I felt inside that it was a lie. It would change several things. Still, it’s just a term and what did it matter?

 

Titles are so overrated. With first-marriage divorce rates around 41% and growing, (depending on the study) and the steady increasing reports of infidelity, what does it mean to be a girlfriend or a wife these days? With a definition fuzzier than the plot of Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, what do you get with commitment that isn’t available through dating?

Commitment is intention. It is love in action.

* It’s a quote I found among my many notes but I’m not too sure where it came from. If you look at commitment as defined above, it’s no wonder men and women are afraid of it. Love is a scary, overused, and undefined term for feelings that can’t be described.

 

Despite its many complications and intricacies and without really knowing why, we must express it. Commitment before marriage, allows us to do that. It’s like love with training wheels. It’s like loving with a guarantee. (I can’t ever think of the word guarantee without making a Tommy Boy referenceThis is why no matter how much you appreciate being single, there is an expression of love in all of us that is dying to get out.

 

To stick with the peeing analogy, sometimes you have to love so badly you commitment to the wrong person, it’s like having an accident. You have you clean yourself off, deal with the embarrassment and set out to hold love in until you find the right environment for release. Although I didn’t give the right answer at the time, I’ve come to realize that human beings have to love.

You could argue that all animals do because it’s the only way that we can make sure or demand that we be loved in return.

 

Reciprocity is the biggest influence, and commitment promises that our giving will result in us getting back.

Wanting commitment is natural, I’m not mad at anyone who wants it. But until you have someone worth committing to, don’t just give your freedom away.

 

I think being single is phenomenal. Everyone should enjoy it, embrace, and celebrate their liberty for as long as they can! I hope this was helpful.

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Miss Solomon

Miss Solomon

Founder at The Dating Truth
Dating expert. Marketing aficionado. Lover of people. Miss Solomon has a passion for writing about love, creating love strategies and mastering self- love. She's the founder of this site.
Miss Solomon

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12 thoughts on “Are You Ready To Give Up Your Freedom For Commitment?

  1. Dating with no strings attached is some what ok.but even that get old real fast. not to mention riskie.&stayn single just so you can date muti people is so Pathetic!Plus stayn single “Up’s” your chance’s of “STD’s & growing old alone”& i Kno i sure as hell don’t wanna grow old alone or end up with some std!

  2. I am a 29 year old man from the USA. I have been either single or in a long distance relationship my entire life except for six months in college. I have dated people from all over the globe, traveled to many amazing places, and done more in my few years than many people ever even dream of. Including living on a houseboat on the Amazon River, climbing the volcanoes in Guatemala, and just last week I spent an amazing time in the Alps in Austria! Now I am in Prague for about six months before I head home to the USA where marriage awaits me. I have enjoyed this single time in my life so much that I am scared to death that my marriage will bore me. I don’t need a lot to be happy but variety is the spice of life and for me it is the main ingredient. My fiancé is having trouble with my adventures ways. She doesn’t like it when I meet people while I am away from home. Even though I don’t do anything I shouldn’t it still doesn’t stop me from getting a “talking to”. I am trying to believe that marriage is going to be “enough” for me but I am scared that one year later I will be ready to travel again. I would just like to know what I can get from marriage that I don’t have now, and why I should give up what I do have for it?

    1. If I’d seen this comment when you posted your response I’d say don’t get married!! Especially not to someone who isn’t enthusiastic about what makes you you! So it’s almost 4 yrs later. Did you get married and still together? Divorced? Didn’t get married? Please update 🙂

    2. I would think fiance would share your aventurous spirit and want to join you. Don’t you desire to share those moments with your best friend- the most important person in your life? Do you share similar interests/ activities? Enjoy spending lots of time together?

  3. Wow, very insightful stuff and a great article. To Tanya, you said that stayn single just so you can date multiple people is so pathetic!. Why is it pathetic? I’ve been married a few times. I think relationships are great when they are great but when it isn’t, it’s the worst thing in the world. I’m now single again and I’m not ready to be in a committed relationship. I certainly don’t want to be rushed into one. I feel comfortable dating multiple people. Oh and by the way, there is no guarantee that you will not get an std while in a committed relationship. Also it is possible to be in a so-called committed relationship and still feel alone. There are pros and cons of a committed relationship just as there are pros and cons to being single. It’s okay being single and free and it’s okay being in a committed relationship, just make sure that when you do decide to be in a committed relationship that it’s someone worth committing to and it’s not just because you want to be in a realationship.

  4. Men and Women are wired differently when it comes to romantic relationships. While most women prefer commitment most men prefer being free. This is a scientific and psychologically proven fact. Many men settle down mostly due to age,social pressure, inability to attract women, exhaustion, etc, but it is not their true innate choice.

    1. Thank you for the comment. I agree that in the past psychology made us believe that society was largely the culprit for men committing to one woman but I believe a little different. I believe men and women are desperate to express their true selves and feel good as who they are. I believe we settle down when we feel we are happier or our truer selves with someone else. I think we have come to a point where we are unable to function as our ancestors would have. It might have been in our nature to pee in the woods but most people have lost those survival skills and wouldn’t want to given the chance. Though it’s natural.

  5. I’m 26 and only ever been in one relationship… coming out of that truly made me happy (despite being upset) because I realised I had my freedom back: chat up girls for a one-night stand or a weekend fling, spend my money on what I want, wake-up and decide I’m going to jet-off to an exotic destination, choose the décor of my apartment… you can’t have freedom in a relationship. I like the idea of not having to put someone on a pedestal above my closest friends i.e. if I had a girlfriend and she wants me to Skype her, and I have to stop contact with a girl friend I may be talking to.

    Being single means you get everyone but no-one has you. I like it… I never want to lose my freedom. Think of it like this:

    People fight and die for their freedom, whereas being single and growing up in the Western world is where freedom can be appreciated.

    Besides, I am genuinely happy being single and if I was to get a girlfriend I’d lose all credibility as a person and I’d be a hypocrite. The only thing that could make me happier would be winning the lottery.

    Lust ’em and leave ’em. The older I get, the more that makes sense to me.

    War out!

    1. Thank you for reading and for your comment. Unhappy relationships are draining so it’s much better to be single. I think when you’re single you should definitely enjoy it but don’t lose sight of what real love is and how fulfilling it can be. I’m glad you’ve found the joy of being out of a relationship, most people never do.

  6. Hi. I have to agree with Ryan. I’ve been in a bad committed relationship for years. I feel like I have no freedom to do what I want or live my life. I feel like I am controlled by another human being, and I hate it. I’m at the point of ending the relationship, but it is tough because we have children involved. Either way, the closer I get to being out, the more excited I become. It’s like I can see the light at the end of a very long and dark tunnel. I suppose a good commited relationship can be great, but a bad one can drown you. Once I’m out, I can’t wait to enjoy my freedom once again. It’s like I lost the entire decade of my 30s. I want to make up for what I lost. And will I ever get back into marriage again? Only with the utmost caution…..

    1. Thank you so much for your comment. I feel for your situation and I hope you’ll find your freedom in the way that works for you and your partner. I will say, creating a freedom in any situation is all about you not the other person. The more you start to own your role in your relationship you find that you don’t need permission to change. I wish you all the best and if I can help please reach out to me, I’m happy to help how I can. It can be scary getting back into the dating world but I encourage people to be selfish when they need to be.

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