It’s hard to believe that single men and women would leave the freedom of being single for commitment but it’s true.
When I think of single men and women wanting commitment, the scene from the Titanic comes to mind, where everyone just starts jumping overboard in a panic. Sometimes the devil you know is better than the devil you don’t. Ending their lives seemed more pleasant than waiting for death to come a knockin’.
Maybe it’s a dramatic comparison but I know a lot about dating, being single and the freedom it comes with. Yet, more singles than not, want to be in committed relationships and for the first time, maybe in my life, I think I know why.
For the last five years my single life has been in a word, remarkable. I’ve dated every type of man I ever thought I wanted to date, and experienced the freedom of an unattached lifestyle. I’ve taken trips, gotten gifts been wined and dined to the point where I couldn’t believe life could be so fortunate. Still, with all the perks happy times, wonderful men and experiences I’ve had, there is one word that outdoes remarkable and that is: commitment.
With all the joys and freedom of being single, when we date that one person that we like more than anyone else and who seems to put up with our bullshit, we can’t help but want commitment. The reason? Bare with me while I attempt to blow your mind but from everything I’ve ever read about what love is, we absolutely must express it.
And committed relationships are just where we feel most comfortable doing so.
Its like peeing, you can do it anywhere if you have to but we’d all feel better in a bathroom. I had a conversation with the man who I’m dating about how being “official” would disturb our current relationship. [As a woman, you never want to press for commitment. You want to act cool and reserved. Commitment, what, yuck. As if. *hair toss* *eye roll*
You never want to admit that you want a relationship because everyone knows, expert or not, that it’s the fastest way to chase a man away]
At the time, I conceded that commitment wouldn’t really change anything but I felt inside that it was a lie. It would change several things. Still, it’s just a term and what did it matter?
Titles are so overrated. With first-marriage divorce rates around 41% and growing, (depending on the study) and the steady increasing reports of infidelity, what does it mean to be a girlfriend or a wife these days? With a definition fuzzier than the plot of Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, what do you get with commitment that isn’t available through dating?
Commitment is intention. It is love in action.
* It’s a quote I found among my many notes but I’m not too sure where it came from. If you look at commitment as defined above, it’s no wonder men and women are afraid of it. Love is a scary, overused, and undefined term for feelings that can’t be described.
Despite its many complications and intricacies and without really knowing why, we must express it. Commitment before marriage, allows us to do that. It’s like love with training wheels. It’s like loving with a guarantee. (I can’t ever think of the word guarantee without making a Tommy Boy reference) This is why no matter how much you appreciate being single, there is an expression of love in all of us that is dying to get out.
To stick with the peeing analogy, sometimes you have to love so badly you commitment to the wrong person, it’s like having an accident. You have you clean yourself off, deal with the embarrassment and set out to hold love in until you find the right environment for release. Although I didn’t give the right answer at the time, I’ve come to realize that human beings have to love.
You could argue that all animals do because it’s the only way that we can make sure or demand that we be loved in return.
Reciprocity is the biggest influence, and commitment promises that our giving will result in us getting back.
Wanting commitment is natural, I’m not mad at anyone who wants it. But until you have someone worth committing to, don’t just give your freedom away.
I think being single is phenomenal. Everyone should enjoy it, embrace, and celebrate their liberty for as long as they can! I hope this was helpful.