8 Simple Rules For Keeping A Man Interested In You

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Handsome, charming, smart, kind and giving?Sounds like the perfect guy right? When you meet a man who seems like the man you’ve been waiting for your whole life, instead of embracing the moment we sometimes get scared and nervous. This is normal but it can be a huge set back in the relationship.

 

Although this is the man of your dreams you wonder if you are the woman of his? If you’re ready for a relationship then these tips will prepare you to meet the man you’ve been dreaming of. It isn’t always easy to keep your cool but here are a few guidelines for getting Mr. Right and more importantly keeping him interested in dating you.

LET HIM APPROACH YOU

Not to sound old-fashioned but after my years of dating and writing about dating I find that women who let men approach them have longer lasting relationships. The reason being, true love is instinctual. If you believe that you will meet the right man then you don’t need to approach the wrong ones. Recognize if you’re approaching men out of the need to control your circumstance or out of impatience or insecurity. Are you willing to let what is meant for you, come to you?

 

Utilize your attraction skills, body language and eye contact to make approaching you easy and comfortable. Men appreciate women who are open and easy going.

 

I suggest flirting with heavy eye contact, getting close to, maybe even bumping him or walking past him and letting him speak to you. You can make it as easy as need be without seeming obvious. Some people might say, well, what does it matter who talks to who? If  a man wants to talk to you, trust that he will. Give yourself at least that much credit. Your only job is to welcome the interaction by being inviting and light-hearted.

CALL HIM ONCE FOR EVERY THREE TIMES HE CALLS YOU

This is advice taken from the infamous self-help book ‘The Rules’ and I believe that it works. Some people might call this a game but dating is a game. If you don’t play by the rules then you risk losing a man to a woman who does. If a man contacts you and invites you on a date, in his mind he is courting you. If you start to take over the courtship but calling him unnecessarily then you will appear to be needy.

 

There is no need to feel bad or think that you aren’t doing enough to show that you like him. Although you both should put in mutual effort in dating- let the man take the courtship at his own pace.

 

Don’t try to dictate when you should see each other.

 

Give him the space he needs to be the man he wants to be. If that man isn’t aggressive enough then tell him so or stop dating.

Wait for him to call you [not by the phone of course] and end phone calls first. I know it sounds strict and old-fashioned but again, human emotion is powerful. His desire and interest in you will be piqued because you haven’t oversaturated the relationship with your presence.

COMPLIMENT HIM OFTEN

When you compliment someone, you’re going out of your way to make them feel good. You show that you are confident because you aren’t waiting for them to boost your ego with kind words. When you can praise a man’s good qualities he is appreciative.

Men want to be appreciated just as women do. Make it appoint to recognize the man you’re dating for the little things that he does. Be genuine and thoughtful. Tell him that he’s smart, kind, caring, a great date and wonderful to be around. When you think a kind thought share it.

 

A man will appreciate your confidence. Instead of waiting for him to make you feel special, make him feel confident with a great compliment.

ASK THE RIGHT QUESTIONS

“Do you want to see me again?”

“Do you want to kiss me?”

“When was your last relationship?”

 

Why is it so important?

 

Keep in mind that men are as nervous when dating as women are. Because women assume men have it all together we give up our power and leave the entire interaction in a man’s hands. Asking these questions help you to guide the courtship not take it over. You’re inquiring because you would like to see him again and that is the confidence he needs to move the relationship forward. Taking control of the situation saves you both time.

 

If you ask a man straight out, “Will I see you again?” And you don’t, its clear he lied. He’s scum. Move on. If a man doesn’t want to see you again but lacks the nerve to tell you then these questions are a great way to bring his intentions to light. Don’t be afraid to ask bold questions because you fear being rejected. You want to know as soon as possible if this man is serious in pursuing you, so ask.

SAY EXACTLY WHAT YOU FEEL

Women can talk a lot. I know that I do. I find that we say so much yet very little about how we truly feel.

There comes a time when we all grapple with those tough topics. Should you ask where is this going? Should you tell him to stop seeing other people? Can you say you might be falling in love? Probably not.

 

If you feel happy with him, tell him. If you feel safe around him, let him know. Don’t be afraid to express the good feelings. Too often women wait until they’re hurt to share their feelings.

 

When you feel something share it. Be concise and honest. It can be honest without being overkill. How do you know when you’re saying too much? Or enough? When he is clear on what you mean. Communication is key and you want to articulate what you feel without any confusion or misinterpretation.

TAKE IT SLOW

Patience is the key to great relationships. It’s amazing when you start to feel positive emotions but we can’t let them take over us to the point that we burn out our promising relationship. You can’t rush or race to get to know someone.

That phase of getting to know someone for who they are is a long one.  Embrace it because you will never get those moments back. Trust me. Try moving forward in a relationship with someone before you really get to know them and see how long it lasts.

 

A minute? Two minutes, check your watch. I’ll wait.

 

Try to limit your weekly time together. Don’t freak out if you don’t have a routine. Give each other space and when you can be together enjoy it. Sometimes women fear that their man is seeing other women, but you can see other men. It doesn’t mean that you don’t really care about your potentially perfect guy; it just means that you’re keeping your options open.

ENJOY HAPPY TIMES TOGETHER

Don’t fight. I know it seems crazy because dating is all about fighting right? Most of the time when men and women argue in new courtships, it is because someone did something that was seen as disrespectful. Forgive your man, and allow yourself to enjoy as many good times as possible.

 

It’s appropriate to share how you feel but in new relationships this person has no obligation to care. This is why you should embrace the positive, happy and joyous times. Before you get up in arms about all of the things that he isn’t doing, hasn’t done and probably will never do, list all of the great and kind things that this man is doing for you now.

 

Appreciate him. If he’s showing unfavorable behaviors, he might not be the one for you. It’s okay to move on.

Don’t try to make the moments uncomfortable out of anger or resentment. If he isn’t the man you want him to be then it’s better to know sooner than later. If you aren’t happy with his behavior don’t see him. Make sure all of your times together are happy ones.

INTRODUCE HIM TO YOUR FRIENDS

There are many experts who recommend that a woman ingratiate herself with her new boyfriends friends, but it works both ways in my opinion.

 

Hopefully your friends will paint you in a great light and impress this man the way he would want his friends to impress you. While men do sometimes see this as a clear sign of wanting commitment its better to have a great time together than worry about what he will think of your intentions. There are however no guidelines or rules when it comes to relationships other than they take work. They aren’t always easy. The most important rule is to be patient, when the right person comes along you may not need any advice at all but if you do I hope this was helpful.

 

I hope this was helpful. Leave your comments below.

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Miss Solomon

Founder at The Dating Truth
Dating and relationship expert. Lover of people. Relationship Coach and part-time stylist. Miss Solomon has a passion for writing about love, creating love strategies and mastering self- love.

129 thoughts on “8 Simple Rules For Keeping A Man Interested In You

  1. this is really helpful. but what if the guy is very busy at work? like he texted me “good morning” and “good night” only. If I reply , he doesnt reply anymore cause he’s so busy. And he calls me once or twice a week only. But he told me that he really likes me. But I’m not sure anymore if he’s really into me.

    1. Thank you for reading. Keep in mind that men like attention just as women do. A man is satisfied knowing that you’re thinking about him and that you would be at his beckon call if he made more effort. A man gives you as much attention as he feels you deserve. If you want more then stop entertaining the crumbs.

      1. You’re advice is a little too old fashioned and sexist. The rules and games that you’re telling everyone to play are irresponsible. Yes, there should be some mystery about a woman, and she certainly should not throw herself at anyone, or act desperate… I agree on that.
        A woman who has love and respect for herself will attract the right men without playing games. She will attract men who are mature and in a good place in life. A good man isn’t going to stick around for the woman who calls him once for every three! The right man doesn’t want to play cat and mouse. He’s looking for a healthy connection.
        You’re advising women on how to attract a boy and not a man.

          1. Good answer miss Solomon, that previous commenter seemed to only want to critisize and show their “evolved in their own eyes” status.

          2. Your write up is great and idealistic. But I’ve tried all i can to get myself on track with this guy we’ve know ourselves for eight months he says he cares about me alot and i should be patient.. But he doesn’t chat me up till i do… Then he gets back to me… He tells me his secrets alot..and his plans for the future .i decided not to talk to him for a while and see if he’d call me he doesn’t… Its been a month since i last spoke to him and his cool with that?

          3. Thank you so much for reading and for your comment. I completely understand how you feel. It makes little to no sense sometimes when the people we are interested in seem to be able to live their lives perfectly fine without us. He should be excited to hear your voice, or miss you. He should be planning dates and progressing the relationship. He should be making sure that you’re not swept away by someone else but he isn’t. I have no answers to why he isn’t but with this stark reality you have to realize that his little to no attention is not good enough and move forward with your life. I know that you’re doing that already but these small questions still prevail as in, why isn’t he more interested in having a relationship with you. That I can’t answer but I can say it sounds like you see clearly what’s happening. I think you’re making the right decision not to chase him and hopefully that will leave room for the right man to come into your life. I hope this was helpful.

        1. I think all the game playing is just plain silly. Mystery is only there when there is already an existing substantive connection with a guy. If a girl is to act unresponsive, chances are a guy will lose interest because it’s unappreciative and boring. Expending more effort is tiring and to make a guy overexert energy, he will feel drained. He won’t feel intrigued or interested (mystery). I would suggest girls to be cautious about taking advice from online dating guides especially those written by another women. All these scarcity principle is not going to work.

          I’m sharing guy’s perspective from a guy myself. I studied social psychology before.

          1. Thank you for your comment. I appreciate your perspective and it’s true we should all be cautious when taking advice online because “different strokes for different folks”. I think what is more dangerous however than trying to be mysterious or evasive is being too available. Being too available is the kiss of death in relationships because unlike scarcity it over saturates the market and without knowing it you can actually damage the connection and the longing necessary to build chemistry in a relationship. While this is just one article of many, the idea isn’t to play games. The idea is to set boundaries for yourself and stop yourself from the natural inclination to be too available for a guy. Thank you for reading.

      2. I love this! I honestly can see where people are coming from saying the games are silly because I thought so as well! But because I’m following my own rules of no games and contacting him when I think of him, he is starting to lose interest! This has helped a lot. I haven’t completely lost him, his texting has changed… I don’t get the good morning or good nights anymore but just random chit chat but when we see each other in person he acts normal and the same old guy super interested in me. So I am going to go a while without texting him and when he is ready to see me again, he will reach out! Thanks girl!

    2. Girl I’m in the same situation and I found out he was talking to someone else sexually and everything I forgave him but now I am going to take baby steps and do what I just learned here have fun enjoy it have happy moments if I see that there’s no effort being put in I’m moving on…

    3. There is this guy that I like I let him live with me until he find him an apartment. In the beginning he would flirt with me and wanted to have sex with me. But now he don’t show me any attention. I asked him did he like me and was he attracted to me. he said you’re fine and beautiful why wouldn’t I be attracted to you. He said I don’t feel like being intimate I’m a man and I just don’t feel right living with a women and don’t have my own. He said a lot of times I’m sitting in front of this TV thinking I have a lot on my mind. He has a job where hes on call and sometimes they don’t have work for him. But now he’s been working steady for a month now and putting in applications. In the beginning he told me he was working and he did not explain this until after I told him he could live with me until find a place to live. I understand what he’s saying. I felt like he was being truthful, But one weekend he went out stayed out two days and came back that Sunday night at 2 a.m. in the morning. He called me Saturday night and told me he was with his siblings and they arguing. The problem was he was still having a good time reguardless of his job and apartment situation. I know action speak louder than word. what do you think.

      1. Thank you so much for your comment. You are very kind for letting him stay with you but you have to set boundaries otherwise people won’t know when they are doing something you think they shouldn’t be doing. A man who has ambition doesn’t want to be anyone’s boyfriend until his life is together. That has been my experience. If you have an agreement then make sure both of you are sticking to it, if not, then create some boundaries and establish a clear agreement immediately. I hope this was helpful.

    4. Wow sounds like my exact situation. Although I hear from maybe a few more times via text. So ready to let go.

  2. OK , I just started talking to this guy and he say his interested and wants to meet and says he’s the one for me , now he said he text yesterday , but I texted him first just to say good morning and he texted back but I haven’t heard from him since, should I text or call or just wait on him.

    1. Thank you for your comment! I would definitely text him again but keep in mind that once you’ve done your part, let it go. At least you can say that you tried. When you don’t know a guy several things could be going on so don’t take it personally. Make the effort and if he doesn’t reciprocate move on.

  3. Hi. I have been dating for 5 years now since my divorce. I had a 1 yr commitment with someone in that time but things ended. I keep meeting guys who just disappear at random times. I do everything the way you describe here. I would like to know why guys act so interested for weeks plan future dates and then poof, they disappear and then text me months later asking how I’ve been.

    1. Thanks for the comment. I’m inspired to write a post about why men disappear. The truth is, there are many reasons why men come and go and just a few reasons why they stick around. There is a disconnect in your relationships where you aren’t building attachment. The reason they act interested is because their egos wants to make you want them. Once they have you right where they want you they disappear because there is no longer a challenge. The key is to recognize the game and avoid future faking with men who aren’t serious. Qualify the men you’re dating and judge their sincerity by their actions not what they say. I hope this was helpful.

  4. I have been dating a guy for about 10 months now. We talked about moving in together like 4 months ago. Things came up on my end which set us back at first now things on his end. He is now working two jobs which puts a strain on us talking. We don’t live in the same area so when we do visit it has to be planned. He has never given me reason to doubt that whatever he says he is doing he isn’t. He trust me and I him. We did however have our first real blowout a few days ago because I let my past get in the way. Since then he hasn’t been communicating much. A text here or there but only if I initiate the conversation. How do I get things back to the way they were? Do I need to give him space?

    1. Thank you for the comment. Fighting is an important part of being in a relationship. How you fight tells alot about your communication style. I don’t know much about relationships but I will say it’s important to be a safe place for your partner. If they made you mad or you hurt them never let the conflict overshadow your love for each other. Be the one who reaches out and take the initiative to getting things back on track. Sometimes people pull away but they aren’t sure how to reignite the relationship. It’s ok to give him space but also let him know that you’re there and still committed. I hope this was helpful.

      1. Thank you. It is very helpful. We talked and he explained that he wasn’t mad nor at anytime did he think we didn’t belong together. I am still thinking about giving him space because I don’t want to suffocate him. How much space is to much space?

  5. I have met this guy and I like him. He says he likes more. I got upset when he chose to spend a day with his colleagues yet he is always with them at work. I feel like I am just an option in his life. We have been having a good communication line until that incident happened.

    1. Thank you for reading! Depending on how well you know this man I would invite him out again instead of waiting for him to make the next move. Have a great time and leave the past behind, for your own sake. Don’t be afraid to date other people as well. Sometimes we get anxious dating one guy because we want the relationship to progress very fast. Be patient and always keep the communication open. I hope this was helpful.

  6. So what if he calls you twice a week?

    A solid guy has friends, hobbies, and ideally successful, which means they are busy…if he would not want you, he would not call you even once

    1. These are guidelines not rules set in stone. If you apply these ideas in any capacity I’m certain they would be helpful but it doesn’t make them applicable to every relationship. Leave room for individuality. I hope this was helpful.

  7. I dated a coworker for a short period of time 1 month into me getting hired at my new job. He soon got back with ex gf. So I let that go. Fast forward to 5 months later he’s developed a friendship with another of my coworkers (a woman) but he is still with his gf. My question is, can a man just be friends with a female? I think I still have feelings for him and that friendship between them is bothering me. Especially when that coworker mentioned she could get us fired when she found out we had dated. He knows what she was going around saying but still holds a friendship with her. They even had lunch together. While I have a hard time because of the rumors she started.

    1. Thank you for reading, and for your comment. It sounds like your emotions are ego driven. Men and women can be friends when both parties are contributing equally to the friendship, but it sounds as though you feel left out and a little forgotten about. My advice is to do your best to wish them well. Don’t block your own blessings with negative energy and don’t make your work environment a difficult place to be by focusing on anyone else’s relationships. It’s hard when people “move on” from us but you have the opportunity to move on with a fulfilling relationship of your own once you focus on yourself. Wish them well and do your best not to let it bother you. You only hurt yourself and they don’t seem worth the energy. I hope this is helpful.

  8. I’m a college student and I started talking to this guy that I kinda met because of my best friend. The 3 of us (my best friend, this guy, and I) had a class together in college. I’m kinda shy/quiet and my friend is very out going. So if she and him hadn’t started talking first we probably would still be strangers. Then later after the semester was over he asked my best friend for my number and he started texting me a lot. And since we go to the same college sometimes I see him there. Then later when we were texting the topic came up and I had to tell him that I already had a boyfriend. Which was true at the time but I broke up with him because he ended up being a jerk and didn’t want to treat me right. Even though at the time he thought I had a bf still he kept texting me and mentioned that he wanted wanted to take me out. I did go out with him once and I had a really great time. I also told him that I broke up with the guy I was seeing. Then he officially asked me out a couple days later. And I really would like to start going out with him. Especially since he is seems to be very serious about me and he didn’t mind listening to my whole story about my previous boyfriend and how we broke up. He’s very sweet too and funny. We always have a good time when we see each other. But I feel like it’s still to soon to make a decision. And he’s very understanding of that and told me I can have as much time as I need to think about it since I just got out of a relationship. Even though I am over my ex and I barely think think about him anymore (actually all I can think about is this new guy and how incredibly sweet he is), I really just want to get to know this new guy a little more before I decide anything. I know it might just be me being a little scared since my ex didn’t treat me right and I’m just a little fearful that maybe this guy might do the same thing too. My mind keeps thinking, what if this guy has an ulterior motive motive and only says and does nice things for me so he can just get what he wants. So am I totally wrong in thinking this or am I just bringing emotional baggage for my last relationship?

    1. Thank you so much for your comment and for reading this post! I think you’re incredibly smart to be suspicious. Most women don’t qualify the men they date so they wind up getting hurt even when their instincts are warning them about the relationship. Trust your gut and ask questions. There is nothing wrong with getting to know the guy you’re dating. Don’t you want to make sure that you’re a fit for him and he for you? He might be looking for more than you’re ready to give so taking the time to learn more about his relationship goals is the smartest thing you can do. Relationships are partnerships and friendships. Take all the time you need to build one then the other. And don’t be afraid to ask him more questions about his past relationships and learn more about him. I hope this was helpful.

      1. I find your article really helpful!
        I’ve been dating this guy for 1 month and a half I’ve had seen him 4 times we have a great connection when we’re with each other I always make him blush we hardly text each other when we do is just to see each other sometimes I feel like texting him or snapchat him goodnight or thinking of you but I don’t want to seem to clingy or needy I want to ask him what kind of relationship is he looking for right now but I’m afraid is too earl to ask

  9. Thank you Miss Solomon for your article, I enjoyed reading it and I think it´s very helpful! Actually, I am trying to keep your simple rules in my mind, but I´d like to ask. I am seeing a man for two months, very nice and caring, but after first month he stated that right now he is not emotionally available to be my boyfriend. Since that being said I didnt push into any labeling and just like you wrote Im just enjoying the time we can be together. I dont know how long should I wait till bringing the topic up again, or should I? And how? Thank you kindly for your respond.

    1. Thank you for reading Im glad you found this helpful. Based on the limited information my response to your question is not to wait but to move on. Everyone dates on a value scale meaning we judge others based on their perceived value and worth to us and then to the public. For example a woman might date a successful man she isn’t happy with because outwardly their lives look perfect. A man might date a less attractive woman because she treats him like a king. If a man makes excuses or gives you reasons why he can’t commit to you it’s because he doesn’t want to. And the longer you accept these crumbs the less he respects you and your value goes down. My advice would be to get very clear on what you want, why you want it and be honest about whether this is the man who can and will give it to you. If you settle for less than you want, which is what you’re doing right now then the longer you wait the more desperate you seem. I hope this was helpful.

  10. Hi

    I have been on 5 dates with a guy and we got on great and there was great chemistry. It’s been about 2 months and now things are not going well. We don’t text everyday anymore and I don’t hear from him at weekends. He has told me he does not like speaking on the phone. When we are together it’s really good still..I met him last Thursday but very limited communication since. Should I end it? I have thought about saying something about it to him but it would have to be via text. I’m torn as we do get on very well. I’m i rushing things by thinking that we should be progressing rather the failing after 5 dates? Thanks

    1. Thank you for your comment. I don’t believe you are rushing but relationships are partnerships. You have as much equal right to get what you want out of the relationship so don’t be afraid to ask for more. If you have tried all of the seduction and attachment tricks you know and he is drifting away then let him go. You deserve a man that is crazy about you, obsessed with you and dying to see you out of fear that you might be seeing someone else. If this man is not keeping up with you at least to inquire about your welfare or your day then by all means ask for more. Don’t be afraid that he won’t give it or that he will end the courtship. Don’t live in fear over a bad relationship ending but don’t be so passive that you’re letting opportunities to create massive chemistry pass you by. If I were you I would sign up for coaching and get this straightened out. I hope this was helpful.

      1. Thank you for your advice. I decided to end it today and I have to say i feel a great relief 🙂

  11. I met a man through a friend while on vacation. We live in two different states. He asked if I would be interested in keeping touch and I said I would. We did not have sex during our time together but did make out, hold hands – all PG fun. We have been home for 4 days and I haven’t heard from him. I really don’t want to reach out to him first. What do you think?

    1. Thank you so much for commenting and reading. Absolutely reach out to him! Giving first and being kind, even exhibiting the behavior you expect to receive is completely appropriate, even necessary, in dating. The question to ask yourself is what does it mean to you that you have to reach out first? I think this is a perfect opportunity to show confidence and kindness. Action eliminates fear, so just do it! It doesn’t mean you’re pursuing him or even taking away his natural hunting skills, you’re allowed to express that you enjoyed meeting him or inquire about how he’s doing without judgement. I hope this was helpful.

      1. Thanks for the response! I usually don’t have any problems reaching out first but in this case, I wasn’t sure how into me he was. Perhaps he was more on the polite end because of the relationship we both have with our mutual friend. Him contacting me first, would confirm he’s interested – as I doubt he would contact me out of obligation to our mutual friend. I will give him a few more days and then make a move if he has not. Have a great day!

  12. I met a guy a few months ago. He lives in a different country. We spent some time( no sex) and I didn’t hear from him …so I messaged him after a month saying I hoped to see him again. He is a wealthy guy. So he started texting me once a week only a short text nothing deep ( I guess just to keep intouch) he was promising to travel with me to spend a few days together. When he came in town we met spend a night together (no sex) and he was saying he had feelings for me and was thinking of potentialy getting into a relationship have babies and get married. I told him I had another guy that wanted a relationship with me and I might consider it. just to see his reaction. But I also told him I liked him.

    A few weeks passed by and we kept intouch and he was planing to see me again when he came in town.

    So I asked him why he would want to see me if he knew I might go into this other relationship which I lied about just to see his reaction..
    And he couldn’t reply this question leaving it blank.

    So I got pissed off argued with him and cut him off. A few weeks later he came in town and Couldn’t get over the past that he was in town and wanted to see him so I messaged him and we met ( no sex) he was asking me to spend a few days with him somewhere nice but never actually made a plan…
    He told me he would call me the next day to plan but then only called me for a 1min phone convo which really pissed me off… ( but I tried to play it cool and not show I was pissed)
    The next day I told him I went away since we didn’t make plans ( but I didn’t explain the reason I just said I’m away as I believed he would have made plans to see me if he wanted…)

    He then texted me asking how long I would be away for and I told him I wasn’t sure depends on how I felt…
    So I he said he checked out of his hotel since he didn’t know when I would be back so I told him we didn’t make any plans etc.

    So he said it’s fine we should just keep intouch and meet another time and reconnect in a few months leaving me blank and confused

    What does this mean is this guy really interested in me, why doesn’t he seem to make much effort to meet he has all the money in the world he could even invite me to his country…

    But all he says is he wants to keep intouch keep intouch for what? Is he looking forward to a friends with benefit relation? I haven’t slept with him yet. Should I cut him off? And his kind of keeping intouch is he sending me texts once a week a short message and nothing deep that’s it. I’m in the process of changing my phone number should I provide him with my new number ? I really would like to know what he wants from me and where I stand as I really don’t understand the kind of relation we have or he is looking to have. We haven’t had sex yet. He says he really likes me and asks a lot of personal question about me he remembers little details about me which is sweet but he might just have a good memory and remember this about everyone so I’m really confused what should I do? Thanks in advance.

    1. Thank you so much for sharing your story and commenting on my post. Knowing little background on your situation I will offer a bit of advice as you asked. First, appreciate when a man is trying. Maybe you’re judging him against standards that don’t apply. Maybe this is how he communicates. Second, get to know him. How can you expect more effort if you aren’t asking him personal questions, getting to know him and putting in 100% in the courtship. Third, tell him what you want. Tell him what you expect and would like out of the relationship. The reason its not clear what’s going on is because you haven’t asked the hard questions. Don’t be afraid of making a mistake or messing things up if you know what you want and he isn’t ready to be on the same page. If you like him treat him fairly and give him the opportunity to step up. I hope this was helpful.

  13. Hi:) i met a guy 8 months ago at a mutual friends gathering. we started talking but we never went on dates and the texting and conversation faded away after two weeks.
    last weekend i bumped into a him randomly after 8 months at a lounge. i was alone at the lounge and he was with one of his friends. we started talking and flirting and we went for dinner with his friends. we had a great time and great conversation. he was giving me compliment on how smart i am and told me that he likes me because i have higher education.
    that night i got a bit intoxicated due to drinks and ended up going to his friends place and we ended up having sex. i never sleep with men too soon too fast specially at the very beginning. however that night one thing led to another and that incident happened. I was a bit nervous and uncomfortable and wasn’t enjoying the sex so told him not to continue it . he stopped and we just cuddled till the morning and he was saying he wants me for his girlfriend.
    since that day, he has not initiated texting me. I texted him the next day and told him that I had a good time with him the other night. I also told him that i am going to a jazz concert with my friends and he is welcome to join us. he thanked me for the invite but told me he cannot make it because he has class.
    I was also feeling so awkward and insecure for the night before so I texted him and told him that I was very intoxicated the other night. I normally don’t over drink and don’t sleep at someone’s I don’t know, hope you don’t judge me for last night. He responded back I don’t judge you and hopefully you don’t judge me. and since that text he did not initiate any contact with me.
    my question is did I make a mistake by explaining myself? I felt really awkward cause I never done that before ( to go someone’s house drunk and have sex! specially when I don’t know them well)… do you think I ruined my chance by giving in too soon? do you think I should stop contacting him and wait to see if he takes any action? If yes how long do you think i should wait before moving on? did I scared him by my texts? I really really like him btw and hope there is way to make it work.

    1. Hi and thank you for your comment. Wow what an adventure you’ve already had. I don’t think you made any mistakes. We all act out of character and you can’t predict what it will mean or if it’s right or wrong. Was it a turnoff? Possibly but it doesn’t mean you can’t still position yourself as high value. My advice based on the little that I know is to keep inviting him places and to leave communication open. If you think you’ve turned him off, then he might decline all of your offers and then move on but if you like him its ok to pursue him a little with invitations and kind texts. If it doesn’t work on then don’t blame yourself or feel guilty, there are men out there who will be more aggressive in pursuing you. The idea or concept of “ruining your chances” should be stricken from your vocabulary. You have alot to offer and you deserve a partner who appreciates it. If he declines the luxury of having you in his life then its his prerogative but don’t blame yourself or victimize yourself because this particular situation didn’t work out. I hope this was helpful.

  14. Hi 🙂 I’ve been seeing this guy now for a few months. We don’t catch up that often as we are both very busy. I typically allow him to initiate contact with me and then 50% of the time are able to catch up when he has asked me to. He says that he likes me but does not want a commitment and that I’m free to date other guys. He also said that he hopes that I will go back to him eventually. I’m not sure if he is just very insecure or he is playing me. He is very hospitable towards me and we speak for hours on end when we are together. He does freak out though if he starts getting to close. I don’t want to give up on him yet. What do I do? He just seems to be emotionally unattached to himself.

    1. Thank you so much for your comment. I think you should give this man much more credit. He’s being honest with you and telling you the truth about how he feels. He isn’t going to change because you want him to and you have to respect his decision. If you think he’s a great person and you care about him then continue to be in his life. If you want a serious relationship and a boyfriend who values you and treats you like a prize then respectfully tell this man that while you think he’s a wonderful person, you need to find someone serious about you and who treasures and values having you in their life. He has made his decision now you need to make yours. I hope this was helpful.

  15. Im talking to this guy and i like him and he says he likes me to but he doesn’t want to meet up face to face

    1. Thank you for the question. Don’t settle for crumbs. If a man isn’t excited to see you and be with or if he isn’t afraid of losing you then he isn’t the man for you. You deserve more than that. I hope this was helpful.

      1. Thank you for this article, I really enjoyed it and needed to read it..I’m in a difficult situation right now..I was dating a man for about 2 months and everything was great he was attentive, wanted to be with me all the time, constantly complimenting me, doing sweet things for me. Our time together was so comfortable and full of laughing and talking, never an awkward moment. His best friend who is a girl even told me that he really liked me alot and considered me special. .Things seemed to be moving fast and I got a little scared and noticed he started to pull back a bit. When I noticed that I was the one who had asked him to hangout the last 3 times I asked him directly if I was asking him to hang out too much and he hugged me and kissed me and told me no with a bit of surprise in his voice that I had asked.. he called me his dogs mom, he made sure to tell me the last time I saw him to pick up diet coke for myself to keep in his fridge..he had bought the case before that…Then he started getting stressed with his work, fighting with his boss, and didn’t want to see me the rest of the week. .he ignored a text from me for 2 days so finally I asked him nicely over text if he still wanted to keep seeing me and that if he didn’t I would understand and not chase, that I would be dissapointed because I thought things were going well..he responded that I hadn’t done anything wrong but he was in a very stressful situation at work and needed a little breathing room because he felt like he wasn’t a very nice person right now..I responded that I was sorry ge was going thru that if he needed anything to let me know and that I would give him space…I texted him one time 4 days later to tell him I hoped he had a better week and to have a good weekend. .I got no response..it’s been 8 days since he told me he needed breathing room and not a word..i honestly don’t get it.. and feel helpless..I honest thought this guy would be the one based on our interactions..I’m 45 and he’s 47 so we’re not young kids. . Do you think any further contact initiated by me will damage things further? I wouldn’t think of doing it right now, but maybe in a couple more weeks. Or do you think I just had the wool pulled over my eyes and he is really just trying to blow me off..I honestly don’t think that I read him completely wrong…what are my next steps, I really would like to have this man in my life..of c purse I would never stalk or go psycho on him and would accept if there was no future, but I feel like I should atleast try..I have never got the sense that he was a player or emotionally unavailable. .he is a very affectionate person..

        1. Thank you so much for your kind words. Typically I would reply to your comment but I can sense that you have a deep need for closure and clarity. I recommend that you call me. Schedule a time here http://www.thedatingtruth.com/email/ or leave your information and I would be happy to call you. I know what you’re going through and I would love to help. Thank you, Miss Solomon

  16. Hi! I’m 23 and I just recently started dating a lot. During my high school years I wasn’t allowed to date so I never really got to experience the dating world. Once I graduated I got into a long relationship so I am only recently single. It’s scary and I long for a serious relationship but I also realize that dating is good for me. I always get really attractive guys interested in me at first, but I tend to think I’m not good enough for them and have a hard time seeing myself as their equal, and I think it shows and they eventually become dis-interested. How can I boost my self confidence when Mr. abs asks me out lol I know it sounds silly but I psych myself out SO bad. Thanks for the article btw I loved it!

    1. Thank you for the comment. That’s a tough question and trust me I’ve gone through the same situation. What I did, that I’m proud of, is I trained my inner voice to be a cheerleader instead of a critic. I found a way to make my inner voice gentle and kind so when I get insecure my inner voice says, ” You got this.” instead of you’re out of your league. Pay attention to what your inner dialogue is telling you and work on changing it to a voice that supports you. The next time to get down on yourself just say, “You got this, you are awesome and he knows it.” Do everything you can to silence your inner critic because others will believe what you believe about yourself. I hope this was helpful.

  17. I met this guy online and we hung out, sexted and fooled around a few times. Then we lost touch and now have started talking again. He said I’m his dream girl and we made plans to meet up in a few weeks. Before he was very attentive, would text, respond to pics and sexting. This time he seems lukewarm. So, I told him how I felt and that I didn’t think it would work out. He begged me to give him another chance. But he is still lukewarm. If I send him a sexy pic he doesn’t say anything until I ask about it. If I sext him he will say lol or just talk about something else. But If i say anything about moving on, he says I’m crazy of course he’s into me and that he’s not done with me. I don’t know what to do!

    1. Thank you so much for your comment. Unfortunately, I think you know exactly what to do. Follow your instincts and move on. If he wants you in his life he knows where to find you. Men can be clueless but they aren’t dumb. Give him and yourself more credit. You know he’s playing games, you can feel it, so trust yourself. I hope this was helpful.

  18. I have been dating this guy for 4 weeks and been on 5 days. After being single for three years I am actually starting to really like this guy. We get along so well and we text every single day. He says things like “it’s always nice seeing you” in texts after a date. And I always offer to pay but he pays everytime. And he generally plans dates 4-5 days in advance. We slept together on the 4th and 5th date. And then this week we still texted daily, but very short texts and not very often so I have been feeling nervous for a few days.

    On Thursday he asks me what I am doing for the weekend and I said I kept Friday free (because we spent the last 3 Fridays together) but busy Sat and Sun. He texts back that he is busy Friday catching up with mates. I am more annoyed at myself that I didn’t make plans with friends because I assumed we would catch up. But I replied anyway and said “well when can I see you” and he said maybe next week.

    On Friday I hadn’t heard from him, so I thought I may as well take control because I never do, so I rang him and said “just double checking you’re not free tonight” and he said no he is still going out. So I suggested he stay at mine after and he just said “nah I can’t” but didn’t say why. And then I sounded really clingy and said “well when will I get to see you” and he was like I don’t know we can organize something next week.

    Now it is Saturday and I don’t know what he is doing tonight but I have a birthday and really want to text him later to see if we should meet up but I have a gut feeling something is not right. One part of me thinks I have put myself out there, now the ball is in his court, so leave it. But the other part of me thinks “yolo” if I ask to catch up and he doesn’t want to then at least I know it is over.

    it is just so upsetting as after a 6 year relationship and now 3 years single I have never felt this way since my ex. And now I have met this guy and I can genuinely see us having something good together. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

  19. This is helpful. I always seems to attract the guys who wants to sleep with you the moment you meet them. I can’t seems to stay with a guy longer than a month. I allowed the guy to approached me. What am I doing wrong?

    1. Thank you for your comment. The best way to attract the exact men that you want is to know who that guy is. Get a clear vision on what he will act like, possibly enjoy doing and pass up every guy that isn’t exactly what you want. The key is to be discerning about who you date and set boundaries. Men will always try to sleep with women because that’s their version of closeness and intimacy. The key is not to allow the courtship to move in a direction that you aren’t comfortable with. I hope this helps.

  20. Hello! I need your help. I have been dating a guy that I dated briefly in high school again now for 2 years and we are now in our 40’s. We ran into one another 2 years ago and he was interested and said he had been looking for me as he saw a photo of me recently at my job where he was for school at the time . Moving forward he asked me out. Great first date. Had an amazing time and we both were so hopeful about finding one another again. He was in “love”, and things moved very quickly spending most every night with one another then two months in ….HALT…. He states things are moving way too fast and things slow way, way down but continue. We still saw one another several times a week. He would bring up fears from past two marriages he had and that he felt I would just end up leaving him too. By the way I never have been married, engaged, but not married. Moving forward to after 1 year less and less time spent together but he would text me like crazy if he felt I was moving on or going to break up . We started doing more together but much less sex. The more time that passes we rarely have sex and when we last did it was amazing but that was back in May ??. We are barely seeing one another , maybe one a week and now maybe only twice a month. I communicated my unhappiness and we started seeing each other weekly just for two weeks and now back to maybe twice a month . No sex since May. He texts daily . We went out last weekend, started well ended in a fight. He said he is “Done” but I have heard from him some this week although not daily. We have an upcomming concert and overnight stay coming this weekend . He wants to go but again is only doing it to make me happy and as he said ” as hard as that seems to be to do ” I feel lonely a lot now and need help / advice. I love him. How can I help to revive what we once had. He has told me that all I do lately is nag at him. HELP PLEASE

  21. I have been talking to someone by phone and text, text mostly for 3 1/2 months met him 1 time after months In their car talked for about an hour, never met up again.. later asked if the was interested in me did they still want to get to know me he said if he would tell me, but how can you get to know someone you are not around at all, I tell him how I feel and give compliments I dont know what else to do our beginning convos were nice, we want the same things im not rushing for relationship just dating, I tell him I need to know am I wasting my time, he never shares his feelings ( he just say things like if thats how you feel)

    1. Thank you so much for your comment! I truly believe that you deserve a man that’s crazy about you. It’s hard to speak to your specific situation but men are hardly ever confused about what they want. It has been my experience that a man who acts ambivalent about dating you, being inconsistent with his attention, isn’t very interested in dating you. I think you are wasting your time and attention by investing in someone who isn’t reciprocating. I hope this was helpful.

  22. Oh your article is really helpful. I just wanna ask. I have been talking to a man I meet online since 7 month. He is like a nice, caring, sincere person. He shows that he like me. When we he reply so slow and sometimes no reply at all. He say he is busy at work cuz he is a Doctor. So we argue sometimes and not talk again then It changed last week, its like we are always talking and he type so fast. Seems like he really care for me and seems like we are gf/bf. Then I make bad mistakes, I create other account so that I can see If he is serious. He talked to other which is me and he say he dont have girlfriend. And I say I will travel to the country where he lives, and make plan. I cant control my emotions so I say things that will be obvious its me. Then I simply blocked him to that account. Then back on my account, I make it really obvious that its me texting him to other account. He say be matured, like what u promise, he say he wants me only, and he say he wont give up on us. Then after that I texted him so many, to say sorry and to make him not mad at me. I tried call him but no reply, He decline call. I didnt hear anything from him for 3 days it happend. What should I do now? Should I move on?

    1. Thank you so much for writing to me. I really appreciate your compliment and I feel for the situation. While I don’t know this man, the story sounds more about you and your personal value. You have to feel comfortable with what happens in your relationships. You have to be patient and think positively in dating. If this man isn’t trust worthy then don’t trust him, and stop dating him, but if you like him, have faith in him. It takes time to build a relationship. What you did now makes you seem untrustworthy. If you would love more help with this please book a discovery session with me, and we can speak further. In the meantime, investigate why you feel so insecure and apologize! I hope this was helpful.

  23. I have been talking to a guy who’s 21 for about 5 months now. We have never met but we have a lot of things in common. He texts me everyday and he’s always there when I need him. I’m at college and work but he’s also a busy guy with his apprenticeship and his hobbies etc. I just don’t understand where I stand with him, one minute he wants more than friends the next he isn’t ready for a relationship. Neither of us want to rush into a relationship but I just don’t know where I properly stand with him. I don’t know if he just wants sex (friends with benefits) or he if does want more. He’s a guy who’s a closed book so trying to figure him out isn’t the easiest thing to do. He also lives over an hour away from me and he’s the only one who drives. Should I move on or do I stay texting him?

    1. Thank you so much for writing to me. I think you should ask the tough questions and don’t be afraid of the answers. The reason you might feel so unsure about where the relationship stands it could be because you’re afraid or anxious about the answer. Keep in mind that people adopt our personal value. If we don’t think much of ourselves we become afraid that others won’t think much of us either. If this guy doesn’t want a relationship it doesn’t make either one of you bad people. Maybe just not right for each other. Don’t take it personally because it’s all based on what you believe. If you know in your core that you’re worthy of a great guy, then don’t waste too much time on this guy. Tell him what you want and let him know how much you care about him. Don’t be too attached for the outcome. I hope this helps.

  24. Hi, thank you for your article. I am trying to figure out a relationship I just got into lately. I met this guy and we’ve been on a few dates. From the very first moment, I had a feeling he was exactly what I’ve been looking for. But from the very first moment, I,ve also been wrong with my perception of his interest. On the first date, I thought he was not interested and he endend up passionately kissing me. The next day, I still had a feeling he probably didnt want to see me again but he surprised me by asking me out again. And it is not because I feel that I am not an interesting person but because he really has a distant approach on everything, including me.

    So we’ve seen each other again but I still had a feeling that he was so distant (not texting much, not being much enthusiastic and not going above and beyond to fit me in his schedule) that it was probably just a lack of interest from him. So I told him that I would rather stop seeing him because I really liked him and didn’t understand why it was so complicated to just see each other. I thought he would just take the opportunity to end things, specially after I opened up. But he took a day to think it though and came back to me saying that there is no reason why we should stop seeing each other and that I should not worry.

    So since then, I noticed efforts from him to reach out a little more, but I still feel like he’s still not including me in his life. So I am at this point where I feel like I should move on because I am definitely not comfortable, but at the same time, I feel like maybe I should just be patient and respect that he’s just not giving me everything right away. How to know if I should be patient or move on because I am not comfortable in this grey area. I am really willing to respect his pace, he’s worth it. And I don’t really need to see him more than what we do now. But I am afraid that by accepting his distant behavior, he will keep me in his life without really including me in it….

    I am sorry my english is not perfect, it’s a second language. But thank you for reading.
    Cathy

    1. Hello, thank you so much for writing to me. I’d be happy to offer some advice even though I don’t know much about your situation. I would first suggest deciding what you really want him to do and then ask him to do it. While we want men to take control, some don’t know what to do so it’s important to tell him what you want and celebrate him when he does it. Next is to identify why you feel unfulfilled. You likely want more of his attention, if you think he’s capable of it start showing him more attention and hopefully he follows the lead. If you don’t think he has the ability to give you what you want then stop seeing him, not because he’s a bad person but maybe you really aren’t compatible, don’t be afraid of that. The love that you deserve is out there and you deserve it. So don’t think this man is it, maybe he’s just a preview of what’s to come into your life. If you’re looking for more clarity, feel free to schedule a discovery session with me. I hope this helps.

  25. Hey.. i need help.. I’m seeing this guy.. its been a month now.. He’s my senior in office.. Ive just started working .. been 4 months. he had been asking me out since quiet some time. last month i agreed. first date was dinner n drinks. some fancy place. pretty nice. next he invited me to his house. i din think anything will happen so soon. but it kind of did. one thing led to another on the 3rd date. we went home after movie n dinner. now since this month we meet at his home only. he dosent texts much during d days. only what i ask him.. we never talk on phone. he’s kind of a serious guy. with work n all. stays busy. at office, no one knows n its more like nothing is happening. we hardly talk. at home he’s totally different. he sweet n nice n respectful n caring and loving, we talk and watch movies and all. i mostly stay over only. he’s 5 yrs elder to me. i dont know where is this going? i definetly want a proper relationship. but he’s not very crazy or passionate. he’s very sweet in everything he does when we are together. but other than that he dosent really shows much interest, he knows what i tell him. i talk he listens. am i thinking too much or is this just a sexual relationship or is this too soon to judge? or is he just that kind of a guy. i dont want casual. how do i know where is he at with us? should i ask? i dont want to look too desperate.

    1. Thank you so much for your comment. Based on what you wrote he sounds like a decent guy. Although you may want more from him, I think you should start dating other people. While you haven’t been upfront with what you want from him I think it’s ok to be patient and date him but also meet other men who might offer more. Wanting a relationship isn’t a bad thing but waiting for the other person to decide to give you one is. I recommend that you start dating other people and if this man’s behavior changes great. Maybe you’ll lose interest in him or maybe he’ll step his game up. Don’t put your life on hold waiting for the relationship to change. It is what it is and that might be good for now so be patient but open your options up as well. I hope this was helpful.

      1. Hey.. Thank you. It helped. Just one more thing.. We kind of have sex every time we’re at his place or mine. Which is mostly twice a week atleast. And its what we do. Movie drinks dinner and you know. Should i ask him to move out of home and go out too for a change? and is it okay to date other people when i’m sleeping with him every week.?

        1. I’m really happy I could be helpful. I want you to know that you are in control of what you want. All you have to do is ask for it. If you’re afraid that if you ask for too much then this man will leave you or stop dating you then you are just delaying the inevitable. A man who isn’t willing to compromise or go out of his way to make you happy isn’t the right man for you. Even if you don’t date others right away don’t be afraid to start meeting new people in hopes of finding a guy who is crazy about you. Keep in mind that maybe the man that you’re seeing just doesn’t know what you want. Maybe if he knew he’d be happy to give it to you. Thanks again.

          1. Hey,, i spoke to him.. its been more than a month now.. so we were talking on texts yesterday.. so i asked him.. I want to know what are we doing.. he was like.. I’m not looking for a relation right now.. i asked what are you doing with me then and he was like i am doing?? am i forcing you? against your will?.. i said.. i thought this was going somewhere.. I don’t do casual.. after a few similar texts..I then told him I don’t think we should meet anymore.. he said i have been transparent.. i wrote a long message saying i desereved better and more and that he’s not good guy n he dosent know me at all.. i felt so bad.. like so needy.. like losing my self respect.. what should i do? did i hurry.. should i have given more time? was i desperate? he’s my warehouse manager.. i’ll see him almost everyday.. he was stable and serious.. i thought this could be something. i feel really bad. nobody blows me off like that. and now i’m the sad one..

          2. Thank you so much for your comment. I completely understand your situation and I would love to help you directly. Feel free to schedule a complimentary session with me here https://www.vcita.com/v/ef802e7ea4177655/online_scheduling?o=Y29udGFjdF9mb3Jt&s=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.thedatingtruth.com%2Femail%2F&type=video#/schedule
            Also, I want to take this opportunity to share a really important point. Just because what someone is offering you isn’t what you want, it doesn’t make it bad. He is not a bad person because you want more and he isn’t ready to give it. You are not a bad person for wanting more. There is a way to resolve the situation amicable possibly salvage the relationship so you can peacefully work together. I’d be happy to help you personally, I look forward to speaking with you.

  26. thanks for posting this. Recently I started dating a guy a little over a month ago. We would talk daily, saw each other once a week, etc. he called me on the phone, asked how my day was & even asked me how I felt about us. We haven’t had sex yet because he wants to take things slow. He also shared that he doesn’t want to settle down anytime soon. I agreed with that statement so we continued to see each other because I’m very happy when I’m with him.

    However,the past two weeks of his life has been hectic: moving into a new house, a family vacation,& traveling for work. We have talked, but not as much as before. I wanted to give him his space since he’s dealing with so much; we have not seen each other yet now that he’s returned. I asked if he wanted to see each other on Friday and he said it “sounded amazing” but he was swamped at work and didn’t think he’d get out on time. I told him I understood and I hope the rest of his day went well and ended the conversation on a light note.

    I can’t tell if this is just due to all of the recent events going on in is life, if this is what he meant by talking it slow, losing interest …?
    I want to ask him for clarification and my own ease of mind, but I don’t know if that would just be too much for him and adding to his plate. Maybe I should wait it out until things settle? Thoughts?

    1. Thank you so much for sharing your story. You want his attention and you miss the comfort of routine and consistency. That’s normal. I think you did the right thing. To get upset would be to take his behavior personally but it isn’t. What he does has nothing to do with you. He’s putting himself first and you should too. What you want most is to know what will happen and you can’t unless you plan a date in advance. Take the initiative, be patient and don’t take his behavior personally. If you want more ask for it. If he isn’t ready to settle down, BELIEVE HIM. Decide for yourself what you want, don’t let him give you crumbs when you deserve more. I hope this was helpful.

      1. Thank you. It was helpful! I took your advice and took the initiative; I sent him a text to set up our next date & he agreed. He asked me how my day was and then I never heard back. I’m going to try the next step, which is be patient, have faith that he’s just busy, then have more conversation when I see him.

        1. Thank you so much for commenting. Patience is key. Its also important not to tie your self worth to someone else’s behavior. Do it because you want to. Not because you want something. I’m happy to help.

  27. Hi I’m seeing this guy who I happened to have sex with when we were younger. He had a gf at that time so I didn’t meet up with him after that. He used to message me but I ignored him because i had a boyfriend everytime he tried to chat with me. It’s been 10 years now and he messaged me last month via Facebook and I replied back and I think we’re sort of dating. But I find him very inconsistent. He used to message me a lot but it has lessened now. We still talk a lot and make up a lot too each time we meet. Is that even healthy? He’ll text me when he’s about to play basketball and I’ll text him once I arrived at work. He’s been single for 3 years now and I’ve been single for 9 months. Do you think we have chance or we’re just fooling ourselves.

    1. Thank you for your comment. I have to be completely honest, no matter what has happened in the past you deserve a man who is crazy about you. You deserve a man who doesn’t keep you guessing about how he feels about you. You deserve a loving, and equally contributing partner who shows you how he feels about you. Don’t settle for crumbs because the attention feels good. Set a standard and stick to it because you are totally worth it. I hope this was helpful.

  28. I am a woman in my 40s. I met a man from a local dating site. We hit it off for about one month. He was very romantic, generous, fun to be around. We did many activities together including fitness, he made me meals, took me for dinners, bought me clothes, took me to two festivals (he bought me a crystal necklace at one). He called me beautiful every day and said your sweet. His health was not good when we met, he has BP and diabetes (he is older than I am) and also he has ED (and has not had sex in over one year from this condition). So he was very stressed. I got him off the BP pills and onto vitamins. At one point he wanted to leave due to his health but changed his mind. The last time we were together we tried to have sex but it did not happen and it was very demeaning for him. So 2 days later I received a text he did not want to see me anymore as he feels hes not the right man for me and he has to focus on his health. He did not even call me I was very upset about this, as Im not from this city. So we texted back and forth some and he said he cared a lot and wanted to still help me (I am in between jobs now). After one week he called and said he missed me and wanted to still do activities with me and take me for dinners. That evening he called and took me to a fancy restaurant in town. He seemed a bit different in the car, he never tried to hold my hand but he just got off work. So after this he dropped me home (it was pouring rain) and said’ it was nice seeing you again, enjoy the rest of your evening”. After this I did not hear from him. FOrgot to mention I had deleted my dating profile so would have to call me to talk. After 4 days I left him a voicemail as to how he was and what is going on with us, are we dating or what? So last evening he called and he was friendly enough but he said it was not a date. I just got a job and he was happy for me. He then got into his health some and mentioned his ED is clearing up and hes get erections again on his own (which is good but for him to bring this up to me when we are broken up kind of puzzled me)…. so my head is very mixed up. This man wanted me to move in with him, I have a lot of medical knowledge being a nurse and even talked about having a child with me.

    1. Thank you so much for your comment and I would love to help you personally. If you’re willing to speak with me to gain insight and clarity on the situation please book a free session here: https://www.vcita.com/v/ef802e7ea4177655/online_scheduling?o=Y29udGFjdF9mb3Jt&s=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.thedatingtruth.com%2Femail%2F&type=video#/schedule I’d love to have more background on the situation so that I can help you resolve the situation for the best. I will add, based on what you’ve told me so far that you have as much control over directing the relationship as your partner. A lot of times we wait for others to give us permission to have a committed relationship but you have more power than you realize. It’s important that you claim it. I hope this was helpful.

  29. ijst met a man last week..he was flitting bt I wasn’t showing interest jst Incase he wasn’t serious with me..he uses to care a lot BT I continued ignoring because Iwas waiting for the right time..now he told me he doesn’t want anything from me..he is mad at me and wouldn’t talk to me..am confused and don’t know what to do …how do I. brinc him back on track??? how do i make it up to hi. I really need this man..l

  30. Hello, I met a great guy about 3 weeks ago, we texted a lot for a few days, we met and started seeing each other every day, it was like magic, we talked, laughed, kissed, hugged and had a great time together, about 10 days after we started seeing each other, he changed, overnight, he said he had some time to think and that he got scared because he was having a lot of feeling fast, that every day he saw me, he liked me more and more, that it was like if he was in a bubble an the bubble burst and he realized that he wasn’t ready for a new relationship and at this point he didn’t know if he wanted to be alone or with me. He has been separated for about 10 months now, since he broke up with his wife of 10 years. I asked him at the beginning if he was ready for a new relationship and he said yes. After he changed, he asked me to take it slow and I agreed, but it didn’t work for neither of us, after a few days he said, he needed to be alone and after I said some bad things and apologize afterwards for my bad behavior, we decided to stay friends. It may sound stupid, but I miss him, we were so good together and I wonder if he’ll ever like me again. The first days I texted him, telling him how I felt, he took a while to answer every time, but was always nice and friendly. I’m still sad and depressed but a couple of days ago I’ve decided to stop texting and go on with my life, I’m trying to meet other people, but I can’t stop thinking about him. What should I do?

    1. Thank you so much for taking the time to write to me. My first suggestion as always, is to book a free discovery session with me so we can speak in detail about the situation and I can offer you direct insight. Feel free to do so here… http://bit.ly/1PFq23K You have to appreciate when people come into your life and give you a glimpse of what you want in a relationship. You’re getting closer to who you’re meant to date but there are still areas for you to grow and that’s the lesson to learn. Don’t take his rejection as a value judgement, its not about you. It’s natural for you to miss him and want to be with him because he showed you something that you wanted. Hold on to the feeling as proof of what’s possible and begin to find the man that’s right for you. Think about what you liked about the relationship and starting looking for that in other relationships. There is more than one man out there for you. With each relationship you’re getting closer and closer to the right one. Instead of viewing the relationship as proof that there is something wrong with you, take it as a sign that you’re getting better at attracting more of what you want. I hope this was helpful.

  31. Im dating a guy frompast 5 months….i didnt evn seen him….at first he was very friendly….lateron i came to knw that he was intrestd in sex chat….n for his sake i had 2_3 times…he is a busy guy…if he is free he will chat with me for hours…but if not he wont evn see my msgs….i had called him only once…im not getting wat type of perdon he is….he told alll relations grows over time…n to wait…..but wen he is busy he dont reply n that makes me really hurting….so how to proceed???help me out…..

    1. Thank you for your question. I believe that you have to know and accept your value first before anyone else will. If you’re accepting poor behavior then why would a man change? You say you’re unhappy but there you stay in the relationship with him. It’s not anyone else’s responsibility to change a situation you don’t like but your own. If you want the situation to change then change your behavior, your perspective or leave the relationship altogether. I hope this was helpful.

  32. I met this guy who is 12 years older than me in April at a party, and we slept the first night we met. After that night, we started seeing each other once a week; and after a month, we started meeting 2-3 times per week; sometimes, we spent the whole weekend together. On the bright side, he has been taking care of me a lot when we’re together, and always trying to arrange the next meet-ups or so. On the dark side, I think he hides too much from me. He never tells me anything beforehand. For instance, when he has a trip coming, I would only be informed one day prior his trip. In addition, he never accepted my FB friend request which I sent him twice when we began getting intimate and seeing each other 2-3 times per week (he uses FB frequently). He introduced me to some of his guy friends, but he never mentions whenever he hangs out with his girl friends.

    We separated in July as I went back home for about 2 months and he went on a vacation for a month. While we were separated, we texted occasionally, like once per week. I came back early september, and we travelled together for a weekend. After the trip, I was assuming everything was like what it was like before I went back home, that we would still spend weekends together. However, the first weekend after our trip he told me he had a friend visit and it was his birthday, so he couldn’t be with me although he sent me some photos of the party. Last week which is the second week after our trip, we texted briefly during the weekdays, but when I texted him twice on the weekend, he seemed to be unresponsive, which was never the case before.

    I can totally sense that he’s not very serious from the beginning, but I felt like our relationship was at least slowly progressing from April to June, and he told me he expected me to be back when I was at home. Our trip was also seemed to be enjoyable to both of us but I don’t know why he behaved a bit differently after the trip. Maybe he met a new girl, maybe he lost interest, or maybe he thinks I want more for which he can’t give. But I really hate his unresponsive and disappearing act. I think I at least deserve a talk, a reason or a goodbye after 4-5 months of dating. Given he hasn’t replied any of the two messages I sent over the weekend, should I initiate another message/email asking him what’s wrong and to be verbally clear about his thoughts, or should I just let it go, never contacting him again until he texts back?

    1. Thank you for your comment. Based on everything you shared it sounds like you should take a step back from the relationship and look at it objectively. If you have a feeling that he hasn’t been forthcoming with you there could be something there. Take a look at the facts of the relationship and judge it against how you believe a man who likes you and is excited about dating you should act. Is he doing all of the right things or are you accepting less than you deserve. Also, take time to identify what you want. If you aren’t feeling secure in the relationship there could be a reason for this that you are ignoring. It’s hard to give you specific advice with so little information but if you’d like to book a free discovery session with me, I’d love to speak with you more about it. You can do so here http://www.vcita.com/thedatingtruth
      I hope this was helpful.

  33. Dear Miss Solomon,

    Ive browsed (and read) some of your older posts, and came to this post which has abundant comments (and issues in it). I feel for all readers, as I too, have the similar one. Reading it one by one, is like finishing my puzzling relationships, because my love life is intercepting with many stories above. One with, the unreliable guy, who loves me so much but careless (and dare not) to what I need. One with the totally bounded guy (by his marriage) who is infatuated by me so much, but we’re both helpless with the situation. One with totally stranger whom I just met and crazy for. The latter one now seemed to consume a lot of my mind, and have the most similarities with many stories above.

    We met during my travel months ago, and connected to only email afterward for months, it was not a lot of emails, only once every couple weeks. Then during one occasional business trip he went back to town, and we decided to set up a dinner (not calling it a date). One thing led to another, I ended up staying the night with him. From that moment on, the conversation was so intense. We only communicate on chatting, because both of us were on heavy travelling. He was with business, I was with my vacation month. The chatting went on and on, we talked a lot of ideas, topics, silly things, flirting, pics and everything that we can chat about. He was so sweet and kind. For me, he was too kind (i am used to bastard guy!). Even we chat, when i was doing my city walking tour and he was in business meeting at that time. So basically he was with me the whole trip, despite not being physical present. Suddenly, just prior to my vacation end, he disappeared, when i asked the answer were phone broken and been very busy (cliche?). But I trust him, so I just let it be. Until now. And I kinda “downgrade” the communication style back to emailing, with no personal touch.

    Now i know the common question will be, what is wrong with it? how do i settle with it? and the answer will also be..what i do want him to do, ask him, if i have proper answer then proceed, if don’t, then leave it.
    But, thats not my question.

    My dear Miss Solomon,

    My question is, based on your experience (and I trust your expertise), why do men always (and capable of) doing that? They can have fragmented feelings from when to be sweet and nice, to when to be hard and stiff. Now I have to admit, I don’t have many experience with guy in my love life, because I tend to be stiff and play hard. I am far from womanly side. Say like, If you don’t like me, why do I have to bother you. But being single recently, made me think that I have to move on. But beforehand, I have to, one, understand men from their perspective. And, secondly, I have to let go of my pride being so hard to play, when in fact I just realised that this is only my way to show that i am shy (and lazy) to move and is deeply insecured with men (I have background on it).

    Thanks Miss Solomon! and by the way, I contacted you for the appointment 😉

    1. Thank you so much for sharing your comment. I think what’s wonderful is that we can see that all of us go through ups and downs in relationships. You’re not alone and there is nothing wrong with you because you land in a certain situation. What is important to me is that you find something useful within the posts or comments that encourage you to move on from negative relationships and know that you deserve a guy who is excited about you and consistent in his behavior. Feel free to book a free discovery session with me, if I can be of any help to you personally. http://www.vcita.com/thedatingtruth Thank you again, for reading and sharing your beautiful comment.

  34. I wanted to write as i feel like what i have now is really related to this article. I wanna know how to keep this guy interested with me. I met this guy weeks ago. We have seen each other twice and along the way we kept texting. Although he is a busy guy, he never fails to message me everyday, a simple good morning and goodnight. He also tells me his schedule or what happens at work. If he’s at work and not busy, he keeps texting me. He’s smart and sensible, as well as straightforward. He told me that if ever I wanted to ask him anything, just tell him and he’ll be honest. I am starting to really like this guy.
    I must also admit that we did have sex but i actually told him that it’s not really the hook up that I am looking for and that i really wanna get to know him (too soon?). He said he understood and agreed that we should hangout and go out more together. Now he’s asking all my scheds cause he wants to actually know when we can go out. He takes note of the things I like, the music, the food the wine and prepares it for me…It’s kind of nice. I guess the reason why I wrote this is because I wanted to know what to feel, should i take it easy? what do i do, let it flow? I tend to overthink and a little overwhelmed. It’s been almost 4 years since a guy made me feel this way. I wanna know if he likes me and how to keep everything cool, i get too excited sometimes.

    1. Thank you so much for your comment. I think it’s wonderful that you’ve met someone that you like. Try not to get too anxious about the relationship and believe that things are always working out for your good. Most importantly, enjoy the relationship.

  35. Im thinking of giving up hope.. we been frends for 8 years and recently tried to make a relationship work. I was put in hot water jus cos i asked if we r frends or not. He jus started acting and saying he thought we are more than that and how can i even ask such.. he then said hes fine with whatever title we are. Then few days ago he visited me an we talked he said we should try see each other regularly.. do things together etc told me how much he loves me and want to take me out.. even asked me when can he but i didn have an exact date.. But now 5 days later he hasn’t said anything,no call or text about that last convo. I dont even know whether hes expecting me to start the relationship convo.. or tell him when im free.. or tell him i want to see him.. im so fustrated.. i need to know where i stand, i feel like hes trying to play with my emotions.. sometimes i think hes afraid of me.. or shy. How can i get an honest answer so i can know whether to move on or not

    1. Thank you for your comment. It sounds like the conditions are driving the feelings but it’s important to feel the feeling in order to drive the condition. Don’t wait for him to dictate the relationship. Ask for what you want and tell him what you want him to do. If he isn’t willing then he might not be a match for you. There are obviously aspects that you like about him and care about him. Work with him to make the relationship work. It’s a partnership. Don’t take all the responsibility or put the responsibility on him either. Ask. Communicate. Don’t leave anything unsaid. And don’t be afraid to feel the emotions. The outcome will be the best thing for your relationship. I hope this was helpful.

  36. Hi. Thank you so much for writing this article. And this is really helpful.

    I have been dating a guy for two months. However, we do not see other often as he is a very busy and successful man. He travels a lot. We do enjoy our time being together. However, he is not like some other guys who would send flowers or make effort to impress me. I enjoy the conversation when we are together. But he seldom calls me or texts me unless i make the move first. But he always calls me back once he misses the call and explains why he misses the calls. I am not sure if i overtake it at this stage, because if I do not call him first, I may not hear from him. But he says he likes me a lot. I have not entered a serious relationship yet. And I never rushed anything. But can you advice me how to make it moving forward, please?

    Thank you very much.

    1. Thank you so much for your comment. I understand your situation as it’s very common. It’s important to figure out what you want, what you want this man to do to make you happy and if he has the capacity to do the things that you want. Keep in mind that relationships are long term endeavors. You won’t know now if you are compatible for a long term relationship but you can decide now what behaviors you like and what behaviors you don’t. If you want the relationship to progress, talk about it. Tell him what you see in the future but also pay attention to what he might want. Don’t take it personally if your needs don’t align. It’s more important that he is interested in aligning with your relationship goals than they already being aligned. Is he willing to call you more or be more attentive? Take time to decipher what you know about him and remember that a man will commit to you once be feels understood and accepted. Do your best to qualify that he can give you what you’re asking for then ask for it. You might just need to increase communication on your end and remember to reward the good behavior before highlighting the bad. I hope this was helpful.

  37. i really am happy to come across this web it will guide me to keep a guy, most of my relationships have been failing because i did not have the guidelines for a relationship, so from now on i will take if from there. I did not know that i should not call a man time and again, i am going to stop this and follow your instructions. Thank you very much. Please keep on guiding me.

  38. Omg! I love this. I just met this amazing guy he’s so sweet and caring he shows me he cares and tells me and he lets me know things. This is new to me. I’m just a little nervous because it feels too good to be true. I really hope he is the one.

  39. I met this guy it has been about 3 weeks. He does have a very demanding job with the FBI, I would usually hear from him first thing in the morning mostly via phone calls while on his way to work, and other times via text. He would sometimes contact me in the evening if it wasn’t too late. We went out on about 3 dates. Our phone conversations got very heavy with sex talk. I am very attracted to him, however I am very picky in whom I give myself to hence the reason I have only had 4 sex partners in my 40 years of life. He is the first guy that I have been so attracted to since I started dating after being divorced for 3 years. I wanted to wait, but my body was constantly in libido mode. So I decided to have sex with him this past Sunday. Well needless to say I barely have heard from him since. He said he enjoyed it, and texted me later than evening stating something like that session didn’t count because I didn’t fully let him give me oral sex (yes I kind of ran from it, its been 3 years since I had sex, it was overwhelming). But since that message I heard from only once yesterday saying hello I replied and haven’t gotten a response. Am I reading to much into this, or did he get what he wanted and done with me?

    1. Thank you for reading and for your comment. I think it’s important to get to know the man that you’re dating as well as you can so that if his behavior changes you’re clear on why. I think what you may be afraid of is that he was leading you on and he might have been. I don’t want you to feel bad about meeting a great guy and having fun with him. If you weren’t looking for something that was just fun then remind yourself to set stricter boundaries next time but just let the courtship run its course, even if it’s over. It’s not a judgement against you. He might not have been the right guy but you are on the right path and he just showed you what you do want in a man, even if you already knew it’s a good reminder. I’m not sure where your courtship is headed, but I don’t want you to label it a “mistake”. It’s just a fun experience that you learned something from. I hope this was helpful.

  40. Hi, I love your post so much!!
    I don’t feel like posting my story online can I get your email so I can write you in private please?
    Thank you

  41. I just started seeing this great guy that i had my eyes on for a while now and i did take your advice and let him approach me first.
    Now what?

    1. Thank you for your comment. Now what! Enjoy yourself! Get to know him and and let him get to know you. Be open-minded and have a great time in the courtship. 🙂

  42. Hi there, would appreciate your opinion. I met a guy 8 months ago and for the first 6 months I had no doubts about his feelings, it was obvious he was in love with me and everything was wonderful. Several traumatic life events have occurred over the past few months which has caused both a lot of stress and emotional pain. He began to withdraw from the relationship to the point where I was confused about his feelings. We have had it out and he admits to be being depressed the last couple of months and not really ‘with’ me. He says that the relationship dies not feel the same as it did but he attributes that to stress. He says he does not want to throw it away and asked me to be patient with him. I love him and want things to be the way they were however I also do not want to be in a relationship with somebody who is only half in. I believe the only way to revive the connection is to spend time with one another but I don’t want to be the one to initiate this all the time because the only way I can gauge his level of interest in the relationship is by his initiation. I feel like it is a bit of a catch 22. I don’t know how long I should wait for him.

    1. Thank you so much for your comment and I will share my honest opinion. Based on the information that you have shared this is what I would do if I were you. I would take some time apart and see how you feel. Sometimes, the only way we can get a good look at the picture is by taking a step back. The unfortunate part of dealing with a partner who doesn’t feel good is that they are only focused on themselves, they can’t focus on you or your needs. While it might be your instinct to stay close and stoke the fire sometimes its best to put the fire out and start over. Ideally, you will both learn something about yourselves and about the relationship that will make it even stronger after some time apart. What I would advise against is taking on your partner’s burdens. You are not responsible for how someone else feels. You are not responsible for someone else’s actions. You are not any less loving, and wonderful because someone isn’t loving you or telling you so. You are valuable and deserving of love. You have to know this, even when the relationship is rocky and feels absent of love. It’s often in conflict when we start doubting our worth. My opinion is to take a step back. Re-evaluate the relationship and be patient. Especially with yourself. I hope this was helpful.

  43. I’ve been with the same man for about 10 years now (not married). We’ve lived together for about 3 years. When I lived on my own I had my own job and paid my own bills. When I moved in I had to quit my job because it was too far of a daily drive. He soon let me know I didn’t have to worry about rushing into a new job to take my time to get adjusted into my new city. One month turned into 3 years without working. I basically just became a “housewife”. He makes a good living so money has never been an issue. The issue now is he has become an alcoholic and our relationship has gone down the drain (from my end). His alcoholism has also brought anxiety into his life. He depends on me 24-7. I’ve fallen out of love and feel like I want out. I feel extremely guilty because I know he loves me and needs me. But what about me? I feel like my life is passing me by and I’m not getting anywhere. I haven’t worked or dated in so long. I don’t even know where to start. I feel like I’ve become a caregiver and I’m miserable. I don’t know what to do.

    1. Thank you so much for reading and thank you for your comment. I appreciate your honesty in your comment and I believe that you deserve support with what you’re going through. My suggestion is to seek a coach- life, business or dating coaching to set you in the right direction. Unlike therapy coaches can help you create an action plan to take you to the next step. There are several great coaches who specifically deal with women in your situation. Most coaches offer a free discovery session, just speaking with someone might open your mind to what is possible. I hope this was helpful.

  44. I have been on 5 dates with this guy and we text every day. I thought things were going really well, he even let me meet his 9 year old son. The next day he was supossed to come over but he said we needed to talk. He told me hes not ready for anything serious yet. The guy has been married most of his adult life so I guess i can undrstand him not wanting to settle with the first person he meets. He says we have great chemistry, hes attracted to me and there is nothing wrong with my personality….i finally got it out of him that he wants to meet other people but remain friends with me. I asked him if he wants to quit being intimate with me and he said he doesnt know. I cant tell if hes trying to spare my feelings or what hes thinking. He still says good morning over text every morning. Hes kind of odd. I have no idea what to do but i have developed feelings for him and it hurts me deeply that he thinks there is someone better out there.

    1. Thank you so much for reading and for your comment. I want to tell you this: THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU, ITS JUST NOT THE RIGHT TIME. There is nothing that can be done when you meet the right person at the wrong time. Its incredibly disappointing but if he isn’t ready it’s him not you. That’s not a cop out, it’s really the truth. He’s not ready to be a great partner to you and you should appreciate that he told you before things got too serious. Appreciate that about him. So many men would just go ghost or fade out. You should do something nice for him to tell him that you appreciate his honesty and be friends with him if you can, if not, just know that you are on the right path. You are so close to meeting the right man for you. Don’t stop now. Stay optimistic, I hope this was helpful.

  45. I am looking for advice I dated this guy two years ago and we broke up over a misunderstanding. And I never seen him again but I ran in to him a few days ago and we talked about what happened. And he said he was sorry he didn’t talk to me and his feeling were still there I know I thought about him many times he wanted to try again so I do to and we went away and stayed up all night talking and had an amazing time. He text me the next day a few times but it’s been 3days and he always is making an excuse why he can’t hangout. At least I feel like that but still texts me a few times a day always good morning beautiful and in the afternoon just little message but I am so afraid that he will just disappear like he did last time his he really interested or is he just playing a game with me I asked him is there something here between us and he said yes that he missed me so why doesn’t he want to see me.

    1. Thank you for your comment and your question. Knowing very little of your situation, I would be cautious that this man is seeing someone else. Take a step back and start evaluating what he’s telling you and where there are inconsistencies. Its very easy for us to have these serendipitous run ins with past lovers and think its a sign that things are meant to be but that is not always the case. It’s possible you just needed clarity on the situation. I would take a hard honest look at his behavior and ask him if he is seeing someone else and then I would ask him to make plans. If he isn’t willing then he isn’t right for you. You want someone who is over the moon about you, not someone who just gives you crumbs of attention. This is by no means easy advice to take, and trust me, I understand how good it must feel to have him back into your life. I do suggest that you be cautious and put yourself first and don’t settle for less than you deserve.

  46. Hi Miss Solomon! See, I really like a guy, he’s been very kind with me. We text and talk like two or three times a week. He told me I know how to make him feel better and that he glad when he see me (at work). It happens during 6 months, we havent date yet. I would like to go deeply but I dont know how to. He’s always busy, never has told me to date but text me very often.

  47. My husband was always cheating on me and even spends nights out. sometimes he even leave for the entire week end, pretending that he has work, but i know he just go meet women, my life was lame until, i asked robinsonbuckler @ yahoo . com to cast a spell for me. so that my husband can be a good man and after his spell, my husband changed automatically, he now spends much more time with me and the kids and we’re a family again.

  48. Hi..
    There’s this guy I like at work,he’s a labor relations officer and we had I case at work. That’s where I got to meet him. He took my digits and after the case was settled he started calling me and asking about my day and before that I was praying to God that he calls and he did. Now he tells me he’s in a stable relationship but the other woman is far so he gets lonely and he avoids cheating cos he doesnt wanna hurt her. I told him to leave me alone then but he still calls me. Do u think he wants to try or he just wants sex and someone to just fill the void ?

    1. Thank you for reading and for your question. It has been my experience that people love attention. He probably appreciates your attention and you his but the fact is you deserve more than crumbs. If a man wants to be with you he should be with you. He should appreciate you and you should be on the same page. If you aren’t on the same page then he’s not for you. As nice as the interaction is now, it will only lead to more headaches in the future. I hope this is helpful.

  49. Ms. Solomon,

    I wanted your advice on something. I work in a office very close to a restaurant that I go to for lunch once a week, with that being said I have recently met a bartender that I immediately took a interest in. I am pretty observant and can read people well, so I noticed he fancied me as well based on our conversation and body language. Today I ran into him again for the second time as I was having lunch, towards the end of my lunch break he said “maybe when I get off I could stop by again”, I looked at him and smiled and said “maybe I can stop by and get a drink” and winked at him. He then replied ” Please do, i’ll be here.” Do you think I should visit him since he invited me? or would I come across too desperate? I personally don’t think it would come across bad if he technically suggested it? What are your thoughts? Thank you.

    – Casey

    1. Thank you for reading and thanks for the question. It sounds like you should go for it! Two things to keep in mind: you’re on a path and you should trust your intuition. Maybe he’s not the great love of your life but he could be a lot of fun and a great experience. also, if things don’t work out it’s not a value judgement. Don’t approach the situation anticipating that he “choose” you. You are choosing him because he seems to have values and qualities that you admire. Don’t put pressure on yourself or him to be anything serious right away. Take your time and enjoy the courtship. I hope this was helpful.

  50. Hi miss Solomon,

    I just met the guy of my dreams which I’ve been seeing around college since the first few days of September. At the beginning he was very to himself due to tragic flings/relationships with girls who have let him down. But he started talking to me around 2 weeks ago and after two occasions of walking home together he asked for my number and been talking on social media for a week or so, he has changed to being the most outgoing, smiley and lovely guy ever and everything is going perfectly like in a fairytale.
    Last time walking home which was around 2 days ago we stayed in the park till late and talked a lot, we never kissed but it was physical to the point where we were hugging and I was sitting on his lap. And in this past 2 days after this I’ve just opened myself completely to him, told him a lot of details about my personal life and we speak for hours on the phone, is like I’m addicted to him. I told him let’s take a step back and he is a very understanding guy so I’m trying to take a step back but I’m just so scared that the magic goes because of me being so honest and showing him so much. And I’m scared that things mess up and I loose him when he’s just perfect, we compliment each other so well. He’s a very good listener and very romantic and He makes me want to do things which may feel like rushing after and make me worry and regret it. What’s your advice to this scenario?

    Thanks and I loved your article.

    1. Thank you for your comment. What an exciting experience you’re having! My advice is this: you deserve good things to happen to you so enjoy it. Understand that when relationships end it’s not a value you judgement against you or the other person. It sounds like things are going well and you’re doubting yourself a little. You are enough and you deserve good things. I am also a firm believer that you can’t mess up a good relationship by being too honest. You can however become too dependent and make another person’s attention so important that you compromise your boundaries but it doesn’t sound that you’re doing that. I think by being a caring person, which is sounds like you are, and by knowing and believing that you are enough, the relationship should progress just fine. Have confidence in yourself by knowing you are worth a happy and healthy relationship. You deserve to have a wonderful man in your life. I hope this was helpful.

  51. I thought it was a great write up. I actually am one who has always been very shy. So dating has always been very rough for me. But 1 divorce and 2 kids later, I am finding myself back in the dating world. Still shy, so I try to act not shy, and I think I come off as too much. So your article was actually very helpful. Maybe you can give me some advice on something. I was seeing a guy for about a month. It seemed to take of pretty fast, too fast actually. Not so much “physically”, but just spending a lot of time together. He left for vacation, came back, and I didn’t hear from him! I messaged him, but only twice, and nothing more than how was the trip. I am not going to chase or force him to be with me, so I left it alone. about a week later I got a message that pretty much had asked me for patience. He has never been married, and has not kids, so I’m sure my situation is quite overwhelming to him. I’m just not sure what to do. I am willing to be patient. I like him. but we haven’t really talked since. any advice on how to handle this?

    1. Thank you so much for reading and for your comment. It sounds like patience is the key to success in this situation. It might seem that things have shifted suddenly but keep in mind that relationships change constantly. Nothing stays the same and you want to have the ability to go with the flow. If he needs space or time, you have enough going on in your life to give him that. I would reassure him, as often as you can that you’re invested in him, you like him, and there is no rush. I hope this was helpful.

  52. This article was really helpful so thank you! I’ve just been going through a bit of a confusing time. I was hoping you could give me a bit of advice. I’m only 16 but I really like this guy and I’d just love to get to know him better, and I always seem to mess a few things up. I started at a dancing school and met him there, he seemed like an absolutely wonderful person but I don’t know how to approach him? I’m starting the class Feb next year and will hopefully see him more often. This might sound creepy but my friend messaged him randomly and he was so open to her! He said he’d never had a girlfriend and girls don’t normally pay attention to him, which of course lifted my hopes. I just want to know how to approach him and make him interested in me. Thank you for reading this! I’d love your help 🙂

    1. Thank you so much for visiting my page and for your question. My advice is this: be confident in your offering. If you like him, and you want to spend time with him you have to find a way to view your attention as high value. You have to KNOW that you are a prize and that he isn’t “better” than you. He is a person that you value and can give some positive attention to. That’s very gracious of you. Also remember that you should never give to get. If you want to spend time with him, and show him attention that’s great but do it because you want to, not because you want him to “choose” you. He might and he might not, that’s his prerogative, it’s not a value judgment. Remind yourself that whether he likes you romantically or not, you’re still a wonderful and valuable woman. Remember that his feelings are not a judgement against you. Remember that you are in control of your emotions. Choose the right perspective and keep calm then take action. I hope this was helpful.

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