Just because you’re not attracted to someone doesn’t make him a bad guy.
When we think of the wrong types of men I want women to understand that it could be a good man who just isn’t right for you.
Successful dating is all about weeding out who is right for us and who isn’t. So how can you judge what is “right”? Simple: people who give us what we need.
The right man is a man who can fulfill your current dating/ relationship need. It doesn’t have to be profound or in-depth.
Let’s say you don’t have central air in your apartment and the summer is hot as hades. Your current need would be a cool environment; a man with air conditioning is the “right” guy for you.
It may sound superficial but I want to welcome you to the world of dating. In relationships it’s said that singles gravitate to those who can heal our childhood wounds. While this maybe true very often what we want most from our partners are what we are least likely to get.
This is what makes men the wrong men for you or I. There is no point in trying to shop at a store that has everything you want but is closed. The reason you’re attracting the wrong men is because your selections often have the ability to give you what you need just not the will, want, or desire.
Some of these men are just down right incapable of such provisions. Because of this it is a woman’s sole responsibility to choose a man who can give her what she needs, no matter how superficial.
Stop making excuses. When we meet a man who seems to have potential but piss poor follow through, our instincts tell us to excuse him. There has to come a point in your dating life when you accept that people are going to do whatever the hell it is they want to do. Accept men by their actions not their intentions.
Stop dumpster diving. Do you know why addicts are discouraged from dating while fighting an addiction? Because the “feel good” chemicals created in our brains when we are in love or attracted to someone can become just as addictive as any drug or behavior. You need to get your act together and find men who are doing the same. Stop trying to pull men up from the gutters and swallows of life. Let the men you meet get themselves together first, be a friend and not a savior.
Dress appropriately. The concept of dressing for the job you want and not the job you have applies to dating. One of the first criteria men use for finding a partner is if he can take her to work events and functions. Secondly, is if he can take her to family functions. I’m not telling you how to dress; I’m just saying if you want a stay at the Ritz, I wouldn’t pack a sleeping bag.
Say ‘No’ when you feel bad. Many women accept dates because they don’t want to hurt the guys’ feelings, or they feel bad letting a man down. If the only reason you’re saying yes is because you’re worried about how the other person will feel, say no. Even when we commit with our mouths when we don’t commit in our minds or hearts the universe has a way of punishing us for it.
Judge your happiness immediately. Dating should feel good. When you’re dating the wrong guy there is a good chance you’re waiting for the happiness to come and you’re making excuses of when, if, until, and after.
- When he’s finished with school, he’ll have more time for me
- If his baby-mama weren’t so crazy we wouldn’t have any problems
- I’ll put my needs on hold until he gets out of jail
- After his charges are cleared, his divorce, etc. we’ll be happy
Like I said in the beginning, a man doesn’t have to be a bad person to be the wrong person for you. When you find yourself attracted to people who can’t give you want you need, assess the situation honestly.
I know it can seem confusing because in the beginning everything seems to be going smoothly. That is until you place your request, for something as simple as making time for you, and it’s denied.
As difficult as it is to accept, you have needs that must be met by your partner. The wrong man is anyone who denies you of this. Don’t be afraid to say no, even to something or someone who you think you want.