That might sound harsh to some people who see relationships as friendships. When you have a connection with someone it’s hard to imagine living life without them even after the romance is gone. To each their own, I say but I think if you want to have a relationship with your ex, it’s okay. Even for someone who doesn’t have one, I can see the benefits.
They’re hurting as you are or worse. At the time of the breakup I hated my ex’s. Like hate, hated my ex’s. I was hurt, I felt betrayed, and lied to, played you name it. It took time and experience to have sympathy for where they were in their lives and what they must have been going through.
You don’t want to be angry, you don’t want to point the finger and blame another person for your misery. When you can resolve to have a friendship with your ex that forgiveness will help you grow as a person. I thought I could never be friends with my gay ex boyfriend. When he friend requested me on Facebook, I could feel the anger anxiety; sadness and regret rushing back to me. I accepted, thinking I would continue to scowl and frown as I stalked his page.
Even after he sent me a message on my birthday, that I didn’t respond to, I still harbored that feeling of ‘I hate your guts’ and ‘This muthaf*cker’.
Only recently when I decided I wanted to get on a path to greatness did I have an epiphany, he’s in pain. He maybe superficially happy but in our relationship he wasn’t a happy person. He was very tortured and I wasn’t very understanding. Things that our ex’s do that we think are about us aren’t.
When you break up with someone or they break up with you it might seem like the end of the world but it’s just an excuse to add drama to our lives.
I’ve always hesitated about writing about breakups because I don’t know much about relationships but I realized when you’re newly returned to the dating world is when you need advice most of all.
I’m surprised to now believe its okay for people to be friends with their ex’s but only because I believe that you are the champion of your experience. You can’t let what other people do profoundly affect what you do and how you feel.
When you don’t like your ex or maybe you want to get back together and they deny you it’s easy to become overwhelmed with what they seem to be doing to you. You’re doing it to yourself. You’re making the choice to hold onto feelings that are in a word: irrelevant. You will never get your time back, you will never get an apology, and you will never get another moment to make a different decision.
Even if you do get back together with an ex, you will never have the same type of relationship again. The relationship that you had is over and not for the reasons you think. The pain and hurt you may feel is real but it’s not the other person’s fault. You’re ability to move past old feelings are a choice you have to make.
At the end of the day you have to genuinely empathize with the people you date or have dated. You have to accept them, as they are, whether you like them or not. You don’t have a choice. Not if you want to be a whole, happy person.
If you want to be a hot ass emotional wreck, keep doing what you’re doing. Let me know how that works for you.
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