The Dating Truth

“Strangers are friends you have yet to meet”

It isn’t too often that I get a chance to really practice what I preach. I consider myself so Jillian Michaels.

Yes, I used to have trouble dating and I know what it takes to be successful but I don’t feel it necessary to do all the menial tasks a beginner would have to do to support my success.

I did meet a guy however and it got me thinking about how many women this happens to. You meet a guy that you like… what happens next is a combination of faith, luck and extreme discipline.

As exciting as it is, I know all too well how easily you can blow it. There are just so many ways for a woman to fail. Taking the steps from being strangers to dating can be filled with booby traps. So many of us make so many missteps that it’s easier for me to address what not to do than what you probably will do to send this man running.

Now before you get your panties in a bunch I’m not talking about each and every man you date. Some men you just aren’t going to be into. I’m talking about that guy that you just meet, you liked that you think has boyfriend potential. While you’re waiting for him to call you I don’t want you to blow your chances.

I don’t want women to lose the race before it even starts, so here are my tips of what you shouldn’t do immediately after you meet a man that you’re really feeling.

Don’t plan the future. Women have this uncanny ability to imagine a future so clear and distinct that she might even stop seeing a guy who she doesn’t believe will get along with her Nana. Before you start thinking about what he’ll wear when you bring him to Christmas dinner or if you should take his last name or hyphen yours, stop. Take a breath and step away from kleinfeldbridal.com.

I don’t have to remind you, that you just met him but you just met him. Who cares if he’ll get along with your best friend from college, or your great Aunt from Texas, he might not even get along with you. You met a nice guy at the bar or the grocery and he promised to call, that’s awesome. I’m going to ask you nicely not to waste one second of thought on the future.

No us, no we, no our…nothing. Live your life and the minute you find yourself thinking about him or talking about him, stop. You met a man, he has potential, it’s all very exciting but you need to live your life just as you were.

Don’t Google stalk, Facebook or Tweet him So I met this guy and he gave me his business card. After taking a few seconds to actually wrap my brain around why he would even think that I would call him, I put it somewhere away and have not looked at it since. As easy as it would be for me to put my No.1 female detective agency skills to the test I didn’t. Anything you want to know about a man he should tell you.

Of course there are those unique instances when you Google a name and tons of bad sh*t comes up like rape charges and born a female headlines but the chances of your judgment being so bad that you have to know everything about this man before your very first date are slim. If you’re interested in using Facebook just to be sure you remember what he looks like, (been there done that, Patron is my friend) I will give you a pass but if you’re trying to check his profile just to see what girls are in his pictures, shame on you.

Don’t call him. If a man gives you his business card, do not call him. Look at him crazy, side-eye him, laugh at him, grab his phone and add yourself to his contacts but do not call him. Many women make the mistake of just taking the business card, smiling and ending the interaction. You need to give him your number, give him your card in exchange and be clear that you want him to call. Now, some men won’t call they will text, we know this.

If a man texts you and you would prefer that he call, I wouldn’t totally object to you using a straight to voicemail ap. If you aren’t up on this, straight to voicemail is a very convenient phone application that allows you to bypass the ringing and/ or having to talk to this person and just leave a message. I think it’s dating genius.

I use it all the time. If you must call, I need you to be clear of why you’re calling. If he gave you his business card and like a sucker you walked away without allocating your information then you will need to call for him to have your name and number.

I want to be clear, you’re not calling to chat and you surely aren’t calling to ask him out. If you must absolutely call a man it’s only to give him an opportunity for him to ask you out.

Be patient. So I’m always pretty confident that if I give a man my number he will call and you should be too. Just wait. I know it sucks and sometimes men take forever but wait. Be patient. Don’t plot or plan or rush; just wait. If he takes what you would consider an unreasonable length of time to contact you then feel free to move on but once you pitch the ball don’t run to mound and try to swing, wait.

Be flexible. I have a formula for men that I believe truly works when it comes to courting a woman. It involves some strategic texting and a little initiative. If a man wants to see you immediately and you have the time, be flexible. Okay, so he didn’t invite you three days beforehand, give the guy a bit of a break especially if you want to see him. I’m not saying drop all of your plans and race to his house but compromise.

As it’s all suddenly coming back to me the very simple elements to dating that many singles bypass. I want to be sure to tell you not to make the same mistakes. When you meet someone who you really like, it’s crazy great but it’s a feeling that only lasts sometimes until you get to know them. Hold on to it. Don’t try to replace it with love instantly.

It’s like laying down in bed and realizing how tired you are or sitting in front of a hot meal and thinking, “Man I’m hungry.”

Meeting a man who has potential reminds, a lot of women that they haven’t had sex in a really long time and of course all you want to do is see this man again and let him make moves on you. I get it, I do but all in time.

The faster you run the closer you are to the end. Maybe the end of your singleness or the end of your hopes, who knows, just don’t be in a rush to find out.