The Dating Truth

Feeling gratitude and not expressing it is like wrapping a present and not giving it.
William Arthur Ward

“Thank you so much.”

I don’t know the last time you said those words on a date but it could be the reason you’re not still seeing that guy. It may seem trivial but a grateful woman is as sexy as any beautiful woman could ever be.

Trying to compete with looks and bedroom skills may work for some but if you really want to separate yourself from all the other pretty girls this man may have dated, these words could save your love life.

The truth is, nobody likes an ungrateful bitch. I’m typically not that vulgar but it’s a term we’ve all heard many times before. Since the age of Dynasty to Melrose Place the phrase has endeared it’s way into every good cuss out and now thanks to Mob Wives, it’s an expression that doesn’t seem to being going anywhere anytime soon.

It begs the question, ‘Why are women so ungrateful?’

I preach over and over the importance of saying “Thank you.” It costs you no dignity, pride, self-respect, cool points etc, to say “Thanks”, yet many women seem to skip this step.

Although we all learned the importance of manners but its come to my attention that as adults, “Thank you” as a phrase has far transcended it’s original function to one of multiple meanings. Ultimately when you acknowledge that someone has done something nice for you, saying “Thank you” is a way to show appreciation and gratitude.

In today’s day and age of dating and ultra-blurred gender roles, it’s getting more difficult to decide what actions are nice, required or done with a hidden agenda.

In my assumption, and I could be totally wrong (I doubt it) women don’t say “Thank you” as often as men would like or maybe as they should it’s because it’s getting harder and harder to distinguish these benevolent gestures.

When should you say “Thanks”? When a man pays for a meal or drinks? When a man opens the car door? When a man pulls your chair out for you? When a man walks you to your car? I could go on, the point being, women are right to expect these kinds of behaviors from a gentleman. If you were raised with any kind of sensibility these acts of kindness are par for the dating course.

Yet, think of when we learned these lessons in our childhood.

If you were taught as I was, adults said “Thank you,” to you for doing all the right things, not going above and beyond. I was thanked as a child for cleaning up my mess, being kind to others, sharing, being quiet and well-behaved. I don’t know what kind of kiss ass overachiever you were but I wasn’t doing anything much differently than any other kid. Still, my proper, expected behavior didn’t go unnoticed.

As I date as an adult, I realize that good deeds even when they’re what you should do, it didn’t go unnoticed then and they shouldn’t now. It truly makes a man feel very good about himself, not just to hear the words but when a woman wholeheartedly means them. Anyone shown appreciation and gratitude finds it satisfying and it makes you want to do even more.

My solution to this is simply: say “Thank you,” to everyone or everything. Often and emphatically. I think saying it feels as good as hearing it. But just like saying, “I’m sorry,” when you know that you should, that’s when it’s the hardest.

If you take it upon yourself to simply say “Thanks” all the time for everything, you’ll find it easier to say it to a man who hasn’t done anything more than what you required of him.

Not being grateful is as abundant as being negative. Negative people are the last to admit it but there are a lot of negative Nancys out there. The world is full of men and women who put down everything and everybody. People who are so content with being miserable that it seems being unhappy is the only thing that makes them happy.

You don’t want to be the kind of woman whose ego is so big that being appreciative of even the tiniest action is a chore. You don’t want to be the kind of woman who can’t express her appreciation. You definitely don’t want to be the kind of women who let’s a man’s effort go unnoticed.

So why am I telling women to be grateful and not men? Isn’t that a million dollar question? Because I see women rushing to buy books and read articles written by men for women who give them answers but not solutions. The want and the desire for the knowledge is there. Women aren’t sitting around blaming men for being assholes some women are trying to make a change.

Unfortunately, what I can tell you in the time it takes you to read this post might actually be helpful, so obviously it’s not going to make me rich. Therefore it isn’t going to make any relationship expert rich either. There is no money in the cure. But as a woman I hate to see you suffer.

Believe me, I go on a lot of dates and I guarantee the reason I’m asked out again and again is because I’m grateful. I don’t have enough sex to think otherwise. There are millions of pretty, intelligent women in the world. When you want that 5% of the male population that every other woman wants, you have to do whatever you can to set yourself apart.

I’m trying to let you know it’s a whole lot easier than you think.