Why Thinking That You Can Do Better Is Keeping You Single

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“Some people are settling down, some people are settling and some people refuse to settle for anything less than butterflies.” – Sex in the City

I love being single but I don’t want to be single.

Anyone who has thought this knows the truth but just hasn’t been able to say it out loud. If I’m the first to say this or if I get heat for being honest, that’s okay. I don’t want to be single but I’d rather be single than be with a loser.

I want to be with someone who is exactly what I’ve said I always wanted. I want to be with a man who is hot and smart and rich. I want to be with a man whose money body makes me want to rip his clothes off. I don’t want to be with a man who can’t spell ditto.

There are so many things in a man that I don’t want that it’s easier to choose to be single than to choose to be with someone who has a laundry lists of don’ts and only a post-it worth of do’s.

This is the troublesome situation many single people find themselves in. Yes, there are very nice options around. Smart, interesting, kind people who, if they had one more quality, you would totally date. But they don’t. So you’re single.

Why are these qualities so important? When it comes to our checklist of core needs, being absolutely gorgeous doesn’t make the cut, I get that. The reason I believe these seemingly trivial characteristics are so crucial is because we believe that what we want is out there. Worst, we fear that if we settle for less we will know that we’ve settled. We will have to forever live knowing that we accepted someone who wasn’t everything we always wanted. The horror. The shame.

It wouldn’t be so bad if someone would have told you as a child that the person of your dreams would come close to what you want but never have it all. Many of us could sleep better and date more. No one ever told me this. The fantasy of a ‘Prince Charming’ still haunts me.

As adults we’re left to figure out for ourselves that our ‘perfect love’ is shorter than we expected or poorer. We must accept that the ‘love of our life’ is divorced with three kids and pays child support. Then comes to most difficult task of all, deciding if it matters more than love.

This is why you’re single because right now, it does. It might not always be so essential. One day, you might get to the point where love trumps all the do’s and don’ts, the must-haves and have-nots.

I’m not going to say that its wrong or that I feel guilty. Sure, there are probably men cursing my name because I didn’t settle down with them or have their baby or become their wife but let’s face facts, they weren’t good enough for me. At least I didn’t think so at the time and as judgmental and evil as that sounds, it’s the truth.

I know that I’m meant to be in a great relationship, with someone that makes me happy. Many single people subscribe to a similar belief which is why they continue to hold out for the person of their dreams.

So are you single because you want to be single, no. Are you single because you enjoy being single (you masochist) hell, no. You’re probably single because on your last date you asked yourself, “Is this the best that I can do?”

And the answer was, no.

Thoughts?

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Miss Solomon

Founder at The Dating Truth
Dating and relationship expert. Lover of people. Relationship Coach and part-time stylist. Miss Solomon has a passion for writing about love, creating love strategies and mastering self- love.