5 Dumb Mistakes Smart Women Make with Men

“Girls have an unfair advantage over men: if they can’t get what they want by being smart, they can get it by being dumb.”- Yul Brynner

Are you too smart for your own good?

It has never been scientifically proven that men prefer beauty over brains. What we do know is that even the smartest women do some dumb things when it comes to love.

There’s the story of the doctor who tried to climb down her ex-boyfriends chimney and died or the astronaut who drove cross-country in a diaper to confront her lover’s girlfriend. (In a diaper no less)

Being intelligent is definitely a quality to be proud of but it’s only useful in dating  when applied correctly.

I came across the article, ‘Six Disadvantages of Being Smart’ on the blog practicalpickup.com where the author talks about how some intelligent men get in their own way when it comes to dating.

Women, I feel, do the same thing.

Men don’t really like smart women, let me explain. No man goes out to a bar, to a nightclub, to a strip club for that matter to meet an intelligent woman. He isn’t searching for  laundry list of degrees or accolades. If a man starts flirting with you in line at Starbucks, it isn’t because you look “intelligent”. 

In dating it’s more important that you’re friendly, kind, funny, attentive and genuine than a Rhodes scholar.

Being intelligent when it comes to men isn’t the about your comprehensive knowledge of nuclear physics or finance; it’s about a complete understanding of one subject, him. If you’re smart about men, you’ll realize that there are better ways to display your intelligence than what I see some doing in the dating world today.

If you’re an intelligent woman and you have the documents to prove it, good for you but being smart about men isn’t the same as being book smart.

The mistake some “smart” women make is letting their book smarts get in the way of their social intelligence.

Intelligence can never take the place of charm. What every smart person should know is being charismatic is just as important as being intelligent. So I find that some intelligent women make the following mistakes when it comes to attracting and interacting with men.

Thinking you shouldn’t be beautiful.

The stigma in western culture is that beauty and brains don’t go together. Just because a lot of so-called beautiful women act dumb in pop culture doesn’t mean being smart means being ugly. Caring about what you look like isn’t the ultimate betrayal of feminism or an insult to female intelligence.

Feeling beautiful is an essential part of being a woman.

Any desire to want to inspire and appreciate beauty should be embraced not judged or demeaned. Intelligent women can sometimes minimize the importance of beauty but at the end of the day do you want a man who isn’t attracted to all of you?

Don’t make the mistake of making your looks trivial or secondary. Be the complete package.

Thinking you have to prove your point.

A big mistake so-called “intelligent” women make is constantly feeling the need to prove their point. Successful flirting is largely based on how you make a man feel. If you’re hammering your point home and drilling it into your date that you’re right and he’s wrong instead of seeming smart you’ll seem mean.

If your date makes a statement that you disagree with or you know for a fact isn’t true don’t make it a big deal. You’re smart enough to know that you don’t need to see him again if he isn’t a fit. When you are asked to share your opinion the abridged version, not the dissertation you wrote on the subject, keep in mind being right doesn’t make you smarter. You may come across as smart but you won’t come across as fun.

Don’t make the mistake of getting into heated debates or having to be right with a man you don’t know that well. He probably isn’t worth the energy and you’ll come across like the bully.

Thinking your resume matters. 

I didn’t go to college. When I know something I don’t attribute it to the political science class I had freshman year or the environmental studies course I took in Italy while studying abroad. Women who are constantly reminding you, (or whoever will listen) of what degrees they have from what university don’t impress men.

Here’s a newsflash: men are easily impressed.

They’re yet to figure out that women are allowed into college. Men are more impressed by your ability to walk and chew gum at the same time. A man is impressed that you’re talking to him. What you do, who you know, and where you graduated from only impress men who are looking to use your credentials to make themselves seem important.

Leading with credentials are a quick way to come across as boring or self-important.

Don’t make the mistake of using your resume as an ego booster.

Thinking more is less.

It’s a natural assumption that women talk alot. Smart women seem to talk exponentially more than that. When you meet a man you want him to want to get to know more about you. This is not interview time. If a topic arises that you know a lot about don’t share everything you know.

Give a quick preview, a sound bite, a hint of what you know.

If this man wants to know more, he’ll have to take you on a date or call you on the phone. He’ll have to know more about you before you go spilling the intellectual goods. Listening is far more attractive than talking and the most intelligent women know this.

Don’t make the mistake of being longwinded. Saying less can lead to dating more.

Thinking that smarter means better.

If you want to make a woman who is a six look like an eleven talk about her in front of a man.

Putting another women down who seems less intelligent than you really only makes you look like the dumb one. It’s negative, it’s un-ladylike, it’s pretentious and it’s judgmental.

It doesn’t matter if you come across a woman who doesn’t have two brain cells to rub together, talking about it makes you seem intimidated by her.

Praise other women. Find something good to say even when the man is bating you to say something catty. Don’t play, that game.

Don’t make the mistake of judging other women based on what you think you know. – You’re too smart for that.

I hope this was helpful.

miss solomon

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  23 comments for “5 Dumb Mistakes Smart Women Make with Men

  1. Iva Ghauri
    July 7, 2011 at 6:41 AM

    The correct spelling of the last name of the rather famous man to whom you attributed the saying “Girls have an unfair advantage over men: if they can’t get what they want by being smart, they can get it by being dumb” is B-r-y-n-n-e-r, not B-r-e-n-n-e-r.

    “Men are more impressed by strippers who can make it clap.” Make what clap?

    Men may feel good around women who make them feel superior, but intelligent women reading advice columns find that good grammar and spelling usually enhance the credibility of the advice-giver.

    • July 7, 2011 at 10:03 AM

      Thanks for the correction, and the comment. I appreciate when women who seek advice pay enough attention to the post to notice minor and major mistakes. The only credibility I can gain is if the advice works. If it isn’t helpful perfect grammar would still make it pointless.

  2. intelligent woman
    August 15, 2011 at 5:02 PM

    I’m a very intelligent woman – an academic with a top creative career behind me. I love other women and I would NEVER attempt to make one of them feel or look stupid – unless they had just stolen my granny etc. Also, I have great social skills, lots of friends of a good range of professions and life experiences. My best friend is a stay at home mum and I love the take on life she can give me. Please do not presume that all intelligent women are unpleasant or out to put others down. My intellect is a well developed muscle I am blessed with, and as an excellent educator I also have to read people and nurture them. Which I do very successfully.

    My friend has developed a certain set of skills to become a great fullt-time mother, we are both good at what we do, so do my choices make you presume I am rude, arroant and have no social skills?

    P.s. I am also beautiful – well, the last bloke I went on a date with told me how elegant I am, anyhow, and I have done a fair bit of modelling. I take great pride in my appearance, as do the other female academics I work with. Where do you get this kind of ill-informed copy? BTW don’t journalists have to have some kind of brain/smarts/ intelligence these days, are you describing yourself here?

    • August 15, 2011 at 6:46 PM

      Typically anyone who is unsuccessful at dating is getting in their own way in some form or another. I have seen women and men make numerous mistakes in dating, of course everyone is different, when women find themselves unable to connect with the men they meet, it could be for the reasons that I mentioned. If not, then you are way ahead of the curve but I think, if it could affect one woman, its worth writing about. I’ve seen women make these mistakes so I know it affects more than one. Hopefully this article helped some of them.

  3. intelligent woman
    August 16, 2011 at 4:42 AM

    Miss Solomon,

    If you are refering to one particular rude, arrogant and socially remedial ‘intelligent woman’, it may help if you say that in your article. Generalising about women with brains doesn’t help anyone.

    Also, your response is pretty articulate and well though out. How do you justify the dreadful things you acredit to capable women in your article, when you yourself are one of them?

    I find it quote ironic that you tell us to stop putting other women down, when your entire article is about telling women such as me (and yourself – is it a lack of confidence that stopsyou making this connection?) how unpleasant we are.

    I do internet dating, and why my profile says I have a PhD, my responses drop from 8 per day to 2. Just this one single factor has that effect. This cannot be because I have been egotistical or rude or boring. My profile is otherwise just the same. I think you need to re-think your approach on this. Perhaps intelligent women are ‘rude’ to you because you are rude to them.

  4. intelligent woman
    August 16, 2011 at 5:55 AM

    Guess what: Intellgent women are just like everybody else. Some of us are nice, some are not. The issue here is not intelligence, it is personality and kindness – perhaps insecurities and anger issues that need clearing up. And anyone can have those, top draw degree or not. I know just as many women without degrees who are manipulative, aggressive and unpleasant, as i do those with.

    In fact those who are not qualified can sometimes be very bitter towards those women who are – something I have experienced frequently first hand. Is this the case with you Miss Solomon? You mention in your article that you don’t have a degree, so education is clearly important to you. You really shouldn’t worry about that, you are clearly a very clever woman with or without the piece of paper, and are doing better than many graduates.

    I find my biggest barrier is what men (and women it now seems) presume about me because I have a PhD. I am human, just like everybody else.

    • August 17, 2011 at 12:46 PM

      You’ve made some very great points, most importantly human behavior is alot about generalizations. We are all individual people but our habits and commonalities are what allow people like me to make observations then suggestions (assumptive or not). What you mentioned about men who make presumptions on who you are based on your degree is exactly what I’m eluding to. While you may not be guilty of the behaviors that I mentioned in the article, men have complained of the women who do act this way. This is partly why they make the assumptions in the first place, the bad experiences that they’ve had in the past with what they consider to be “educated” women. If one woman acts the way that I wrote about, which they do because I have seen it first hand, it can have an affect on how other women are judged by men and that’s just not fair. My suggestion is to focus on the areas that do apply to you. Enhance what you do right and eliminate what you do wrong. I just read that online profile pictures with women in glasses attract a different quality of men than those who wear contacts. Only to give an example of the assumptions that everyone makes when dating. Thanks for the comments and for reading!

  5. intelligent woman
    September 5, 2011 at 8:56 AM

    I’m still not clear about what you think I should do about men making assumptions about me when online dating because of my degree. You say I should enhance what I do right – which doesn’t seem to be much when I pretend I don’t have a PhD? And eliminate what I do wrong – which in the online dating context seems to be, having a PhD. I’m afraid I cannot eliminate that, it is far too late. Besides I enjoy my research far too much to want to. Are you suggesting I leave it off my profile, isn’t that like lying – giving a false impression of myself? Plus, as I do that, I fear that men will run when they find out, on our first few meetings – especially as they will realise I have been not been entirely honest. Not sure what you mean by the glasses thing either, how does that relate to what I am saying, and what do mean by ‘different’ quality – do you mean better or worse?

    I try not to generalise about people and make assumptions. I have met some very arrogant academic men, but it doesn’t make me avoid them all together. I think perhaps your article could be about the dangers of making assumptions during online dating, instead of your take on how dreadful educated women are.

    I have met some extremely unpleasant men and women who are not educated, that doesn’t put me off them as group either.

  6. intelligent woman
    September 5, 2011 at 9:01 AM

    Sorry, I meant to say that when I pretend not to have a PhD their doesn’t seem to much ‘wrong’ with my profile – I consider the number of responses I get in that case to be a success. So what should I eliminate, do you mean I should pretend not to have a PhD? Sorry about he poor writing – if it is not clear – am in a hurry!

  7. intelligent woman
    September 5, 2011 at 9:11 AM

    P.S. I am asking you about responses to my online profile which increase dramatically – by 300% – when I mis-inform people about my qualifications – and make that change only. What ‘areas’ do you think ‘apply’ to me, as you say, and are you deducing that they do because of my response to your article? I prefer it when people are direct and to the point about such matters, I find it averts confusion. Vague implications are never very useful when trying to make improvements. I’m already stung by the unfair (your words), anti-intelligent women tone of your article, so don’t worry about stinging further.

    • September 12, 2011 at 7:03 PM

      I’m not familiar enough with online dating profiles to direct you in what to do about your PH.D. I will say that I have met several men and their biggest complaint about women, especially intelligent women, is that they aren’t fun. Now whether you like to generalize or not, men do. It is unfair but its a common practice with men to avoid any behavior they have seen before that they didn’t like. If a man had a bad or unfavorable experience with a woman with a Ph.D he might be skeptical of all women with Ph.ds. Of course this does not mean all men. But the truth is, if the man you are interested in feels this way, it will affect the way he relates you to. The most important element in dating, is making people feel good. I don’t want to blame you for mens reactions to your degree because I don’t know you or the men you are dating but I do know this: we date people who make us feel good about ourselves and who we enjoy spending time with. If a man avoids you because you post on your profile that you have a Ph.D who cares, you don’t need him. But once a man agrees to go out with you, both of you should have a good time. There is no excuse, substitution for not having a good time. No man on earth will stop dating a woman he has fun with because she has an advanced degree. No man would stop seeing a woman he was physically attracted to and had sexual chemistry with because of an advanced degree, those things just don’t happen. What I suggest is to ignore the degree. While it is important to you and you are proud of it, concealing it doesn’t mean you’re being less of yourself, it doesn’t define you. Earning a Phd I’m sure hasn’t made you a funnier, more attractive, more interesting, kinder, more considerate person has it? Any resentment that you harbor about men rejecting you because of it may make the Ph.D more important than it has to be. On a first to third date, we should express who we are as people outside of labels. You might mention you have a Ph.D fine but talk about what you loved about research and your field. Talk about your passions and having a Ph.D can’t be your passion it just can’t and honestly it isn’t the only reason men may not be replying to your profile though it plays a part. The bottom line is, if you meet a man that you really like, show him your best self, be exciting, interesting, funny passionate and positive. Don’t ever think that he won’t accept all of you, who you are what you’ve earned etc. I can only be so specific because I don’t know you or your exact dating dilemma but I do know that every person that you date expects to feel good about themselves, have fun and share chemistry with you. Those should be your only goals in dating until you know someone a little better, start there then introduce your Ph.d. It’s okay to say that you have one but also add, I am proud of my degree but I have many passions, interests and other qualities I’m proud of as well. Hope this was helpful. Thank you for reading!

  8. Felix
    February 27, 2012 at 6:46 PM

    I am a man, and why the hell would I not love to meet intelligent interesting women? These advices are ridiculous, stay true to yourself women! No person is more interesting and loveable than a person who really knows and loves him/herself. Dumbing yourself down is simply retarded. Let’s face it, if you consider these tips as a woman you very likely don’t possess mental capabilities that would classify you as intelligent.

  9. Adam
    May 26, 2012 at 12:20 PM

    WTF kind of bullshit is this…I have yet to meet an intelligent woman in my life EVER. Know why? because you intelligent women either hide, or dumb it down and wind up with loser men who can’t formulate 2 sentences. Dumbing yourselves down is a degredation to yourselves, and if you can’t see that, you shouldn’t be dating altogether. I would love to meet an intelligent woman for once in my life, seeing as how I’m quite intelligent myself. Do you honestly think us smart men want dumb women? who are only good for a single evening and that’s it?? NO, some of us are tired of that nonsense. Now go put on some high heels, a sexy outfit, don’t dumb yourselve’s down, and go outside so I can maybe meet some of you.

  10. Jamie
    June 13, 2012 at 1:34 AM

    Great article. I’m glad you’ve mustered up the courage to write what men really do think.

    “Intelligent Woman” – I love how the majority of the shit you have written is credential dropping. I doubt any man would want to date you. And if you dating a man… my condolences to him.

    To Felix (you fcking fag),

    the author has never encouraged anyone to dumb themselves… but rather be wary of the traits or behaviour men dislike about “intelligent women”

  11. Jhan6120
    June 18, 2012 at 3:12 PM

    Notice how all the women came in on this conversation and complained about ‘generalizing’? This exemplifies the basic female inability to take criticism. If I were to give examples of how much women generalize about men, it would take 5000 pages. So spare me. Buck up and take the criticisms and learn from them.

    The basic gist is, if you’re smart, GREAT. Smart people are awesome, and they’re needed. Just don’t be a SMART ASS. Someone who ALWAYS has to be right. Someone who CANNOT admit when they’re wrong. Someone who mistakes bitchiness for ‘assertivenes.’

    As far as degrees and career and what have you, most men (real men, that is), don’t care where or if a woman went to college or what kind of career she has. Nature didn’t design men that way. We’re not looking for someone to provide for us or protect us. And guess what: clever conversations are NOT enough to keep a relationship going.

    I’d rather go out with someone who is nice but only graduated from high school and has never been more than 20 miles from her hometown . . . than jerk with a degree and a so-called ‘career’ (men call them JOBS, btw). Same goes for the reverse. As a man – I DON’T CARE how book-smart a woman is. If she IS booksmart, cool. The most important thing is common sense and ability to get along with people.

    Christ, how snobby has everyone become?

  12. Philip
    August 11, 2012 at 12:31 PM

    As a guy, I loved the article!

    Someone didn’t understand what “make it clap” was. I did, LOL!

  13. Cate
    August 25, 2012 at 4:44 PM

    The real problem both men and women have in dating is looking for the wrong type of person. If the kind of men you look for do not appreciate your mind, the problem is you, not them.

    Stay true to yourself and do what makes you comfortable. People respond to that. And to the man who says “I’ve never met an intelligent woman”, smart women will steer clear of a man looking for a one night stand. (Which I’m sure you think you’re subtle and smooth about, but it’s probably so painfully obvious that smart women flee at the sight of you).

    What men don’t like is when a woman makes them feel like they’re not needed. This is what they mean by feeling emasculated. Because so many women play stupid, many men are truly surprised when a smart woman can do things for herself. It’s not just book smarts either, but being self sufficient. Fixing a tire, working on your car, knowing how to use tools or even taking out the garbage yourself. Men confuse being feminine with being stupid, because from what they can see, you are useless without their help. If you just prove from the beginning that you don’t, he’ll get used to it quickly.

  14. October 27, 2012 at 6:29 AM

    Definitely consider that which you said. Your favourite reason appeared to be at the internet the easiest thing to have in mind of.
    I say to you, I certainly get annoyed while other people think about worries that they plainly don’t understand about. You controlled to hit the nail upon the highest and outlined out the whole thing with no need side effect , other folks could take a signal. Will likely be again to get more. Thanks

  15. Educated Female
    December 8, 2012 at 5:28 PM


    I would like to say that I am the target demographic of the article. I went to graduate school on a full-scholarship and received my Masters degree in Economics. I only write this to show that my “credentials” qualify to have the capacity to identify with what you wrote.

    A large majority of the thread has complained about this. If someone in this thread made any blanketed statement towards any larger specific group (for example, on the basis of gender, race, ethnicity, or religion) many people would be outraged for lack of political correctness, yet you seemed to find a sub-group small enough that these blanketed statements have slipped by more easily.

    You cite that you never attended college. Well, if you did take a basic logic class, you would have found that one counterexample is sufficient to nullify your basic premise. I am that counterexample. I was popular in a sorority. I had tons of friends. I was offered modeling jobs. I have also had many awards in managing people. People who meet me often comment on my friendliness. I am well-versed with the stereotype of the educated woman; I fit very few, if any, of your aforementioned ones.

    There is this idea that you have to ask someone who has experience with something to glean the most useful information. For example, would you ask a broke person how to become rich? Probably not, I really hope not… if riches are your goal. They might be a really great source on how to become broke, though, or what not to do. Along this same reasoning, if I wanted to find out how to be happily married, I would ask someone who is actually in this situation. You are writing about what an highly-educated woman should do to attract a smart man. Yet except for your gender, you do not seem qualified to give an opinion that is really worth much weight. I would seriously question an article in which so many of your target demographic has issues.

    This article is rife with this. Let me quote exactly what you wrote, “…how to shut the f*ck up…” Wow, that is some really strong language. I guess between that and the “make it clap” comment, I have to question your lack of professionalism.

    College attendance is personal issue. For some people finishing college is not necessary. Steve Jobs and Mark Zuckerberg are the “poster boys” of this. I am not here to judge anyone’s decision on why they did/ did not go to college. However, I will say this, you state that you can make a girl that is a 6 and ll by putting her down. So why are you essentially guilty of the core of your own argument? If you are truly proud of your decision to not go to college, why do you feel the need to talk with such open condescension to others who did?

    This is absolutely the worst advice of the whole piece. It is one thing to improve yourself on clear personality issues. For example, impatience, being rude, impoliteness etc… However, no one should purposefully hide something like college attendance to try to get a date. If a guy is threatened by this, he is not the guy for you. I have men who have relentlessly pursued me, because they were looking for their equal. Not some lightheaded gal who immediately identifies with stripper trick references. I find this article a better guide on how to get a one-night stand rather than a relationship.

    To the couple of guys who wrote about wanting to find a smart girl. Bravo to you for speaking out! You are exactly the kinda men that make me “weak in the knees.” To the author, I would seriously consider revising your article especially, because it seems to be alienating so many of your readers.

    Best of luck to all!
    An Educated Woman :)

  16. Nicola quilter
    July 7, 2014 at 5:41 PM

    I can relate to this article.
    From being an intelligent business owner at a young age, doing the dating leg work….. I can understand your point , and agree with you on many levels.

    Nice piece of writing

    Thank you

  17. -----------
    August 3, 2014 at 8:40 AM

    HA! Thanks for the laugh provided by this joke of an “article.” Never, EVER dumb yourself down for anyone. Anyone who requires that of you is an insecure loser, regardless of gender.

  18. Nina
    September 12, 2014 at 12:59 PM

    We all know there are always exceptions. I don’t think that when Miss Solomon writes an entry she is thinking about the 100% of women that do exist in the planet, so of course as any other thing we could say about women or men there will be always an exception… But is also true that there are some things that we can see clearly happening, in this case for example that many women think intelligence is only related to school degrees, specialized knowledge about anything when in fact there is also ‘emotional intelligence’ and this is the main kind of intelligence that is needed if we want to create a relationship with people obviously men included.
    So again, yes it’s true there are exceptions but that doesn’t mean that what Miss Solomon isn’t true, it’s something really happening and it’s always very helpful to have someone who can give us so much food for thought like this in order to change and improve, getting rid of our mistakes.
    As for myself I want to thank Miss Solomon for this super helpful Blog !

  19. December 9, 2014 at 8:05 PM

    Thank you for your comment. I believe what some women forget, depending on their circle of friends, is that there are single women who without meaning think negatively about beauty and women who wear makeup. They make a negative association with beauty and assume that the more attractive a woman the less intelligent. They also downplay their own beauty so as to somehow transcend conventional standards. I know this to be true because I’ve seen it with my own eyes. As someone who has witnessed the behavior of highly intelligent women I know for a fact that these mistakes are made often. I have been witness to intelligent women disrespectfully speaking about other women who are wearing makeup. I called these mistakes dumb in a tongue and cheek way, what’s more appropriate is to call these behaviors a turn off to men.

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