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5 Dumb Mistakes Smart Women Make with Men

“Girls have an unfair advantage over men: if they can’t get what they want by being smart, they can get it by being dumb.”- Yul Brynner

Are you too smart for your own good?

It has never been scientifically proven that men prefer beauty over brains. What we do know is that even the smartest women do some dumb things when it comes to love.

There’s the story of the doctor who tried to climb down her ex-boyfriends chimney and died or the astronaut who drove cross-country in a diaper to confront her lover’s girlfriend. (In a diaper no less)

Being intelligent is a quality you should be proud of but it’s only useful in dating when applied correctly.

I came across the article, ‘Six Disadvantages of Being Smart’ on the blog practicalpickup.com where the author talks about how some intelligent men get in their own way when it comes to dating.

Women, I feel, do the same thing.

Men don’t really like smart women, let me explain. No man goes out to a bar, to a nightclub, to a strip club for that matter to meet an intelligent woman. He isn’t searching for  laundry list of degrees or accolades. If a man starts flirting with you in line at Starbucks, it isn’t because you look “intelligent”. 

In dating it’s more important that you’re friendly, kind, funny, attentive and genuine than a Rhodes scholar.

Being intelligent when it comes to men isn’t the about your comprehensive knowledge of nuclear physics or finance; it’s about a complete understanding of one subject, him. If you’re smart about men, you’ll realize that there are better ways to display your intelligence than what I see some women doing in the dating world today.

If you’re an intelligent woman and you have the documents to prove it, good for you but being smart about men isn’t the same as being book smart.

The mistake some “smart” women make is letting their book smarts get in the way of their social intelligence.

Intelligence can never take the place of charm. What every smart person should know is being charismatic is just as important as being intelligent. So I find that some intelligent women make the following mistakes when it comes to attracting and interacting with men.

THINKING YOU SHOULDN’T BE BEAUTIFUL 

There is a stigma in western culture that beauty and brains don’t mix. Just because a lot of so-called beautiful women act dumb in pop culture doesn’t mean being smart equals being ugly but society often promotes that association. Caring about what you look like isn’t the ultimate betrayal of feminism or an insult to female intelligence.

Feeling beautiful is an essential part of being a woman yet some very intelligent women ignore their looks almost as an allegiance to their intelligence.

Any desire to want to inspire and appreciate beauty should be embraced not judged or demeaned. Intelligent women can sometimes minimize the importance of beauty by neglecting their own looks or putting down the looks of other women.

At the end of the day do you want a man who isn’t attracted to all of you?

Don’t make the mistake of making your looks trivial or secondary just because you have an exceptional mind. Be the complete package.

Thinking you have to prove your point.

A big mistake so-called “intelligent” women make is constantly feeling the need to prove their point. Successful flirting is largely based on how you make a man feel. If you’re hammering your point home and drilling it into your date that you’re right and he’s wrong instead of seeming smart you’ll seem mean.

If your date makes a statement that you disagree with or you know for a fact isn’t true don’t make it a big deal. You’re smart enough to know that you don’t need to see him again if he isn’t a fit. When you are asked to share your opinion the abridged version, not the dissertation you wrote on the subject, keep in mind being right doesn’t make you smarter. You may come across as smart but you won’t come across as fun.

Don’t make the mistake of getting into heated debates or having to be right with a man you don’t know that well. He probably isn’t worth the energy and you’ll come across like the bully.

THINKING THEY ARE THEIR RESUME

I didn’t go to college. When I know something I don’t attribute it to the political science class I had freshman year or the environmental studies course I took in Italy while studying abroad. Your job is not who you are. Your resume is not your identity. What you’ve accomplished in life is no indication that you would make a great partner. In dating, the women who are constantly reminding men, (or whoever will listen) of what degrees they earned, from what university, don’t impress men.

Here’s a newsflash: men are easily impressed. Some are yet to figure out that women are allowed into college. Men are more impressed by your ability to walk and chew gum at the same time. The bar is set low for impressing a man because they aren’t attracted to women who only impress them but also intrigue them.

A man is impressed that you’re talking to him. While these are extreme examples the point is that in dating men are happy when women are showing them attention. What you do, who you know, and where you graduated from only impress men who are looking to use your credentials to make themselves seem important.

Leading with credentials are a quick way to come across as boring or self-important. Don’t make the mistake of using your resume as an ego booster for a man. It is a part of you but it isn’t all of you.

THINKING MORE IS LESS

It’s a natural assumption that women talk alot. Smart women seem to talk exponentially more than that. When you meet a man you want him to want to get to know more about you. This is not interview time. If a topic arises that you know a lot about don’t share everything you know.

Give a quick preview, a sound bite, a hint of what you know.

If this man wants to know more, he’ll have to take you on a date or call you on the phone. He’ll have to know more about you before you go spilling the intellectual goods. Listening is far more attractive than talking and the most intelligent women know this.

Don’t make the mistake of being longwinded. Saying less can lead to dating more.

THINKING SMARTER MEANS BETTER

If you want to make a woman who is a six look like an eleven talk about her in front of a man.

Putting another women down who seems less intelligent than you really only makes you look like the dumb one. It’s negative, it’s un-ladylike, it’s pretentious and it’s judgmental.

It doesn’t matter if you come across a woman who doesn’t have two brain cells to rub together, talking about it makes you seem intimidated by her.

Praise other women. Find something good to say even when the man is bating you to say something catty. Don’t play, that game.

Don’t make the mistake of judging other women based on what you think you know. – You’re too smart for that. I hope this was helpful.

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65 Comments

  • The correct spelling of the last name of the rather famous man to whom you attributed the saying “Girls have an unfair advantage over men: if they can’t get what they want by being smart, they can get it by being dumb” is B-r-y-n-n-e-r, not B-r-e-n-n-e-r.

    “Men are more impressed by strippers who can make it clap.” Make what clap?

    Men may feel good around women who make them feel superior, but intelligent women reading advice columns find that good grammar and spelling usually enhance the credibility of the advice-giver.

    • Thanks for the correction, and the comment. I appreciate when women who seek advice pay enough attention to the post to notice minor and major mistakes. The only credibility I can gain is if the advice works. If it isn’t helpful perfect grammar would still make it pointless.

      • But some things remain pointless and laughable regardless of the grammar. Every point made in this article doesn’t point to a woman’s intelligence, but to man’s lack of intelligence in determining what is important to his life and what qualities a woman should bring to a relationship. I for one will not dumb down in my quest for love. I could never find happiness in a relationship that didn’t celebrate each other’s commitment to learning about the world around us.

        • Thank you for your comment and I appreciate your honesty. I believe that it’s not what you say but how you say it. There is never a reason to dumb down for anyone but maybe you don’t need to force feed everything you are to everyone you meet from the minute you meet them. That’s the sentiment of the post. Let men find out about you in increments that they are worthy. The minute you meet someone it should be about you and not your resume. That is the point.

  • I’m a very intelligent woman – an academic with a top creative career behind me. I love other women and I would NEVER attempt to make one of them feel or look stupid – unless they had just stolen my granny etc. Also, I have great social skills, lots of friends of a good range of professions and life experiences. My best friend is a stay at home mum and I love the take on life she can give me. Please do not presume that all intelligent women are unpleasant or out to put others down. My intellect is a well developed muscle I am blessed with, and as an excellent educator I also have to read people and nurture them. Which I do very successfully.

    My friend has developed a certain set of skills to become a great fullt-time mother, we are both good at what we do, so do my choices make you presume I am rude, arroant and have no social skills?

    P.s. I am also beautiful – well, the last bloke I went on a date with told me how elegant I am, anyhow, and I have done a fair bit of modelling. I take great pride in my appearance, as do the other female academics I work with. Where do you get this kind of ill-informed copy? BTW don’t journalists have to have some kind of brain/smarts/ intelligence these days, are you describing yourself here?

    • Typically anyone who is unsuccessful at dating is getting in their own way in some form or another. I have seen women and men make numerous mistakes in dating, of course everyone is different, when women find themselves unable to connect with the men they meet, it could be for the reasons that I mentioned. If not, then you are way ahead of the curve but I think, if it could affect one woman, its worth writing about. I’ve seen women make these mistakes so I know it affects more than one. Hopefully this article helped some of them.

    • Like really???! what was your comment about, it literally read like an essay of you trying to prove or show off how great you think are. What you wrote actually implies you’re not as intelligent as you perceive yourself to be. You seem to be exactly the kind of women the writer is talking about about it’s so ironic that you don’t realise it. You made a lot of assumptions and completely skimmed over the ‘if you’ parts. The author didn’t generalise or say that every woman did these things. And this view is coming from a woman.

      • Yeah, I especially agree with your comment. My favorite part was “an academic with a top creative career “, HA! That is what makes her think she’s intelligent? I agree that it is a particularly hard thing to do, especially in this day and age, but when she talks about her “academic” friends who probably have creative careers like her, It just comes off as someone who is close to realizing she isn’t that smart, but was too egotistical or arrogant to realize it.

        “My friend has developed a certain set of skills to become a great full-time mother” really? we all know that’s bullcrap unless you have triplets, or they’re still babies. At the most, it should be part time, and you should be able to teach your kids to be independent, develop good habits, and learn stuff on their own from a young age. If she had listed something the mother does that is better than the average dumb american that also happens to be a mother, then I’m not buying it. I have mothers in my family that have 4+ children and “developed skills to be a great full-time mother”, but they also happen to be religious extremists that don’t believe in condoms, vaccines, don’t care what their children do, and other stupid things, even though they can technically still be called “great full time mothers” Being a great mother to your children doesn’t mean anything. Being a great teacher and developer is. Not to mention, the mothers who actually teach their kids know that it’s only a part time job unless you watch TV and shop all day. Plus, making meals can be automated.

        • Shut the hell up… You’re no genius, genious. Intelligent/ ce, doesn’t even have a scientific objective definition.

          Yes the lady may have been projecting an insecurity, but if she really was — as you believe she was — than is it really necessary for you to point it out?

          Are you really intelligent as you say you are, because I don’t find anyone of these comments that reply to her, contributing any real substance. Most of these phenomenons are brought about through cognitive dissonance — confirmation biasm, social equivocations contrasted with cultural, symbolic or intersectional interest, and no doubt, two of my favorites: intellectual dishonesty and The Dunning-Kruger Effect.

          Besides… I believe myself to be confident, but you flip the same token, and if you just happen to disagree with me, you could instead feel as if I’m arrogant. Context is everything…and it kind of depends on the set assumptions from your set of personal experiences that likely bifurcates ideology.

  • Miss Solomon,

    If you are refering to one particular rude, arrogant and socially remedial ‘intelligent woman’, it may help if you say that in your article. Generalising about women with brains doesn’t help anyone.

    Also, your response is pretty articulate and well though out. How do you justify the dreadful things you acredit to capable women in your article, when you yourself are one of them?

    I find it quote ironic that you tell us to stop putting other women down, when your entire article is about telling women such as me (and yourself – is it a lack of confidence that stopsyou making this connection?) how unpleasant we are.

    I do internet dating, and why my profile says I have a PhD, my responses drop from 8 per day to 2. Just this one single factor has that effect. This cannot be because I have been egotistical or rude or boring. My profile is otherwise just the same. I think you need to re-think your approach on this. Perhaps intelligent women are ‘rude’ to you because you are rude to them.

    • I believe that having the PhD designation on your profile is indeed keeping men from responding. Back when I was younger and still single, I’d go out dancing with my friends, not intending to meet any guys but also open to the possibility of someone who seemed nice approached me. I was very attractive when I was younger, although I didn’t quite realize that back then. I thought I was closer to average. I’d get approached by guys often. At the time I had just finished my degree and started a career working in a lab at a pharmaceutical company. I would always try to keep the introductory conversation light but of course one of the first questions they’d ask would be “so what do you do?”. The second I’d tell them, they would ask one or two more things like “how do you get a job like that” or “so you went to college for what?”. 9 times out of 10 the guy would then start to back away slowly. In hindsight, they either were intimidated or were looking for an easy lay and assumed a smart girl was the opposite of that. Who needs the guys who just want to score anyway? And what are we supposed to lie about our lives so that the men will not feel intimidated?

      • Thank you for your comment. I am a firm believer that introductions should be kept light. Talk about what you like and if someone tries to steer the conversation towards work or credentials just change the subject. Why? Because at the end of the day when you meet a man for the first time chemistry is all that should matter. It isn’t a matter of lying but why talk about the plain facts that anyone can find on Linkedin these days. The ability to take control of the conversation and keep it flirtatious and fun is what a lot of women are lacking. Letting a man take the lead doesn’t mean just answering questions. You can steer the conversation a little. Be fun and easy. When the time comes to exchange numbers it won’t be based on what you or he has, it will be based on your chemistry. I always encourage singles to stay away from the boring resume questions. Men and women, the idea isn’t to hide yourself but it’s to show another side.

      • Stories like this (and the article itself) make me very sad. While the article’s advice might be sound if a woman is trying to meet the average person, at the risk of sounding arrogant I’ll say that intelligent men are much more interested in meeting a woman who is passionate about making a difference in the world–having a PhD attached to the end of her name is one clue that that is true of her. I generally (but not exclusively) date women who have at least a master’s degree and find few things sexier than a woman who can challenge me intellectually. I was hoping this article would suggest better ways for intelligent people to meet, instead of trotting out the tired old trope that “men don’t like smart women”.

    • You remind me of this upper-class Mexican woman I met in Houston.. Her name is Maria. Anyway… This chick had two Ph Ds. from two different American Universities and ….she literally has been the dumbest woman I’ve ever met.

      How the hell did that happen?

  • Guess what: Intellgent women are just like everybody else. Some of us are nice, some are not. The issue here is not intelligence, it is personality and kindness – perhaps insecurities and anger issues that need clearing up. And anyone can have those, top draw degree or not. I know just as many women without degrees who are manipulative, aggressive and unpleasant, as i do those with.

    In fact those who are not qualified can sometimes be very bitter towards those women who are – something I have experienced frequently first hand. Is this the case with you Miss Solomon? You mention in your article that you don’t have a degree, so education is clearly important to you. You really shouldn’t worry about that, you are clearly a very clever woman with or without the piece of paper, and are doing better than many graduates.

    I find my biggest barrier is what men (and women it now seems) presume about me because I have a PhD. I am human, just like everybody else.

    • You’ve made some very great points, most importantly human behavior is alot about generalizations. We are all individual people but our habits and commonalities are what allow people like me to make observations then suggestions (assumptive or not). What you mentioned about men who make presumptions on who you are based on your degree is exactly what I’m eluding to. While you may not be guilty of the behaviors that I mentioned in the article, men have complained of the women who do act this way. This is partly why they make the assumptions in the first place, the bad experiences that they’ve had in the past with what they consider to be “educated” women. If one woman acts the way that I wrote about, which they do because I have seen it first hand, it can have an affect on how other women are judged by men and that’s just not fair. My suggestion is to focus on the areas that do apply to you. Enhance what you do right and eliminate what you do wrong. I just read that online profile pictures with women in glasses attract a different quality of men than those who wear contacts. Only to give an example of the assumptions that everyone makes when dating. Thanks for the comments and for reading!

  • I’m still not clear about what you think I should do about men making assumptions about me when online dating because of my degree. You say I should enhance what I do right – which doesn’t seem to be much when I pretend I don’t have a PhD? And eliminate what I do wrong – which in the online dating context seems to be, having a PhD. I’m afraid I cannot eliminate that, it is far too late. Besides I enjoy my research far too much to want to. Are you suggesting I leave it off my profile, isn’t that like lying – giving a false impression of myself? Plus, as I do that, I fear that men will run when they find out, on our first few meetings – especially as they will realise I have been not been entirely honest. Not sure what you mean by the glasses thing either, how does that relate to what I am saying, and what do mean by ‘different’ quality – do you mean better or worse?

    I try not to generalise about people and make assumptions. I have met some very arrogant academic men, but it doesn’t make me avoid them all together. I think perhaps your article could be about the dangers of making assumptions during online dating, instead of your take on how dreadful educated women are.

    I have met some extremely unpleasant men and women who are not educated, that doesn’t put me off them as group either.

    • Given this reply is several years out of date, I must say that you are quite daft for a supposedly educated woman :/ Ph.D. Ph.D. Ph. D Who cares? Who are YOU? What do YOU care about as a PERSON? A degree is a piece of paper and confers nothing about being “educated” in my opinion. I, for one, have a HS diploma and the best compliment I’ve ever gotten to this day was from a woman with a Master’s degree who said it was unfair how smart I was… In a perfect world, we’d all be intelligent enough to boast high math/language “academic skills” and real world “repair/build doodad” skills.

  • Sorry, I meant to say that when I pretend not to have a PhD their doesn’t seem to much ‘wrong’ with my profile – I consider the number of responses I get in that case to be a success. So what should I eliminate, do you mean I should pretend not to have a PhD? Sorry about he poor writing – if it is not clear – am in a hurry!

  • P.S. I am asking you about responses to my online profile which increase dramatically – by 300% – when I mis-inform people about my qualifications – and make that change only. What ‘areas’ do you think ‘apply’ to me, as you say, and are you deducing that they do because of my response to your article? I prefer it when people are direct and to the point about such matters, I find it averts confusion. Vague implications are never very useful when trying to make improvements. I’m already stung by the unfair (your words), anti-intelligent women tone of your article, so don’t worry about stinging further.

    • I’m not familiar enough with online dating profiles to direct you in what to do about your PH.D. I will say that I have met several men and their biggest complaint about women, especially intelligent women, is that they aren’t fun. Now whether you like to generalize or not, men do. It is unfair but its a common practice with men to avoid any behavior they have seen before that they didn’t like. If a man had a bad or unfavorable experience with a woman with a Ph.D he might be skeptical of all women with Ph.ds. Of course this does not mean all men. But the truth is, if the man you are interested in feels this way, it will affect the way he relates you to. The most important element in dating, is making people feel good. I don’t want to blame you for mens reactions to your degree because I don’t know you or the men you are dating but I do know this: we date people who make us feel good about ourselves and who we enjoy spending time with. If a man avoids you because you post on your profile that you have a Ph.D who cares, you don’t need him. But once a man agrees to go out with you, both of you should have a good time. There is no excuse, substitution for not having a good time. No man on earth will stop dating a woman he has fun with because she has an advanced degree. No man would stop seeing a woman he was physically attracted to and had sexual chemistry with because of an advanced degree, those things just don’t happen. What I suggest is to ignore the degree. While it is important to you and you are proud of it, concealing it doesn’t mean you’re being less of yourself, it doesn’t define you. Earning a Phd I’m sure hasn’t made you a funnier, more attractive, more interesting, kinder, more considerate person has it? Any resentment that you harbor about men rejecting you because of it may make the Ph.D more important than it has to be. On a first to third date, we should express who we are as people outside of labels. You might mention you have a Ph.D fine but talk about what you loved about research and your field. Talk about your passions and having a Ph.D can’t be your passion it just can’t and honestly it isn’t the only reason men may not be replying to your profile though it plays a part. The bottom line is, if you meet a man that you really like, show him your best self, be exciting, interesting, funny passionate and positive. Don’t ever think that he won’t accept all of you, who you are what you’ve earned etc. I can only be so specific because I don’t know you or your exact dating dilemma but I do know that every person that you date expects to feel good about themselves, have fun and share chemistry with you. Those should be your only goals in dating until you know someone a little better, start there then introduce your Ph.d. It’s okay to say that you have one but also add, I am proud of my degree but I have many passions, interests and other qualities I’m proud of as well. Hope this was helpful. Thank you for reading!

  • I am a man, and why the hell would I not love to meet intelligent interesting women? These advices are ridiculous, stay true to yourself women! No person is more interesting and loveable than a person who really knows and loves him/herself. Dumbing yourself down is simply retarded. Let’s face it, if you consider these tips as a woman you very likely don’t possess mental capabilities that would classify you as intelligent.

  • WTF kind of bullshit is this…I have yet to meet an intelligent woman in my life EVER. Know why? because you intelligent women either hide, or dumb it down and wind up with loser men who can’t formulate 2 sentences. Dumbing yourselves down is a degredation to yourselves, and if you can’t see that, you shouldn’t be dating altogether. I would love to meet an intelligent woman for once in my life, seeing as how I’m quite intelligent myself. Do you honestly think us smart men want dumb women? who are only good for a single evening and that’s it?? NO, some of us are tired of that nonsense. Now go put on some high heels, a sexy outfit, don’t dumb yourselve’s down, and go outside so I can maybe meet some of you.

    • So, Mr Adam, how about fulfilling your quest to meet that intelligent, self-assured woman? Are we on 🙂
      Don’t tell me in the three years since your comment you have gotten married!

      To the OP:

      Intelligence is of many different kinds. Aside from generalising people, we must also recognise that supermodels are intelligent in their own way. It takes a smartness to know how the fashion industry works, how public relations work and use them to your advantage. While I disagree with a total objectification of women’s bodies… it doesn’t mean I don’t recognise how smart and intelligent some women in that industry are. Just saying!

  • Great article. I’m glad you’ve mustered up the courage to write what men really do think.

    “Intelligent Woman” – I love how the majority of the shit you have written is credential dropping. I doubt any man would want to date you. And if you dating a man… my condolences to him.

    To Felix (you fcking fag),

    the author has never encouraged anyone to dumb themselves… but rather be wary of the traits or behaviour men dislike about “intelligent women”

  • Notice how all the women came in on this conversation and complained about ‘generalizing’? This exemplifies the basic female inability to take criticism. If I were to give examples of how much women generalize about men, it would take 5000 pages. So spare me. Buck up and take the criticisms and learn from them.

    The basic gist is, if you’re smart, GREAT. Smart people are awesome, and they’re needed. Just don’t be a SMART ASS. Someone who ALWAYS has to be right. Someone who CANNOT admit when they’re wrong. Someone who mistakes bitchiness for ‘assertivenes.’

    As far as degrees and career and what have you, most men (real men, that is), don’t care where or if a woman went to college or what kind of career she has. Nature didn’t design men that way. We’re not looking for someone to provide for us or protect us. And guess what: clever conversations are NOT enough to keep a relationship going.

    I’d rather go out with someone who is nice but only graduated from high school and has never been more than 20 miles from her hometown . . . than jerk with a degree and a so-called ‘career’ (men call them JOBS, btw). Same goes for the reverse. As a man – I DON’T CARE how book-smart a woman is. If she IS booksmart, cool. The most important thing is common sense and ability to get along with people.

    Christ, how snobby has everyone become?

  • The real problem both men and women have in dating is looking for the wrong type of person. If the kind of men you look for do not appreciate your mind, the problem is you, not them.

    Stay true to yourself and do what makes you comfortable. People respond to that. And to the man who says “I’ve never met an intelligent woman”, smart women will steer clear of a man looking for a one night stand. (Which I’m sure you think you’re subtle and smooth about, but it’s probably so painfully obvious that smart women flee at the sight of you).

    What men don’t like is when a woman makes them feel like they’re not needed. This is what they mean by feeling emasculated. Because so many women play stupid, many men are truly surprised when a smart woman can do things for herself. It’s not just book smarts either, but being self sufficient. Fixing a tire, working on your car, knowing how to use tools or even taking out the garbage yourself. Men confuse being feminine with being stupid, because from what they can see, you are useless without their help. If you just prove from the beginning that you don’t, he’ll get used to it quickly.

    • It’s not always “looking for the wrong type”. I didn’t find the right guy to marry until I was 39, even though I started looking in my 20s. To be honest in my early 20s I knew I wasn’t ready and dated more for companionship and fun with no expectations. In my late 20s and 30s, I was more focussed on the future but never focussed on a “type”, other than standards like employed, respects me, our personalities mesh well, etc. I dated several guys who were not horrible guys but just didn’t work out for the long haul. I’d say all those guys appreciated my intelligence. One started drinking Too heavily after 3 years of dating. It was due to career dissatisfaction, but the resulting behavior was unhealthy and he wouldn’t seek help. It broke my heart to leave him but I had to. Another, I started dating casually, and after six months he still didn’t want to use the term “girlfriend”, started to cancel dates, and showed other fear of commitment signs, so I ended it. There was another guy who I dated about six months as well, who misrepresented who he was (as a graduate about to begin a professional career) when I met him, then over the coming months gradually revealed that he was taking a gap year(s) to travel and party. He also would not introduce me to his family or even tell them about me because his parents would have taken his allowance away for dating someone outside their ethnicity. These were all very different “types”. All of them wrong….. I can’t stand when people would say “you must be doing something to get in the way of finding someone marriageable”. All I was doing was keeping an open mind and taking the time to get to know people. How can anyone know what someone will be like without taking a little time to find out? And why do people even ask “why are you still single?” Am I really supposed to explain all the failed relationships one by one?

      • Thank you so much for reading and for your comment and I think it’s a wonderful perspective that you shared. The truth is everyone has a different story but most people aren’t willing to share theirs. Before a happy marriage there are often many failed relationships. It doesn’t mean there is something wrong with you, dating is about discovery what you do and don’t want. I appreciate anyone who is honest about their love life before they were married. It isn’t always pretty but its always a lesson to learn. I am so happy that you found love and I know it’s possible for everyone but you have to step outside the box sometimes. You have to break tradition sometimes. You have to be willing to make your own rules sometimes. A type isn’t anything more than a pattern. If the pattern isn’t work it then you have to be willing to change it.

  • Definitely consider that which you said. Your favourite reason appeared to be at the internet the easiest thing to have in mind of.
    I say to you, I certainly get annoyed while other people think about worries that they plainly don’t understand about. You controlled to hit the nail upon the highest and outlined out the whole thing with no need side effect , other folks could take a signal. Will likely be again to get more. Thanks

  • PLEASE DO YOURSELF A FAVOR AND DO NOT FOLLOW ANY OF THIS ADVICE

    I would like to say that I am the target demographic of the article. I went to graduate school on a full-scholarship and received my Masters degree in Economics. I only write this to show that my “credentials” qualify to have the capacity to identify with what you wrote.

    ISSUE #1 GENERALIZATIONS
    A large majority of the thread has complained about this. If someone in this thread made any blanketed statement towards any larger specific group (for example, on the basis of gender, race, ethnicity, or religion) many people would be outraged for lack of political correctness, yet you seemed to find a sub-group small enough that these blanketed statements have slipped by more easily.

    You cite that you never attended college. Well, if you did take a basic logic class, you would have found that one counterexample is sufficient to nullify your basic premise. I am that counterexample. I was popular in a sorority. I had tons of friends. I was offered modeling jobs. I have also had many awards in managing people. People who meet me often comment on my friendliness. I am well-versed with the stereotype of the educated woman; I fit very few, if any, of your aforementioned ones.

    ISSUE #2 LACK OF EXPERIENCE
    There is this idea that you have to ask someone who has experience with something to glean the most useful information. For example, would you ask a broke person how to become rich? Probably not, I really hope not… if riches are your goal. They might be a really great source on how to become broke, though, or what not to do. Along this same reasoning, if I wanted to find out how to be happily married, I would ask someone who is actually in this situation. You are writing about what an highly-educated woman should do to attract a smart man. Yet except for your gender, you do not seem qualified to give an opinion that is really worth much weight. I would seriously question an article in which so many of your target demographic has issues.

    ISSUE #3 CONDESCENSION
    This article is rife with this. Let me quote exactly what you wrote, “…how to shut the f*ck up…” Wow, that is some really strong language. I guess between that and the “make it clap” comment, I have to question your lack of professionalism.

    College attendance is personal issue. For some people finishing college is not necessary. Steve Jobs and Mark Zuckerberg are the “poster boys” of this. I am not here to judge anyone’s decision on why they did/ did not go to college. However, I will say this, you state that you can make a girl that is a 6 and ll by putting her down. So why are you essentially guilty of the core of your own argument? If you are truly proud of your decision to not go to college, why do you feel the need to talk with such open condescension to others who did?

    ISSUE #4 ADVISING PEOPLE NOT TO BE TRUE TO WHO THEY ARE
    This is absolutely the worst advice of the whole piece. It is one thing to improve yourself on clear personality issues. For example, impatience, being rude, impoliteness etc… However, no one should purposefully hide something like college attendance to try to get a date. If a guy is threatened by this, he is not the guy for you. I have men who have relentlessly pursued me, because they were looking for their equal. Not some lightheaded gal who immediately identifies with stripper trick references. I find this article a better guide on how to get a one-night stand rather than a relationship.

    To the couple of guys who wrote about wanting to find a smart girl. Bravo to you for speaking out! You are exactly the kinda men that make me “weak in the knees.” To the author, I would seriously consider revising your article especially, because it seems to be alienating so many of your readers.

    Best of luck to all!
    An Educated Woman 🙂

  • People are different but with that being said a man does like to feel like the man and have a women who is less then his intelgence by his side.
    Unfortunately too many people think they are intelligent so a dumb guy will need a dumber girl to make the magic happen.
    A smart women is just too much work and her needs are on a different level and genrally a reall smart girl that shows it off (PHD girl) is intimidating in a few levels. Look at what guys end up with statistically. If a man can economically afford to leave his older leave headed women which gives him problems who does he does he mostly end up with? That young girl that makes it clap… For that man that has an economical status the girl that is fittest is worth his time. And belive it or not the world is run by men but its all about women.
    Buildings cities wars and invasions will be made by men to get a status and name for them self in order to get the fitted women around.
    And what’s more is women know about it so as it writtes : Girls have an unfair advantage over men: if they can’t get what they want by being smart, they can get it by being dumb. Being Dumb and sexy gets you a higher chair then being mediocre and smart. Then again if you are smart then you should know this and act dumb in order to get what you want. From a guy

  • This was an interesting but ultimately very sad article. Basically it was about judgement based on the criteria of the need to ‘appear’ intelligent. I am at present living in a culture where the whole placement of women is on a different playing field.

    Why is there a need to show this credential thing – A PhD does not show complete intelligence; only an ability to memorise facts and then regurgitate them.

    I agree that there is this huge hang up in the ‘developed’ west about university and college degrees. My late and (very smart) wife was the opposite to this. Due to ill health when she was younger she did not get beyond a very basic college diploma. She struggled with ill health and ultimately lost a long battle with severe mental health issues.

    The point is: she was not a ‘dumb’ woman and she was not a great ‘looker’ yet she was the most beautiful person inside and had the sharpest of minds and a very engaging personalty. Her greatest gifts to herself and to me and others was her kindness, honest and great intelligence. Her impact on my life was massive and I miss her every day. Above all she was a person whom I and trusted and loved above all just for herself. You can’t live with a PhD 24 hours a day –

    I just felt sad when I read this article as so many women, rather sadly seem to be more preoccupied with telling others (both men and women) just how intelligent they are. Ultimately this just seems to be a self defeating thing to do. That annoys everyone – men and women if they are told all the time just how intelligent you are.

    If I meet a nice lady I want first to know that she is kind, has a good sense and humor and is able to talk about anything under the sun. She also has to someone whom I can trust. Academic Intelligence is not an indicator of the deeper personality.

    I have met and worked with many very intelligent and creative women throughout my life. Many were good but there were those who were, superior, arrogant and untrustworthy despite their high level of attainment and accomplishment. That was sad because it just created a barrier to connecting where one might have made friends and really gotten to know this or that woman. Insecurity and the resultant flakiness that often comes out in the end and then even a good man might choose to walk away.

    I really think it’s great that there are so many smart, creative and accomplished women out there but to people cannot live with rampant egos all day. That destroys relationships in the end. Could this stem from the fac that that so many women of earlier generations where kept down and told that their place was behind the kitchen sink?

    In conclusion, this need to ‘prove’ all the time is kind of ‘dumb’ in itself – and one dimensional as well. It also shows, ( I suspect), a lack of maturity which is something that is acquired over time. I have been there and done that one. Beauty is something on the inside not really on the outside.

  • As a guy who went through the trouble of educating myself I can’t stand “school girl” theme stripping events. It’s insulting to anyone who gets that school if for learning and bettering yourself not for getting guys. Dumb girls will never get this guy.

  • I can relate to this article.
    From being an intelligent business owner at a young age, doing the dating leg work….. I can understand your point , and agree with you on many levels.

    Nice piece of writing

    Thank you

  • HA! Thanks for the laugh provided by this joke of an “article.” Never, EVER dumb yourself down for anyone. Anyone who requires that of you is an insecure loser, regardless of gender.

  • This was amusing and a little critical. Felt like more of a journal entry regarding inner frustration than advice.

    Here’s some advice: honor your truth. Embrace your intelligence and beauty. Only speak well of others. Love yourself.

    I am a beautiful and intelligent woman. I have a few degrees, am a size 0 and have quality social skills. My problem isn’t attracting men, no issue there. My problem is trying to find a man that keeps MY interest. Perhaps I’m on the ‘other’ side of intelligent and beautiful…. Where did all the handsome and intelligent men go? I’d rather stay single (currently single) than settle for a man just because he is, well, a man. There ARE brilliant and committed men out there (all of my friends, yes, ALL of my friends are married to this variety!) so it’s hard but keep the faith! Hold your space! Don’t belittle yourself for anyone or anything but DO honor yourself and all those around you. Don’t forget: everyone is at a different place in their cycle of growth – you just need to find someone on your same cycle.

  • We all know there are always exceptions. I don’t think that when Miss Solomon writes an entry she is thinking about the 100% of women that do exist in the planet, so of course as any other thing we could say about women or men there will be always an exception… But is also true that there are some things that we can see clearly happening, in this case for example that many women think intelligence is only related to school degrees, specialized knowledge about anything when in fact there is also ’emotional intelligence’ and this is the main kind of intelligence that is needed if we want to create a relationship with people obviously men included.
    So again, yes it’s true there are exceptions but that doesn’t mean that what Miss Solomon isn’t true, it’s something really happening and it’s always very helpful to have someone who can give us so much food for thought like this in order to change and improve, getting rid of our mistakes.
    As for myself I want to thank Miss Solomon for this super helpful Blog !

  • Thank you for your comment. I believe what some women forget, depending on their circle of friends, is that there are single women who without meaning think negatively about beauty and women who wear makeup. They make a negative association with beauty and assume that the more attractive a woman the less intelligent. They also downplay their own beauty so as to somehow transcend conventional standards. I know this to be true because I’ve seen it with my own eyes. As someone who has witnessed the behavior of highly intelligent women I know for a fact that these mistakes are made often. I have been witness to intelligent women disrespectfully speaking about other women who are wearing makeup. I called these mistakes dumb in a tongue and cheek way, what’s more appropriate is to call these behaviors a turn off to men.

    • My dear, this advise does not even belong in the 1920’s. I had a good ol giggle reading this.. Really I had to come back and check the date on it. Seriously .. With all due respect, dating coach? You and some of the ladies commenting, need to change the type of men you are hanging out with.. there are plenty of smart gorgeous women.. Stop undermining us and yourselves.. and get with the modern age.. Please!!!!!

      • Thank you very much for your comment. I appreciate your insight and value your difference in opinion. I think everyone has to decide for themselves when advice resonates with them but I don’t believe it’s right or wrong. You apply the advice that you think will work based on your situation and see if it does.

  • I don’t understand these types of articles.
    What is the purpose of all this? Don’t you think these “smart women” are smart enough to figure out what you have spent an hour writing?

    Smart woman or not, you need to have enough clarity in your mind to decide for yourself who you are going to be with, when, how and most importantly: FOR WHICH REASON. Because when things get sour, you and ONLY YOU are to be blamed.

    It has nothing to do with smartness, it is about RESPONSIBILITY.
    If you have multiple degrees and decide to marry a high school drop out, well, you need to be prepared for the challenges ahead. The same will apply if you go for interracial relationships, wide age gap relationships , or long distance relationships.
    Make informed choices and OWN your decisions. Putting the blame on society; male people; smartness or fate will take you nowhere…

    • Thank you so much for your comment. I believe it illustrates one of the biggest misconceptions we have about dating. I’ve seen several women sabotage their connection with men that they’re meeting for the first time by doing these very same behaviors. That’s how I came to address these points in the first place. What’s happening that some people don’t understand is that women who make these mistakes aren’t even getting past a phone number exchange. The behaviors I explain are keeping smart and attractive women from even getting the first date. We can’t assume that everyone has the ability to effortlessly choose options for marriage. There are several single women and men who haven’t been on a date in years. These singles are struggling to meet people and for the women who seem to sabotage their initial interactions with men, I wrote this article to shed light on behaviors I’ve witnessed in person, that keep smart women single.

  • Great article, I agree, most women think that their looks will fade the more they get smarter. but society taught us from the start, whenever I watched a kid’s cartoon and a smart woman showed up, she had an ugly bun, giant glasses and wore bad clothes. There you go!

    • Thank you for your comment, I think women should understand that there is a charming and endearing way to showcase yourself and tell your story. It’s not about degrees or pedigree but how you come across to the man.

  • There’s another subject men are interested in their smart woman having besides himself. The smarts of logic & reason. These skills have a domino effect resulting in the ability to see things as they are, not how it’s wanted to be. The couples that fight the least are the ones who resolve disagreements with a discussion that has a logical reasonable realistic agreement/outcome.

  • This article doesn’t apply to me. I love intelligent women and would love to marry one and have children with her. This article may apply to dating, not marriage. I can date any one, but will choose to marry someone who is my friend and advisor. Life is all about smart decisions.

    • Thank you for reading and for your comment. You’re very accurate in that this article and most on this site, is strictly about dating. It’s important to understand that when you’re meeting new people and building initial rapport what happens in the first 10-15 minutes are critical and this is what the article addresses. Those first impressions that can make or break an interaction. I agree with your comment. Thank you.

  • I need a smart women that want to make money with me someone to help me with my college work and love for ever and no games

  • There are many more smart men than there are smart women. The top geniuses are all men, it’s just biology.
    Unfortunately smart women almost always go for dumb guys, this leaves a lot of smart guys lonely and settling for dumb women who often have good hearts which is a bonus.
    Women want either looks, wealth or stability. Intelligent men are intimidating to smart girls who fear they cannot control them and opt for a stable, loyal, unintelligent guy a lot of the time.
    It’s best for smart guys to turn their brain power into wealth which women always go for, many smart guys are creative and non-materialistic as are most geniuses and are after scientific truth and furthering their knowledge or creating art rather than just accumulating money. Unless you can find the rare like-minded women you’re out of luck, unless you’re really good looking.

    Bottom line, accumulate wealth unless you’re good-looking or prepared to be some woman’s loyal, obedient slave.

    • Thank you for your comment and I have to say I found it somewhat witty. If you’re smart, it can often feel that you know more than the people you’re trying to date but real intelligence is a combination of awareness, in my opinion. The ability to connect with anyone regardless of if you deem them highly intelligent or not is the real challenge in dating. We all know different things but we can teach others regardless of our level of intelligence and that is what great relationships are made of. Knowing what you have to teach others. Sharing that knowledge. That is the beautiful part.

  • Well i certainly Know one very big mistake they make since there are so many Career women these days that are very high maintenance, independent, selfish, spoiled, greedy, picky, and so very money hungry since it is all about them which is me me and me all the time since Most women today really want the Best of all and will Never settle for less. Many of us Good men really Don’t like that type of a woman anyway since they have such a very Bad Attitude Problem which i have met many of them Lately Unfortunately which will certainly Explain why many of us Good men are still Single today when we really Should Not be at all. Quite a Change in the women of today compared to the Good old days when Most women i would say were Never like that at all back then.

  • I enjoyed reading this. It is your perspective Miss Solomon. I don’t necessarily agree with most parts but some of the points are true. Most of the intelligent women I know are ice ladies. They are too particular and can’t even go on a girl’s night out because they might lose their cool and act inappropriately. But sometimes in life you need to relax and spend time doing something enjoyable. Having a little fun won’t strip you off your title.

    • Thank you so much for your comment and for reading. I understand that it may not resonate with everyone but I have experienced certain behaviors in women that make it difficult for them to find and keep a relationship. This was my attempt to address that. It may resonate with some and not others but I appreciate people reading and adding to the dialogue so thank you.

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