Stop Rewarding Bad Behavior Learn To Set Boundaries Now

Women constantly complain about why the men that they’re dating aren’t willing to put in the right amount of effort. He never calls only texts, never wants to leave the house, never wants to go on a real date or is simply unromantic and aloof. What women don’t realize is the man is putting in effort, as much as he sees necessary for what he wants. I always say if he ain’t tryin’ he ain’t lyin.

If a man isn’t putting in work he probably isn’t that into you. Women have to put their foot down and set boundaries. The only way you can get what you want from a man is for him to know what you want in the first place.

How do you do that? How do you get a man to do for you what you think you deserve. Call instead of text, make plans instead of showing up at the last minute- respect you and your time, etc. It’s easier than you think and it has to start the minute that you meet. The last thing you can think about is how much you want to have his babies and how you can’t wait to meet his family. Women put up with bullsh*t behavior for one reason: they’re desperate. When you start dating a man he gets his chance to show you what he’s about. Give him the chance to prove to you that he is a good dude.


Don’t just put faith into him because you had a little bit of chemistry. Setting boundaries isn’t always easy for some women but it starts with one simple concept: Reward good behavior and don’t reward bad behavior. When a man does the right thing, its important to be expressively grateful.

Say ‘thank you’. Tell him, ‘You’re such a gentleman’. You can even try ‘That’s so nice of you’.

Trust me, a man will gladly take the acclaim. Sometimes women take for granted that men don’t need or want praise for what they know they are supposed to. Its fine if you think a man should pay for dinner, open car doors or show up on time (or at all) but no man has to do any of those things. Women sometimes assume that if they show gratitude it makes it seem that they’ve never been treated that way before.

I feel the better you are treated the easier and more natural it is to appreciate kindness. When a man behaves as you expect a man should, give him a little praise. Even if you would never accept anything less men feel good when a woman notices the value of their consideration.


But there is a flip side. In my opinion there is only one-way of dealing with poor behavior: don’t. If a man wants to run his game to get you into bed, that’s fine but you don’t have to entertain it. Never make the mistake of thinking “We’ll do what he wants this time, then next time he’ll take me to dinner,” false. Unless, this man is running some new form of playerism that is unknown to female intuition, your instincts will tell you if he’s about dinner and a nice, respectable date or if this man is about sex. He can be about sex, that’s his right.

Choose for yourself whose needs are more important, his or yours. Never feel bad for putting yourself first, you’re not in a relationship. When you make yourself a priority either the man will fall in line or disappear. The ability to put your foot down and say, “No, that’s not cool,” is the tool that both single men and women lack. They set their boundaries too late in the relationship allowing the other person to dominate them.

Dating is a lot like driving; there can only be one driver. Just because you’re not behind the wheel, doesn’t mean you can’t tell them where to go. You might really like this man or think he feels the same about you but if your needs aren’t being met, what does it matter? Why would you bend over backwards to keep someone who isn’t interested in your needs in the first place?

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  11 comments for “Stop Rewarding Bad Behavior Learn To Set Boundaries Now

  1. Amanda
    February 6, 2011 at 2:42 AM

    Damn Skippy! I couldn’t have said it better. It was a pleasure to read.

  2. April 6, 2011 at 10:42 PM

    well written and all too true!

    • April 20, 2011 at 10:24 AM

      thanks! I appreciate your comment! thanks for reading too 🙂

  3. April 15, 2011 at 11:44 PM

    Great post this is very true only don’t we all blow it and set boundries too late in the game. 20/20 hindsight. Well these Celebrity Beauty Secretsshould help you look more beautiful next go around! XOXO

    • April 20, 2011 at 10:24 AM

      thanks for the comment. and the link. standards are so important, some people set them too late

  4. Amellia
    January 16, 2012 at 7:13 PM

    You talk sooooo much sense its fantastic..
    but im actually having a problem with this guy right now lol
    He wont call he just texts texts texts…and i dont know what to do..
    ignore his texts till he calls..or should i say something to him…
    getting both answers from my girlfriends..but its really starting to piss me off
    Help!!! lol
    xx Amellia

    • January 17, 2012 at 10:39 AM

      Thanks so much for reading, I definitely think you should let him know that you don’t like to text all of the time. You’d feel better if he called. That is something that you like/need that makes you feel good. There is no point in pretending it doesn’t matter. If he likes you, he will want to do what makes you happy. IMO.

  5. Armani
    July 26, 2012 at 4:45 PM

    I loved what you wrote on here. It is all great because the truth is you have to set boundaries or they just would not ever listen and they will tell you one thing after the other but, member actions show all. But I have a question for you miss Solomon, what would you do if a guy is best friends with a lesbian dyke and say you had a day with him, then it’s like she always is there? Or he is always texting her? And I’ve already asked and gone down the road of if they were intimate or not, but their not, but what do you do? If your guy can’t put your needs like if your going out together before helping out his lesbian best friend?

  6. John
    November 19, 2015 at 9:21 PM

    Articles such as this one are a great example of the misconceptions between men and women nowadays. Both men and women are easy to understand. What makes things complicated is manipulation between couples. I didn’t even have to read 10 sentences before I already knew where this was going.

    People need to realize that if your partner is not putting that much effort into the relationship it is because they are not that into you. This applies for both genders. Using manipulation to create a better relationship does not work; trust me I’ve tried.

    • November 21, 2015 at 3:17 PM

      The idea isn’t to manipulate another person that almost never works. The idea is to set boundaries. This doesn’t come naturally to most of us, so it takes alot of practice and deliberate behavior. However you do it, it should be done. Establish boundaries and don’t waiver on them. That’s the message. Thank you for reading and taking the time to comment. I appreciate it.

  7. Ms. Wisdom
    January 7, 2016 at 2:18 PM

    Principles of this article should be applied to our relationships with all the people, not just men.

    My experience shows two ways of this happening /developing:

    1) Most people tend and want to be nice and they will not tell you directly (maybe just a little hint) what you have been doing wrong. They will not want to rock the boat. They may suffer in silence but the negativity will keep accumulating… Some little arguments here and there will still bring no desirable changes…. At a certain point this whole thing will reach a point of no return: the suffering party will blow up and this usually will result in ending of the relationship. The relationship ends because the other party will keep doing what they have been doing BECAUSE PEOPLE DO NOT CHANGE.

    2) Some people are direct at pointing on what you did wrong. These people are considered the ones ‘ who have no people skills’. Keep being direct with everyone and see where it leads you . You will lose your friends, co-workers and members of your family. Sure we want to be respected but we keep forgetting one simple truth : PEOPLE DO NO CHANGE. If they are like this with you – they will be like this with everybody else! You cannot change them! Please stop it. On the other hand – nice people are nice to everybody, kind people are kind to everybody. See where I am going with this ??

    So , if someone does not treat you the way you want to be treated — you need to realize these 3 things immediately 1 ) they are like this with everybody else not just YOU 2) they will not change 3) if their behavior really bugs you and you cannot live with this – just do yourself a favor and leave.

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