How To Make Him Feel Like A Man

“I don’t mind living in a man’s world as long as I can be a woman in it”Marilyn Monroe

The alpha female is a force to be reckoned with. It’s not a bad or negative trait to be independent as a woman and the mere suggestion is absurd. What has happened in our society is a subtle war between men and the alpha female. One that in my opinion leaves women on the defensive.

Wanting to please your man or make the man you’re dating happy doesn’t make you any less of an alpha female. It doesn’t make you any less independent. The idea that a woman should want to please her man is a need to maintain a healthy and peaceful relationship. I applaud that. Where I think the trouble lies is setting a boundary between pleasing and being a doormat.

When you start dating a man or in the early stages of a relationship the one thing that can set you apart is to make him feel like a man. Being the kind of woman that a man feels good around isn’t a betrayal to your strength or power as a woman. The issue I see repeatedly for women is when they miss out on a relationship by being too committed to the role the man should play instead of their own.

If you meet a man that you really like and you want a relationship with him these are a few things I believe you can do to make him feel like a man.

Help Him To Feel Good About Himself

A man wants to feel manly and strong in some way, shape or form. A man wants to feel like a protector and a provider. He also wants to feel intelligent. There are tiny behaviors that most women display that take those feelings away. They just don’t make a man feel very good.

These behaviors can include but are not limited to…

  • Being too demanding
  • Arguing
  • Nagging
  • Competing
  • Bragging
  • Telling him what to do

If you know anything about human nature it should resonate that no one feels good about what’s listed above. If you had a parent, or friend who displayed similar traits you might quickly lose interest in a close relationship with that person.

If you want to make your man feel like a man don’t take it as an insult if these behaviors don’t come naturally to you. These behaviors are mostly learned attitudes that have become bad habits. A small shift in your belief system can alter how you interact and engage with men. This shift however could make all the difference with how they interact with you.

Embrace Your Feminine Side

Being a woman shouldn’t be associated with being weak. I like to explain femininity simply as an appreciation for beauty. When you choose to embrace your feminine energies it doesn’t mean that you play dumb, dependent or insecure as typically assumed.

Being feminine could mean tapping into a quiet strength. Being a silent supporter. Being so confident that you let your man take the lead, trusting in his ability to do so.

Just because you are soft and gentle with a baby doesn’t mean that you aren’t in charge.

I encourage you to wield your power differently.

Men are wildly attracted to women who are feminine. Unfortunately, over time, society has placed negative connotations on being “like a girl” but it isn’t a bad thing.

What women should accept is there’s a lot of strength in being a woman (our bodies are made to withstand the pain of childbirth). The ability to bring life into the world isn’t a gift that should be taken lightly. You have that power, you are powerful so you don’t need to prove it to anyone.

Act like a Lady

What does being a lady mean to you? What does the role of a man mean to you? Over the years society has confused the definitions. Get clear on what being a lady represents to you and be that. Don’t try to compete with men or falsely accept that you have to be the same as a man to prove you’re as smart or independent.

I’m a firm believer in being a lady. Just because you can do for yourself doesn’t mean you should deny a man from doing it for you. I believe in community and when you build relationships everyone needs to participate.

No woman should try to prove to a man that she’s capable of paying for her own meal, opening her own doors or pumping her own gas. Trust me, he knows. When a man wants to do something nice for you, let him! The worst thing you can do is prevent a man from doing the aforementioned, or act offended if he does.

How can a man express himself as a man if you deny him the simple actions that, in his mind, represent manliness.

Of course he knows you can do for yourself, how else would you have survived on earth or at least gotten to the date? Unless you’re dating a complete moron (which if you are slap yourself ) a man knows that you don’t rely on him to open doors and pay for meals.

But a lady let’s a service be done and reciprocates with appreciation and gratitude. A lady is grateful and gracious, that’s simply having good manners. Set your own standards and live by them.

Let Him Be A Man

When I’m home alone, I kill spiders. When I get a flat tire, I put on a spare. When my bills come do, I pay them. If you are taking care of yourself as an adult should then you have every right to feel good about yourself. However, if you’re with a man who wants to kill your spiders, change your flat tires or pay a bill- let him.

If you think you’re saving him the trouble or displaying your independence what you’re really doing is advertising, “I don’t need you.”

Of course you don’t need him, that’s what he’s afraid of!

Allowing a man to feel like a man isn’t about downplaying one’s capabilities or putting on a damsel in distress act.

It’s about letting your man express who he is without finding flaws or creating unnecessary challenges. It might not be the behavior you’re used to and you might find it somewhat silly that opening doors, being or service and killing spiders are so important to him but it is.

If a man wants to exert his bravado and buy you a drink, don’t assume its an insult. You don’t have to send him a bottle in return to be on his level. All he really wants, is to get your attention. He’s not trying to make you feel like you can’t afford your own beverage.

The point is, most men are looking for a partner. Not themselves or their mothers. The best thing you can do to make a man feel like a man is to let him be who he is without limitations. Let him do what he believes a man should and appreciate him for his efforts.

I hope this was helpful.

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  14 comments for “How To Make Him Feel Like A Man

  1. Kelly
    November 17, 2011 at 4:49 AM

    This is a great post, I really appreciate it. I’ll need to rethink my ‘strategies’! I heartily agree with the part that says society has placed a negative connotation to being feminie. I have found myself not wanting to look ‘weak’ or feminine, as I had always felt that I won’t be respected if i do that. I want to place myself on equal levels as men, and I always thought that one of doing so would be to show my independence! so this post has certainly made me re-think my ways! I guess I should consider putting one of my girly skirts and ear rings again! ahha

    • November 17, 2011 at 8:35 AM

      The important thing is that you are yourself. That you embrace being a woman and not look at the girly things as embarrassing or weak. If you like pink, that’s your choice it doesn’t make you any less progressive as a woman to be feminine. Men have traditional ideas of what it means to be a man. By being more womanly you two can be more in sync. It doesn’t mean you can’t be his equal but you still have to find a way to fit together that works.

  2. December 7, 2011 at 11:21 PM

    It drives me crazy to read articles like this. That women in 2011 would still find the need to tell other women what they need to be, do and say to “make a man feel like a man” is disgusting to me.

    I have yet to see one article that tells Black men how to make themselves feel like a man. Instead, the onus is placed on the shoulders of Black women to do the work for them. To prop them up, coddle them, flatter them, and pretend to be weak, downplaying her wonderfulness in order to make him falsely believe he is more than she is.

    Instead of women downplaying or discounting themselves, Black men need to get on the stick and do more to elevate THEMSELVES. If your woman has a Bachelors degree and you feel bad about yourself because she is more educated than you are, then you go get a Masters degree and make yourself feel better! That’s the kind of thing I’m talking about. Why can’t Black men assume responsibility for uplifting themselves and making themselves feel more like men?

    All I know is that I refuse to do it and always have. My husband knew he was not getting a sucka as a wife that would ever pretend to be less fantastic than she is. He thought that was great, and that is why I chose him. I could never settle for a weak man that was dependent upon me to define his manhood for him. T

    • December 8, 2011 at 9:29 AM

      Thank you for your comment. I appreciate the fact that men are responsible for building their own self- confidence. Everyone is but you can’t ignore the that not all women are the same. Some women think all men are dogs and in turn have a hard time letting men do anything for them. I’m sure there are articles similar to this written by men for men but this article was written for the women I see who are competitive in life and in turn with their men. You may not have this issue and it may frustrate you that you’re more secure than other women. I think that’s great, that’s probably why you’re married. I try to write articles either based on the advice I would want if I were having a troubled love life or based on what I see. It’s easier to offer advice to readers who come to my site looking for advice. While you’re right, men should bare the responsibility. I can’t reach them from here. I can only hope that women allow a softer side come forward so they can see who is actually being a man and who is being a boy. Thanks again for reading.

      • Pierre Robillard
        May 6, 2015 at 10:04 AM

        Your response to Deborah Cooper was caring and sensitive and showed great class and wisdom .
        I saw in your list of things women do that don’t make a man feel good. I have a comment on it , I believe that some commonality on those negative behavior is expected, but I would say that each man has a different list of things that rob him of fully being a man , Its like a recipe that has varying degrees and intensity on some issue , more on others and less or non existent on others. I need to provide , I need to protect , its not always possible in some relationship and its rarely discussed , but eventually you find yourself drifting away , breaking up and trying your chance at a new relationship. It takes introspection ( as a man ) to realized what you shared to woman in this article. I’ve known from many years what makes me feel like a man in a relationship , but still you can make someone fall in love with you , the dynamics of that are more complex than a man feeling like a man , I suppose the same is true for a woman.
        A great well needed article. I will risk this comment , those that respond negatively to your article , certainly did not understand why you wrote it and the deep truth around it.

  3. Kasey
    July 5, 2012 at 2:47 PM

    I love this article. Thank you so much for this rare nugget of truth in a overly feminist world!
    To you who take offense at anything that hints of being a girl and not a she-man, go ahead, keep doing what you’re doing! I’m sure it’s working great for you, right? I think they know we don’t need them by now, which is why they never help us with the dishes or get their butts out of the lazy chair. If that’s the kind of partnership you want, go ahead; keep saying “I can do it myself!” like a spoiled 5 year old.

  4. Emily
    August 3, 2012 at 11:21 AM

    This is great! Thanks. So true. I am learning what I have been doing wrong from many sources. It is unintentional but it is not working. I feel like I had to harden too because i am pretty and this makes me more intimidating to me as it is. I felt I would be brushed off as stupid especially in an educational setting. But in dating love and romance I want to be the woman. Just hard when have to learn how to draw a man out. It wasn’t taught to me by anyone so I have to educate myself.

  5. Lisa Odell
    October 8, 2012 at 6:39 PM

    I appreciated the information provided in this article. I recently received news from a man that he was seeing another woman and wanted a sexual relationship with me. I immediately judged, refused to play second fiddle, told him I wouldn’t die, and that he can be damn sure that I wouldn’t call him. I regretted everything I said the moment it came out. I called him back the next day and apologized for my emotional outburst and disrespecting him. He appreciated this. I am regretting the unladylike things I said and did with him. I acted tough and strong, I turned down his offers of help, we had sex soon after meeting – after which I expressed negative feelings, I drank too much, swore from time to time, I called him when drunk and spoke badly to him, I asked him if was crazy when he asked me to go away with him — all of these things are making me ill. I do not like the way I acted and know that I drove him away. I need to be a classy woman and am ashamed. I cannot turn back time – though I would like to. I get in my own way – thought I was classy – and am not at all.

  6. Elizabeth
    October 30, 2012 at 12:21 AM

    All I can say is follow your heart. That’s what attracts men to women. I am strong, I am opinionated, I have a master’s degree, I own my business and I am a single mom. But, I’m not afraid to embrace my femininity. Am I girly?? Hell no. But I am “soft” and youthful. And funny, spontaneous and I live in the present. And I love to flirt with my man…to challenge him in a playful way. He thrives on this. And when I need help, I am not afraid to ask. So I’ll tell him I need his advice and then I listen thoroughly. And he loves that more than anything. And I give him his space and trust him. And he loves that. And my man is all man. Not some doormat. He is my stud muffin…and I tell him this. I am not afraid to express my passion for him…and he loves this. Basically, the WAY I AM with him makes him happy…and so he goes overboard to make me happy because he wants me in his life. That’s what being feminine is about.

    • Kerri
      October 23, 2014 at 6:36 PM

      Girl! All of what you just said. I completely agree; this too has been my experience.

  7. July 14, 2014 at 7:21 PM

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    • July 14, 2014 at 8:19 PM

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  8. TheRealTruthIs
    November 3, 2015 at 8:46 AM

    Well there are many of us good men out there looking for a good woman to Accept us for who we really are since so many women have their Careers now and many of them want the best and won’t settle for less which many of us Don’t make the kind of Money that many of the women are making today, and now that so many women are very high maintenance, independent, selfish, spoiled, and very greedy, it will be very difficult for many of us Single men looking for love today since many of us are Not single by choice.

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