keep your man happy

How To Make Him Feel Like A Man

“I don’t mind living in a man’s world as long as I can be a woman in it”Marilyn Monroe

The alpha female is a force to be reckoned with. It’s not a bad or negative trait to be independent as a woman and the mere suggestion is absurd. What has happened in our society is a subtle war between men and the alpha female. One that in my opinion leaves women on the defensive.

Wanting to please your man or make the man you’re dating happy doesn’t make you any less of an alpha female. It doesn’t make you any less independent. The idea that a woman should want to please her man is a need to maintain a healthy and peaceful relationship. I applaud that. Where I think the trouble lies is setting a boundary between pleasing and being a doormat.

When you start dating a man or in the early stages of a relationship the one thing that can set you apart is to make him feel like a man. Being the kind of woman that a man feels good around isn’t a betrayal to your strength or power as a woman. The issue I see repeatedly for women is when they miss out on a relationship by being too committed to the role the man should play instead of their own.

If you meet a man that you really like and you want a relationship with him these are a few things I believe you can do to make him feel like a man.

Help Him To Feel Good About Himself

A man wants to feel manly and strong in some way, shape or form. A man wants to feel like a protector and a provider. He also wants to feel intelligent. There are tiny behaviors that most women display that take those feelings away. They just don’t make a man feel very good.

These behaviors can include but are not limited to…

  • Being too demanding
  • Arguing
  • Nagging
  • Competing
  • Bragging
  • Telling him what to do

If you know anything about human nature it should resonate that no one feels good about what’s listed above. If you had a parent, or friend who displayed similar traits you might quickly lose interest in a close relationship with that person.

If you want to make your man feel like a man don’t take it as an insult if these behaviors don’t come naturally to you. These behaviors are mostly learned attitudes that have become bad habits. A small shift in your belief system can alter how you interact and engage with men. This shift however could make all the difference with how they interact with you.

Embrace Your Feminine Side

Being a woman shouldn’t be associated with being weak. I like to explain femininity simply as an appreciation for beauty. When you choose to embrace your feminine energies it doesn’t mean that you play dumb, dependent or insecure as typically assumed.

Being feminine could mean tapping into a quiet strength. Being a silent supporter. Being so confident that you let your man take the lead, trusting in his ability to do so.

Just because you are soft and gentle with a baby doesn’t mean that you aren’t in charge.

I encourage you to wield your power differently.

Men are wildly attracted to women who are feminine. Unfortunately, over time, society has placed negative connotations on being “like a girl” but it isn’t a bad thing.

What women should accept is there’s a lot of strength in being a woman (our bodies are made to withstand the pain of childbirth). The ability to bring life into the world isn’t a gift that should be taken lightly. You have that power, you are powerful so you don’t need to prove it to anyone.

Act like a Lady

What does being a lady mean to you? What does the role of a man mean to you? Over the years society has confused the definitions. Get clear on what being a lady represents to you and be that. Don’t try to compete with men or falsely accept that you have to be the same as a man to prove you’re as smart or independent.

I’m a firm believer in being a lady. Just because you can do for yourself doesn’t mean you should deny a man from doing it for you. I believe in community and when you build relationships everyone needs to participate.

No woman should try to prove to a man that she’s capable of paying for her own meal, opening her own doors or pumping her own gas. Trust me, he knows. When a man wants to do something nice for you, let him! The worst thing you can do is prevent a man from doing the aforementioned, or act offended if he does.

How can a man express himself as a man if you deny him the simple actions that, in his mind, represent manliness.

Of course he knows you can do for yourself, how else would you have survived on earth or at least gotten to the date? Unless you’re dating a complete moron (which if you are slap yourself ) a man knows that you don’t rely on him to open doors and pay for meals.

But a lady let’s a service be done and reciprocates with appreciation and gratitude. A lady is grateful and gracious, that’s simply having good manners. Set your own standards and live by them.

Let Him Be A Man

When I’m home alone, I kill spiders. When I get a flat tire, I put on a spare. When my bills come do, I pay them. If you are taking care of yourself as an adult should then you have every right to feel good about yourself. However, if you’re with a man who wants to kill your spiders, change your flat tires or pay a bill- let him.

If you think you’re saving him the trouble or displaying your independence what you’re really doing is advertising, “I don’t need you.”

Of course you don’t need him, that’s what he’s afraid of!

Allowing a man to feel like a man isn’t about downplaying one’s capabilities or putting on a damsel in distress act.

It’s about letting your man express who he is without finding flaws or creating unnecessary challenges. It might not be the behavior you’re used to and you might find it somewhat silly that opening doors, being or service and killing spiders are so important to him but it is.

If a man wants to exert his bravado and buy you a drink, don’t assume its an insult. You don’t have to send him a bottle in return to be on his level. All he really wants, is to get your attention. He’s not trying to make you feel like you can’t afford your own beverage.

The point is, most men are looking for a partner. Not themselves or their mothers. The best thing you can do to make a man feel like a man is to let him be who he is without limitations. Let him do what he believes a man should and appreciate him for his efforts.

I hope this was helpful.

miss solomon

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  • This is a great post, I really appreciate it. I’ll need to rethink my ‘strategies’! I heartily agree with the part that says society has placed a negative connotation to being feminie. I have found myself not wanting to look ‘weak’ or feminine, as I had always felt that I won’t be respected if i do that. I want to place myself on equal levels as men, and I always thought that one of doing so would be to show my independence! so this post has certainly made me re-think my ways! I guess I should consider putting one of my girly skirts and ear rings again! ahha

    • The important thing is that you are yourself. That you embrace being a woman and not look at the girly things as embarrassing or weak. If you like pink, that’s your choice it doesn’t make you any less progressive as a woman to be feminine. Men have traditional ideas of what it means to be a man. By being more womanly you two can be more in sync. It doesn’t mean you can’t be his equal but you still have to find a way to fit together that works.

  • It drives me crazy to read articles like this. That women in 2011 would still find the need to tell other women what they need to be, do and say to “make a man feel like a man” is disgusting to me.

    I have yet to see one article that tells Black men how to make themselves feel like a man. Instead, the onus is placed on the shoulders of Black women to do the work for them. To prop them up, coddle them, flatter them, and pretend to be weak, downplaying her wonderfulness in order to make him falsely believe he is more than she is.

    Instead of women downplaying or discounting themselves, Black men need to get on the stick and do more to elevate THEMSELVES. If your woman has a Bachelors degree and you feel bad about yourself because she is more educated than you are, then you go get a Masters degree and make yourself feel better! That’s the kind of thing I’m talking about. Why can’t Black men assume responsibility for uplifting themselves and making themselves feel more like men?

    All I know is that I refuse to do it and always have. My husband knew he was not getting a sucka as a wife that would ever pretend to be less fantastic than she is. He thought that was great, and that is why I chose him. I could never settle for a weak man that was dependent upon me to define his manhood for him. T

    • Thank you for your comment. I appreciate the fact that men are responsible for building their own self- confidence. Everyone is but you can’t ignore the that not all women are the same. Some women think all men are dogs and in turn have a hard time letting men do anything for them. I’m sure there are articles similar to this written by men for men but this article was written for the women I see who are competitive in life and in turn with their men. You may not have this issue and it may frustrate you that you’re more secure than other women. I think that’s great, that’s probably why you’re married. I try to write articles either based on the advice I would want if I were having a troubled love life or based on what I see. It’s easier to offer advice to readers who come to my site looking for advice. While you’re right, men should bare the responsibility. I can’t reach them from here. I can only hope that women allow a softer side come forward so they can see who is actually being a man and who is being a boy. Thanks again for reading.

      • Your response to Deborah Cooper was caring and sensitive and showed great class and wisdom .
        I saw in your list of things women do that don’t make a man feel good. I have a comment on it , I believe that some commonality on those negative behavior is expected, but I would say that each man has a different list of things that rob him of fully being a man , Its like a recipe that has varying degrees and intensity on some issue , more on others and less or non existent on others. I need to provide , I need to protect , its not always possible in some relationship and its rarely discussed , but eventually you find yourself drifting away , breaking up and trying your chance at a new relationship. It takes introspection ( as a man ) to realized what you shared to woman in this article. I’ve known from many years what makes me feel like a man in a relationship , but still you can make someone fall in love with you , the dynamics of that are more complex than a man feeling like a man , I suppose the same is true for a woman.
        A great well needed article. I will risk this comment , those that respond negatively to your article , certainly did not understand why you wrote it and the deep truth around it.

      • Miss Solomon i adore your sense of reasoning and the article was so useful to me and imma gon make my relationship worth it lessons learnt

    • This is the best response in the bunch. The necessity some women feel to tell other women to be less than they are in order to make men feel like men is painful to read. If these men are truly men, they won’t need women to downplay herself or modify behavior that isn’t hurtful or degrading or otherwise necessary to modify. A good man will not feel as though his wife is “competing” with him just because she can handle being an adult on her own. This article is just the same old message about women making themselves smaller to elevate men who can’t handle the adult responsibility of making themselves capable in the first place.

  • I love this article. Thank you so much for this rare nugget of truth in a overly feminist world!
    To you who take offense at anything that hints of being a girl and not a she-man, go ahead, keep doing what you’re doing! I’m sure it’s working great for you, right? I think they know we don’t need them by now, which is why they never help us with the dishes or get their butts out of the lazy chair. If that’s the kind of partnership you want, go ahead; keep saying “I can do it myself!” like a spoiled 5 year old.

    • Telling someone you can do it yourself isn’t being a spoiled five year old, it’s being an adult. Asking for help and communicating properly that you would like work to be shared is also what adults do, which I would recommend over your passive aggressive tone. But that’s not what this article is talking about. This article is clearly about women making themselves into less in order to make men feel better, which is unacceptable.

      Also, there are many different sorts of women, and there are many feminist women who are feminine. Gender roles are man-made, and so labeling women so harshly as you have done is completely unnecessary. Why insult women based on who you think isn’t feminine enough, or who you think wants more equality? Elevate women without fighting them or being petty and we will all be better people.

  • This is great! Thanks. So true. I am learning what I have been doing wrong from many sources. It is unintentional but it is not working. I feel like I had to harden too because i am pretty and this makes me more intimidating to me as it is. I felt I would be brushed off as stupid especially in an educational setting. But in dating love and romance I want to be the woman. Just hard when have to learn how to draw a man out. It wasn’t taught to me by anyone so I have to educate myself.

  • I appreciated the information provided in this article. I recently received news from a man that he was seeing another woman and wanted a sexual relationship with me. I immediately judged, refused to play second fiddle, told him I wouldn’t die, and that he can be damn sure that I wouldn’t call him. I regretted everything I said the moment it came out. I called him back the next day and apologized for my emotional outburst and disrespecting him. He appreciated this. I am regretting the unladylike things I said and did with him. I acted tough and strong, I turned down his offers of help, we had sex soon after meeting – after which I expressed negative feelings, I drank too much, swore from time to time, I called him when drunk and spoke badly to him, I asked him if was crazy when he asked me to go away with him — all of these things are making me ill. I do not like the way I acted and know that I drove him away. I need to be a classy woman and am ashamed. I cannot turn back time – though I would like to. I get in my own way – thought I was classy – and am not at all.

  • All I can say is follow your heart. That’s what attracts men to women. I am strong, I am opinionated, I have a master’s degree, I own my business and I am a single mom. But, I’m not afraid to embrace my femininity. Am I girly?? Hell no. But I am “soft” and youthful. And funny, spontaneous and I live in the present. And I love to flirt with my man…to challenge him in a playful way. He thrives on this. And when I need help, I am not afraid to ask. So I’ll tell him I need his advice and then I listen thoroughly. And he loves that more than anything. And I give him his space and trust him. And he loves that. And my man is all man. Not some doormat. He is my stud muffin…and I tell him this. I am not afraid to express my passion for him…and he loves this. Basically, the WAY I AM with him makes him happy…and so he goes overboard to make me happy because he wants me in his life. That’s what being feminine is about.

  • Well there are many of us good men out there looking for a good woman to Accept us for who we really are since so many women have their Careers now and many of them want the best and won’t settle for less which many of us Don’t make the kind of Money that many of the women are making today, and now that so many women are very high maintenance, independent, selfish, spoiled, and very greedy, it will be very difficult for many of us Single men looking for love today since many of us are Not single by choice.

    • Thank you so much for your comment. I often equate finding a partner with any other challenge we face such as finding our passion or a dream job. It isnt’ something just given to you because you happen to want it. You have to make a conscious decision to create a loving environment in your life. Your love life is up to you, just as your happiness and success is up to you. Although there might be challenges ultimately I believe the outcome is in your hands. I hope this was helpful.

  • I reall dislike this article, you equate femininity with beauty and weakness. Femininity is all about being strong and powerful. Able to juggle multiple demands, go through massive pain unscathed, look after friends, family, children and still have time to be an artist or go snowboarding or whatever hobby we choose. We are the stronger sex, sorry guys but if you were the stronger sex youd have been given the pain of childbirth. Being womanly is all about being strong, competant and a survivor. Men are the sex that are fighting over who is the prettiest, women choose their mates but sadly many women have fallen to the idea that they are weak (sexist society) and they should get dressed up pretty and wait for a handsome prince. Worst idea ever!!! Heres what I think, if anyone cares for my rant 🙂 I think that you should pick a good man, one who is emotionally strong but not one who is all slushy and weak (although these men are the most likely to have kids). Woman up and go get the alpha male that meets your alpha female standards!!!

    • Thank you so much for taking the time to read this and comment on this article. I value discussion from different points of view but I don’t equate femininity, beauty and weakness at all. In fact, quite the opposite. So it’s possible the idea didn’t come across fully. I agree with your points and maybe I wasn’t clear on the message of the post.

  • A lot of the people in the comment (as well as the author of this post) seem to believe that being a woman or being a man goes hand in hand with being rather dominating and being rather submissive in a relationship. But is that really how it has to be? When can we finally start to see equality as a good thing and not as some obscure ruse extreme feminists use to take over the power? Equality means equality. I will praise and admire my abundantly partner whenever he has done something good. I will praise all of his positive qualities, which are not limited to typical “manly qualities” I know it’s much harder for most men to talk about their emotions and show some tenderness than it is to lift a box of a shelf. I will not, however, present myself as a weaker than I am. Not Ever.
    Also, it sort of bothers me that this is still directed at the male perspective. As in, women should stroke their partner’s ego, not vice versa. Appreciation is necessary for both sides. A woman doesn’t expect a thank you speech when she does something completely normal and easy. If she does, however, help or explains something to her partner or is successful at work, she expects and should receive appreciation just like a man should.
    Shouldn’t it be seen as normal by now that both partners do the dishes, pay the bills and are seen as equals? Why is that still such a hard concept to grasp? Of course a woman doesn’t have to like pink or remain polite and quiet behind her man. Nor does she have to run a company to prove something. These are all INDIVIDUAL choices. The exact same goes for men. If he wants to be a lawyer that’s fine, if he wants to be a stay at home dad that’s just as fine. If both partners work, thats fine too! Why must we immediately ressort to typical gender roles?
    It all starts so sneaky. Don’t downplay or change yourself for men, these articles tell women. Just, you know, ask them to do things you could do yourself. Act like a damsel in distress every once in a while, play a little dumb, because that’s what he wants.
    And if that is not what you want? If that goes against your wishes? Does that not matter at all? Well, that’s too bad, now act scared, there’s a spider.

    There is a middle line between Making your partner feel like he a hero because he changed a tire and making him feel unnecessary. I don’t understand why a woman being capable of certain things should be emasculating. Obviously, in an age and a country where women have access to education and are free to choose their own career paths, they will go for more diverse things than stay at home mom’s, a concept that has been forced upon them for years. They choose jobs like doctors, police officers or judges, not to emasculate anybody but simply because they can and want to. Just like a mother of two didn’t pick that option in order to honor some age old tradition of womanhood. She did it because she wanted to. Same in a relationship. A girl doing things herself doesn’t want to make you feel like less of a man, she just doesn’t see why it’s so important that the man is the one doing all the lifting and manual work while she does the “feminine” chores.
    I don’t feel like less of a woman because my boyfriend cooks 10 times better than me. I have no trouble accepting that, and he’s fine with me mowing the lawn. Of course he is needed, and should feel it, but not to open jars and kill spiders. That would mean I greatly underestimate his worth. I need him as my emotional, intellectual equal, as the person who makes me feel the happiest I’ve ever been. I love and admire him, but not for being a hero or my protector or something. We don’t live in caves anymore and we don’t need men to guard as with clubs while we take care of the children. We are past that. Men are no longer emotionless bodyguards, existing solely to fight off predators and women are no longer reproduction machines whose only purpose is giving birth to and raising children. Both sides bring more to the table, why can’t we accept that as the positive development it is? Can’t we just have our interests, personalities, mannerisms, without categorizing everything into male and female again?
    I often hear men complain about being stereotyped into violent, sex obsessed idiots, who should do nothing but earn money. Is that really how you see us, they ask.
    Of course not. But insisting on praising “masculine” qualitie s(again, I hate that these adjectives even put a label on them like that) like physical strength, or sexual stamina has that exact effect. We forget that women can have these qualities too, that they an be determined and stubborn and brave, and that men can have a sensitive side as well. This doesn’t mean women are turning into she-men and men into doormats. It means, everyone should be free to live as they please and be whoever they want. If your girlfriend crushes her own spiders, what’s wrong with that? Honestly, would you want to be that mindless force in her life again? The strong caveman, circling her with a club and chasing away any possible danger? Do you have that little respect for her own strength, opinion, her wish to be her own hero, her freedom to make her own choices?
    Saying We are equals but I still want to be in charge is just dishonest. A relationship should work as a team. Tires can be changed as a team. A team does NOT meab trusting the man to make all the decisions. It means both people decide TOGETHER. And to all those believing it is somehow natural or in our DNA that men are the dominant party in a relationship, and women working in high grossing jobs MUST be secretly surpressing some deep urge to cuddle a baby and bake a chicken instead, NO. I am perfectly happy in a relationship that works as a partnership. We split bills, I don’t applaude when he lifts something heavy nor do I ask him to do things I can easily do myself. That doesn’t stop me from showering him with appreciation about all the truly great things he does. That has nothing to do with ego stroking, I have no problem with complimenting about his real accomplishments. No, not always big things, small achievements count too. And I would not do it if he didn’t do the same for me.
    Or nice things we do for each other. To show that we care, not to feel stronger or better about ourselves. And I love that as well, because I know he really does these things for me, not to get some triumph out of them and prove to himself what an Alpha he is. The same vice versa. If I pick up his favorite drink after work, I don’t do it to feel needed or prove to myself what a caring sweet wife I am, I do it because it’s HIS favorite drink. Or, different example, our sex life is great but I don’t have to make him feel like he is godlike. We both compliment each other (it’s somewhat of a praising orgy, really, but again, the point is, it’s a MUTUAL thing) and it works out fine.
    One little thought experiment:
    Imagine the man in a relationship broke his leg. He couldn’t be the “protector” anymore, the “knight”, the hunter, the provider, with all the muscle thaz encompasses. Now, for the men, would that be emasculating? Would it change the things you can do, physically? Of course it would. Would it change the person you are, the person your partner fell in love with? NO!
    And for the women, would you leave him? Would you be bothered by the fact that he can’t hold doors open anymore or unscrew lids? I don’t know one woman who’d say yes. Wake up already, we don’t love you for your biceps! In a mutually loving relationship, women couldn’t care less about how much a man lifts, or earns, or even if he is that great in bed. Men put too much importance in things they don’t need to worry about and think there must be something wrong with women no longer ready to admire them for these things. Of course, the things we compliment them on nowadays, like being great fathers, often go unnoticed. I prefer a man who respects who I am to someone who wants me to conform to an outdated idea of “feminine” any time. You want a woman to let you be yourself? Then why make her act like she’s someone else?

    • Thank you so much for reading and for your comment. You make a lot of great points and I agree with you 100%. Keep in mind however that this is a dating advice site and there will be some generalizations that don’t apply to everyone. While I agree that men and women should share equality in the relationship it’s hard to enter a courtship with all things being equal. There will be certain social mores and cultural norms that women should pay attention to. Even though this article is addressed to women, be clear that it’s not because I am blaming women. I am speaking to women and we can only control our own behavior. Regardless of what a man should or shouldn’t do it’s your (our) own behavior that we have to worry about. Also keep in mind if I didn’t come across these issues with women on a regular basis I wouldn’t view them as a problem at all. It has just been a reoccurring theme in the questions and emails that I receive where women have a hard time being independent and feminine. Women don’t have to be feminine if its not in their nature but then this blog probably isn’t for those women. The key is this: We are all in control of our lives. Our behavior often dictates our outcomes. We must do what is working for and stop doing what is not working. Thanks again for your comment.

    • This is in the top 5 best comments I have ever read. Thank you. This has helped me realize some things about my guy and our relationship. He says I am so independent like it’s hard for him, but then when I ask him for emotional support or need comforting, he thinks I am being needy. IDK but it’s wack.

    • The most brilliant, honest and authentic reply I have ever read ! Your husband is one lucky man to have you and he must be amazing to have attracted you. I am truly impressed and rarely do I give this kind of praise.

  • Interesting article, and straight to the point. I’d go as far as to claim that if more people payed attention to the importance of embracing yourself for who you really are, it could even cure the 50% divorce rate, as well as the fact that there are tons of single mothers and single women in their 30s who now have to rely on big pharma for anti-depressants.

    For men, on the other hand, the solution is a bit more complicated, as their body chemistry (testosterone levels) have been severely impacted by the plastics, stress, fast food diet, and various environmental estogen-like pollutants. Although it’s not really relevant for this article, since the audience here is women, I’d like to point out this out to the ladies who are quick to blame men for not measuring up and being men enough: men really are not the same as they used to be 50 years ago, they are now PHYSICALLY different. Maybe you could do SOMETHING to alleviate one of the factors (e.g. relationship stress) as this article teaches you to ? and in return, enjoy a company of a more masculine man ..

  • I admire how you deal with small, unobservant minds who are quick to react emotionally! Any calm & objective individual would read carefully & see you defend women & present femininity as strength. Ladies, how often do we criticize men for their egos when we also fish for compliments & flattery? When did it become selfish for men to want self-esteem too? How must it feel to be male in an age where women bark “I DON’T NEED YOU!” & make you feel like useless, outdated technology to be thrown away? Do you even realize WE CRITICIZE THE MOST BEAUTIFUL TRAIT of men? They want to help you, make you happy, & care for you & yet you label it as ego? No wonder they’re bitter! As humans, we get stuck in our own heads & forget empathy for others’ feelings & points of view! Women who don’t understand this are single for a reason & don’t deserve a man’s generosity & willingness to help & serve.

    • Thank you for comment and I completely agree. One thing we lack when it comes to dating is empathy. We don’t understand what others are going through and we are too quick to judge situations instead of trying to look at both sides of a scenario. I couldn’t agree more with the fact that women are harder on men than they tend to realize because they’ve been hurt in the past and they sometimes resent men. We also tend to be hard on people who like us and are nice to us. It’s important to remember that if you’re not a weak person then your actions can never be seen as weak or passive. It takes a strong person to put their own needs aside and do what makes others feel good.

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