Have you ever asked yourself, “Do they like me?” or “Will I see them again?” after a first date?
Assuming that you were slightly interested in the romantic possibilities with this person when you planned the date, afterwards you might have many questions running through your mind. Doubts really; about how they felt about you and the date overall.
These feelings are completely naturally but absolutely detrimental to first date success. What single men and women don’t seem to know or realize is: The point of a first date is to get a second date.
Matchmaker, author and relationship expert Rachel Greenwald describes it best in an excerpt from her best-selling book,
The Goal of a First Date
Here’s a little multiple-choice quiz: What’s the goal of a first date?
a.)To allow *your date to get to know you, or to
b.)To get *your date to want a second date with you?
The answer, in my opinion, is B. If your first instinct was to say A, stop and consider something for a moment. No one can accurately assess a person on a first date, no matter how astute they their instincts are.
People behave abnormally (either a little or a lot) on first dates because they’re either nervous, cynical, overeager, shy, keeping their guard up, having a bad day or drinking too much. How many times have you jumped to negative conclusions about somebody new (a coworker or neighbor, for example), only to end up liking that person later?
A *person cannot really determine on a first date that you are warm, kind, brilliant, interesting, and great at math. What a *person can determine on a first date is whether *they are attracted to you and intrigued enough by you to want to know the real you. The problem is that *they won’t meet the real you (and you won’t meet the real them) If *they don’t want a second date.
…The point is not to change any of the qualities that make you you, but rather to keep the ball in your court.
All of us would like to think we are special (I’m very happy that you were hugged as a child), but most of us are the rule, not the exception. While you may be willing to put all of your cards on the table on a first date (talk about your ex and your stint seeing a therapist), it isn’t a good idea.
First of all, typical first dates are with strangers or people we don’t know very well. Those who have no distinction between what they would tell a stranger and their closest friends are weirdos not received well. It isn’t natural or expected to be so open about your personal life, especially with a person that you don’t really know.
When singles share extremely personal information on a first date, they are asking their date to do what most people hate doing; care. Why should they care about anything you say? Who are you to them?
On a first date your goal is to build desire, chemistry, excitement, intrigue and interest in getting to know you. What you should divulge on a first date is the preview to the academy-award winning movie that is your life. Giving only the highlights, tidbits and most fascinating sound bites. When the night is over, the only question on your mind should be ,“Do I want to see them again?”
Once you succeed on a first date, you can bet that this person will want to see you.
*words were changed to be more gender neutral