Why Men Enjoy Being Single And Hate “Dating”

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A friend of mine brought concept to my attention that I had never thought of. A single man himself he noted that most men enjoy being single but they probably hate dating.

Now this piece of information shocked me because as an avid dater, I believed all men, specifically the ones I dated, enjoyed dating as much as I did. To my friends observation, not so.

The more I thought about this idea, the more it made sense to me.

After speaking with numerous single men, I understand why some men are serial monogamist. You know the type who bounce from from one relationship to another, like a frog to a lily pad. For men, it seems way easier to lock down a woman that you can guarantee you’ll have sex with than to chase unpredictable sex.

We all have that one friend who always seems to have a girlfriend and this is why.

Dating is work.

This isn’t news.

Dating requires planning, thought, dressing up possible and most of the time money. It takes effort, and although relationships are work, a relationship is more likely to yield a reward that just one date. In relationships, a half-ass effort is still better than nothing.

In dating however, it does not reward you for doing things half-assed; in fact it down right punishes you.

Culturally, men are required to put in much more work than women in the beginning of a courtship. Based on this pressure, we’re starting to see the rebellion from men to makes moves. Men are less likely today, than ever, to pursue women.

You might be wondering, how anyone gets into a relationship these day, well the truth is, many people don’t.

I completely sympathize with a man’s unwillingness to just date.

It’s expensive

You don’t know when, if ever, you’ll have sex

You’re expected to initiate the dates

You don’t feel in control

There’s always a chance she might say, “I think we should be friends.”

Television shows like Entourage teach men across the globe, the freedom of being single. The fun that you can have being single is immeasurable, and your happiness hinges solely on your confidence. Feel good about yourself, and the dating world is your oyster.

The alternative is to suffer through the process wondering what the woman you’re dating really wants.

If I were a man, I would hate dating as well.

Men should know the truth; there are three typical reasons a woman will agree to go out with you.

She wants a relationship with you (she already knows it, unless you do something to change her mind)

She wants to have sex with you (she already knows it, unless you do something to change your mind.)

She doesn’t have sh*t else to do (or anyone else to do it with.)

Men have the unfortunate task of trying to determine one intention from another. Which can be incredibly difficult. That’s because to understand a woman’s intentions you must first fundamentally understand women.

If you want to get the most out of dating as a man, I suggest the following.

Stop taking women on dates.

At least formally.

When it comes to getting to know a woman, simply invite her to something that you’re already doing. I hate to admit that women aren’t that tough to impress. But they’re really not. They want to spend time with you, and if you’re not enough then they’re probably not that into you.

While culturally, formal dates have been the way that adults get to know each other, they are no longer necessary.

Times are changing. Dinner, and a movie aren’t dates for single people anymore. They’re a great idea when you’re in a relationship but before you know if you want to get exclusive with a woman, save your coins.

Not only am I a proponent of informal, and free dates, I think it’s time that we were more of ourselves. Invite a potential partner to join you doing something that you enjoy so that she can judge you on your passions and not your resume.

Stop hitting on women.

Stop hitting on women and just talk to them.

In the pick-up world, they call this the direct approach. State your intentions and the woman is either into it or not. Taking the concept a little further, say what you’d like to happen but don’t worry about if it happens or not.

Every interaction doesn’t need to turn into a date.

Speak to women like people, instead of conquests. You’ll be surprised how easy it can be to strike up a conversation with a stranger when you have no hidden agendas.

This is exactly what wingmen and women do, they spark conversations without asking anything from the person they’re speaking with. Sure, it’s an ask to hold someone’s attention but you don’t have to put pressure on yourself based on the outcome.

The conversation is the goal, not getting a date. While a conversation can turn into a date, it shouldn’t be the only reason that you speak women.

Stop being nice.

That might sound controversial, or against the gentleman code of conduct but it’s so easy to want to be nice read compliant, instead of just being yourself. Instead of being nice to women, be honest. Be bold. Be attentive, and aware of her needs as well as yours.

Just don’t be nice because it’s safer than going after what you really want.

Don’t buy the drink if you don’t want to. Don’t give the compliment if you don’t want to. Don’t hold yourself to her standards, find your own.

What women hate, is when you hide your agenda behind a veil of niceties. When you are too eager to please, instead of eager to lead.

Don’t think of nice as a badge of honor, and stop being nice when there so many more effective adjectives. I hope this was helpful.

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Miss Solomon

Miss Solomon

Founder at The Dating Truth
Dating expert. Marketing aficionado. Lover of people. Miss Solomon has a passion for writing about love, creating love strategies and mastering self- love. She's the founder of this site.
Miss Solomon

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8 thoughts on “Why Men Enjoy Being Single And Hate “Dating”

  1. Become Happier By Avoiding Sex, Marriage, Fatherhood, And Parental Alienation Syndrome.

    [Introduction]

    My information is a combination of three stories. The first story describes one of the most important books that I have ever read (Adult Children of Parental Alienation Syndrome by Amy Baker). The second story uses information from online articles to reveal events that are enormously influenced by family problems (like Parental Alienation Syndrome). Parental Alienation Syndrome is probably the worst family problem because it can last for decades after the relationship with the spouse or the lover has ended. The other family problems can be eliminated when the couples divorce or when the unmarried couples separate. The third story explains why parental alienation methods were used against me by an unexpected group of people.

    [Book Summary]

    Forty adult participants were interviewed for Adult Children of Parental Alienation Syndrome (by Amy Baker). The book has a lot of long and informative quotes from those interviews. During childhood, each of the 40 adult participants had an alienating parent (usually the mother) that manipulated them into unjustly hating (or pretending to hate) the targeted parent. Many participants said that they were frequently forced to make hateful or belittling comments to the targeted parent even though they secretly loved the targeted parent. The book gives a detailed explanation of each method the alienating parent used to manipulate or brainwash their children. The United States would become a better country if every targeted parent made their children read and talk to them about this book.

    [Married Life With Children]

    Many alienating parents manipulated their children into hating the targeted parent even though the married couple lived in the same home. The targeted parents are usually unaware of this hatred because the alienating parents and their children decide to keep their hatred a secret as long as the targeted parents (usually the father) stay in the marriage. One child secretly wanted his father to die. The targeted parent thought that his spouse and child were at home in another part of town, but the child was watching him (probably through a window) because the alienating parent told her son to secretly spy on his father. As an adult, the child finally told his father about the childhood spying, the secret hatred, and the other secrets.

    In some marriages, the alienating parent made hateful or belittling comments to the targeted parent. In some of the openly hostile marriages, the children also made hateful or belittling comments to the targeted parent. During the marriage, children saw the alienating parent abuse the targeted parent (verbal abuse, emotional abuse, physical abuse, sexual abuse, or a combination of abuses). The author believes that many of the alienating parents had a personality disorder like narcissism (other disorders were named in the book). Family problems (including Parental Alienation Syndrome) affected the children. “Nearly half of college-age adults [19-25 year old students and non-students] struggle with a mental health disorder, from alcohol dependency to depression and anxiety. But only a quarter seek” treatment (“Young Adults Hit By Mental Health Issues,” BaltimoreSun.com).

    One reason marriage rates are decreasing is because more people are witnessing the divorces and the unhappy marriages of numerous family and friends. People that were older than 20 and had divorced parents were 33 percent less likely to ever get married (“Research Suggests Children Of Divorce More Likely To End Their Own Marriages,” UNews.Utah.edu). The percentage of people older than 18 that were currently married was 72 percent in 1960 and 51 percent in 2010 (“Marriage Rate In America Drops Drastically,” HuffingtonPost.com). “According to U.S. Census Bureau statistics, in 1980 only 6 percent of men between 40 and 44 had never been married; in 2008 it was 16 percent (“The Stigma Of The Never-Married Man,” Details.com).” Fifty-six percent (56%) of all men and 65 percent of men with bachelor degrees remained in their first marriage for at least 20 years (“Only Half Of First Marriages Last 20 Years,” Today.com). “Two-thirds of all divorces are initiated by women (“Debunking 10 Divorce Myths,” Health.HowStuffWorks.com).”

    [Child Support And Child Visitation]

    Fifty percent (50%) of the children born to married parents will see their parents divorce before they reach the age of 18 (“Statistics on Children of Divorce in America,” About.com). Custodial parents (usually the mother) can ignore child visitation orders because there is usually no punishment (“Visitation Rights Must Be Enforced,” Cleveland.com). One father was divorced, he had child visitation problems after the divorce, and he remarried the alienating parent because he wanted adequate contact with his child. Some mothers will ask the family court for an increase in child support payments if the father’s income increases significantly. A few websites like LegalZoom.com answer the question: “Can I go after my ex-husband’s new wife’s income for more child support?” The answer is that in “limited circumstances” the ex-wife would get an increase in child support payments.

    “Our [1997] data show that 4.5 million [56% of non-poor] nonresident fathers who do not pay child support have no apparent financial reason to avoid this responsibility. None of these fathers are poor (“Poor Dads Who Don’t Pay Child Support,” Urban.org).” In 2008, nearly 25 percent of parents did not pay any court-ordered child support, and another 30 percent did not pay the full amount (“Most Child-Support Payers Stiff Their Kids,” CBSNews.com). Twenty-four percent (24%) of custodial mothers did not receive any court-ordered child support from fathers, and thirty-seven percent (37%) of custodial fathers did not receive any court-ordered child support from mothers (“Child Support for Custodial Mothers and Fathers: 1991,” page 6, Census.gov).

    The primary reason for child support delinquency is child visitation problems. Another reason is a “vindictive or unjust” divorce process (“The Family; Why Fathers Don’t Pay Child Support,” NYTimes.com). “Men Who Broke” (FathersForLife.org) has many stories of men that committed suicide because of enormous child support arrears or child visitation problems. Some fathers that are victims of Parental Alienation Syndrome pay the full amount of court-ordered child support, and some fathers that were treated well by their families do not pay the full amount of court-ordered child support. Father’s family court problems were explained extremely well in A Promise to Ourselves by Alec Baldwin (book) and Divorce Corp by Joseph Sorge (book and DVD).

    When the children became adults that no longer lived with either parent, many alienating parents (usually the mother) would continue to prevent their children from establishing a relationship with the targeted parent. Many adult alienated children eventually had a positive relationship with the targeted parent. Many children will be permanently alienated from their fathers. Single divorced men with permanently alienated children and never-married men that never had children will be in a SIMILAR situation in their old age.

    [Old Age]

    “In-Home Care For Frail Childless Adults” (Urban.org) reveals the percentage of frail older men (age 65 and older) living in the community that receive in-home care from paid help and unpaid help (family and friends). The information excludes men living in nursing homes and assisted living facilities. Frail unmarried older men with no children received help 50.4 percent of the time (37.9% unpaid help and 20.3% paid help). Frail older men (both married and unmarried) with two children received help 59.8 percent of the time (58.4% unpaid help and 9.3% paid help).

    Nursing homes and assisted living facilities are alternatives to in-home care. “Ohio nursing home and assisted living facility residents rated their overall satisfaction with the care they receive in the ‘B+’ range, according to a statewide survey by the Ohio Department of Aging (“Ohio Nursing Home Residents Rate Facilities Well In State Survey,” Cleveland.com). During old age, the entire Social Security payment of some fathers is confiscated by the government to pay child support (current and past-due). It does not matter if the child is an adult, if the debt was created decades ago, or if the father does not have another source of income (“Child Support vs. Social Security,” BankRate.com).

    [Share The Wealth]

    The emotional harassment that I experienced from an unexpected group of people (since 2001) is very similar to the parental alienation methods described in this book. Before I joined the Navy, I almost always worked minimum wage jobs (mostly in Atlanta, GA). My female Navy enlisted recruiter encouraged me to become a Navy Officer because she saw that I had a bachelor’s degree. I was too old to qualify for most officer job categories as a civilian. The age limits were higher for Navy enlisted personnel. I was interested in the officer program during my first several months of active duty, but I decided not to apply. For ten years (2001-2011), I was a Navy enlisted sailor on active duty in San Diego (CA). My significantly improved financial status caused women and society to change from not caring about my personal life to using emotional harassment to demand that I get a girlfriend and become a father.

    I live alone, I have never been married, and I do not have any children. I used to have sex with women before I began practicing sexual abstinence. “Effectiveness Of Family Planning Methods” (CDC.gov) and “Contraception” (CDC.gov) reveal that the “typical use failure rate” for condoms is 18 pregnancies per 100 women per year (18 percent). Some single condom users want to wear two condoms at the same time. A few women that want to get pregnant will lie and say that male contraceptives are not needed because they are sterile or because they are using female contraceptives. I am happy practicing sexual abstinence and avoiding having a girlfriend because both plans allow me to avoid marriage and fatherhood. The percentage of women at the end of their childbearing years (the 40-44 age group) that have never given birth was 10 percent in 1976 and 18 percent in 2008 (“Childlessness Up Among All Women,” PewSocialTrends.org).

    For the first time in my life (starting in 2001, when I was 32 years old), there was an extreme and coordinated effort to emotionally harass me at work and near my home. The emotional harassment continued after I moved from Atlanta (GA) to San Diego (CA). When I was near my home, strangers that I saw only once would either emotionally harass me or spy on me (child spying is described in my third paragraph). A hacker could spy on my laptop or smartphone (“WiFi Snooping: Who’s Spying On Your Laptop?,” KMOV.com). Company employees can view customer information like my online email account, my bank account, and my brokerage account (“Employees Snoop On Customer Data,” ABCNews.Go.com). My harassers often have information (negative and positive) that I did not reveal to anyone.

    [Doctor’s Visit]

    I was VERY ANGRY at the beginning of the emotional harassment (in 2001), but I got used to it. In 2010, my Commanding Officer (O-6 rank) forced me to see a psychiatrist even though I felt fine. I learned that the Navy does not need a very good reason to make a service member see a psychiatrist. I took a psychological test, and I talked to the psychiatrist. At the beginning of the session, I put a tape recorder on the table. I told the psychiatrist that I will record the entire session. I did not tell her that if I received an unfair diagnosis, then I would have used the tapes to get a second opinion from a psychiatrist that I would have hired. One year after I left the Navy, I destroyed the tapes. The psychiatrist decided that I should live at a Navy mental hospital for three days for observation. The Navy mental hospital told me that I did not have any mental disorders.

    The psychiatrist said that information from my session would be revealed to my high-level supervisors (E-9 rank and above). Even if I was not warned, I would not have told the psychiatrist anything that I did not want the entire world to know. The harassers at my new job location and near my home knew specific things that I told the psychiatrist. The harassers were unable to get any damaging information. Before my 2005 re-enlistment, I knew that I would leave the Navy in 2011 (Honorable Discharge as an E-5). The emotional harassment will last for the rest of my life because I will not become an ATM machine (paying child support for my alienated children that I am rarely allowed to contact). “’In the 1950s, if you weren’t married, people thought you were mentally ill,’ said Andrew J. Cherlin, a Johns Hopkins University sociologist who studies families (“Married Couples At A Record Low,” WashingtonPost.com).”

    [The Boycott]

    The emotional harassment increased my desire to do research on marriage and fatherhood. The more research I did, the worse marriage and fatherhood looked. Marriage and fatherhood is much worse than the emotional harassment that I frequently deal with. I am used to the emotional harassment. The only major problem that I have is unemployment. Avoiding sex, marriage, and fatherhood means that I solved my future problems with family court and the unfair fatherhood laws BEFORE it was too late. If a large percentage of men boycotted family court and the unfair fatherhood laws for their entire life, then society would eventually be FORCED to create a better system. MGTOW (Men Going Their Own Way) in the United States and Herbivore Men in Japan are large groups of men that are avoiding sex, marriage, fatherhood, and Parental Alienation Syndrome.

    A Promise to Ourselves by Alec Baldwin (book) and Divorce Corp by Joseph Sorge (book and DVD) exposes a broken family court system that frequently does not care about “the best interests of the child.” Any solution to family court and the unfair fatherhood laws should have the goal of preventing unfair changes to the improved system after the children are born. One possible solution would be to pass laws that create “parental contracts” (similar to prenuptial agreements) that cover child custody, child visitation, and child support payments. The “parental contract” could require both parents to allow yearly “parental alienation awareness training” for their children.

    The “parental contract” laws would reduce the number of unfair negotiated contracts. The law would have mandatory minimum child support payments. The “parental contracts” would allow both parents to avoid paying child support if both parents have an equal amount of child custody. If the custodial parent refused a non-custodial parent’s child visitation, then there could be a two-part punishment in the “parental contract” (a “flow reversal” punishment). In the first part, the permanent non-custodial parent would get temporary custody of the children for at least one month. In the second part, the direction of the child support payments would reverse during the temporary custody period. The permanent custodial parent would have to pay child support. A fair system would mean that fewer non-custodial parents would have child support arrears. Allegations of child abuse would have to be proven in a CRIMINAL court. A conviction would authorize the criminal court (not the family court) to punish the defendant by canceling or by modifying their “parental contract.” Parents (married and unmarried) without a “parental contract” would be in another system. [Written by Michael Anthony Hill in Miami, FL (07-01-14)]

  2. I don’t understand dating. It takes so much effort, and for what? I don’t get anything out of it. Maybe my mom will stop nagging me about it, but what reward is that? Everyone knows that the sex doesn’t last, and that women are hard to deal with. The woman you marry will more than likely divorce you, take the kids, the house, and force you to pay alimony. Sex is not why men enter long term relationships, they do it because they want support. WE want support, we want a stable life style. We want to be loved, but with the constant attention women desire/need we feel under valued. As if we live only to serve. Sex cannot be the only thing a woman has to offer, we seek companionship. Also side note, we don’t want sluts. Sluts are far more likely to leave at the first sign of boredom. What I want is a nice christian (virgin) girl who wants to raise a family with me (not a double standard in my case). Why do women think being a house wife is such a bad thing? That’s a full time job, why would you leave your kids with a daycare? The daycare will teach your kids their morals and beliefs. You might as well not even have kids if you’re going to let someone else raise them. /rant

  3. It is much easier dating game when you young in high school and college, after you graduate is much harder. Because many single woman are probably still hangout with their EX or had relationship with their boss or coworker. The older they are, they more male friend they would had and more to choose from.

  4. And with so many Career women nowadays that are so very high maintenance, independent, selfish, spoiled, greedy, picky, and so very money hungry which really speaks for itself why many of us Good men are Single now and will stay Single since the women of today are really to Blame.

    1. Thank you for your comment. I can attest that there are a lot of great people, men and women, who can’t seem to cross paths leaving many of them single. I don’t agree that there is more of a certain kind of woman just as there isn’t more of a certain kind of men. Where I live women accuse men of being too childish or having “Peter Pan” syndrome. While our society has changed, I believe that finding a partner is the work of the individual. It’s as easy or difficult as you expect it to be and surprisingly enough what you expect to find, you usually find. Thank you again for reading and commenting.

      1. Well the women in the past back in the old days were really Quite different than the women that we now have out there today that really do make it very Difficult for many of us Good men that really Should’ve been all settled down by now since the women of today have really Changed for the Worst Of All unfortunately. That is the Real Reason why our Family Members were very Blessed finding Real Love with one another back then since it really did come very Easy for them as you can see. And many of our Family Members are still Amazingly together today as i speak as well. With all these Reality Shows that they now have on TV really has Corrupted many of these women’s mind and Brought out the Evil in them which even the Media has added to the problem too. And i will certainly admit that i really Hate so much being a Single man since Most of my friends are all settled down now since their life is Definitely very much Complete. So it is Not our Fault why many of us men Can’t find Real Love at all today since we No Longer live in the Past when it really did come very Easy at that time. And when we see a woman that we would like to start a Normal Conversation with which she will Curse at us for No Reason at all since this really did happened to me at one time when a friend of mine about a Month after me had the same thing happened to him as well. Just too many very Pathetic Psycho women nowadays unfortunately that do add to our problem since we really have No Reason to Blame ourselves at all. Just born at a very bad time for many of us. Yes, Quite a Change today since the Past.

        1. Thank you so much for your honesty and for sharing your comment. Also, thank you for visiting my page. I have to share just one thing that I truly believe. Nothing can stop you from having what you want in life, as long as you truly believe that you can have it. If I believed statistics, it might tell me that blogging or giving dating advice isn’t a lucrative career or that it’s hard to stand out online. While I know what you experience is true for you, nothing stops you from finding and having love in your life but you. The past has happened and you can’t go back. For most women, the past was a sad and oppressive time and we’re happy that we’re not there. But to your point, you attract what you are. If you’re attracting what you don’t want or women that you don’t like, or think are not for you then you’re probably focusing on that type of woman too much. The first key to success in dating is actually liking the person you want to date. You can make blanket statements about women but it won’t get you any closer to having a healthy relationship with one. My advice is to start with empathy. Where can you show compassion for the women that you’re encountering? I don’t believe in evil but I won’t argue with your point, I’ll just add another perspective. I hope this was helpful.

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