I recently met a man whose number I didn’t get. Although I was drinking, I remember thinking he was cute, I remember giving him my number and I remember he asked me what my plans were for the next day. I felt like I was on my game but something stopped me from really going in and sealing the deal. I thought about this for a few days and I realized; I’m getting desperate. He was forty years old and I think he said something that made me think he was poor otherwise I’m sure I would’ve been all over it.
Now realize that my desperate is still a whole lot better than most peoples but its still not a good thing. There are many reasons that single men and women find themselves feeling desperate. It usually starts off small, a feeling stemming from loneliness. That feeling gradually builds into thinking you may never find someone.
Maybe it is you then finally there you are in desperation land. So how do you know when you’re desperate and what should you do about it?
You know you’re desperate once you compare the person you settle for with the person you truly want and there is a drastic difference. You know you’re desperate when the person you find has the most potential isn’t good looking but they’re better looking than everyone else in the room. Had I made contact with this man, made out with him, slept with him, called him on the phone, whatever, he may have looked cute for forty years old but he was no Mehcad Brooks.
But I thought about this man for days thinking that I had lost my touch. When you’re desperate not only do you settle but you’re gripped with insecurity. The difference between settling and desperation is that when you settle you feel confidant that you have the upper hand. You believe that you could’ve done better and you’re assured that this person likes you more than you like them.
When you’re desperate, you’re unsure. Every person you meet has the power to reject you and once you decide on one particular person their feelings towards you means the world. Desperation turns average looking people into supermodels and brain surgeons.
So how do you avoid being desperate?
Realize that nothing is better than nothing. When it seems that you’re alone and you think that having anyone is better than having no one slap yourself. It’s not true. You must resolve that you would rather have nothing than something that’s just slightly better than nothing. Choosing nothing over some bullsh*t confirms your self worth and confidence. Dignity might not mean much on a cold winter’s night but it will mean a hell of a lot once you meet the right person. You’ll be relieved that you never got caught up with a timewaster.
But it’s much easier said than done. I know this for a fact as I meet mediocre men and actually considering meditating on them calling me. It’s a waste of time and thought.
Susan Page, author of, ‘If I’m so wonderful why am I still single,’ wrote is best: “BTNs (better than nothing) drain away your good, positive energy in endless repetitive hassles…but an even worse problem with BTNs is that they chip away, slowly but steadily, at your self-esteem and sense of well being. They make you doubt yourself.”
Honestly, why is it so hard to have hope these days? With there being more single men and women now than ever, why do single men and women feel desperate? Do you believe that you will or will not find what you’re looking for?
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