A friend of mine calls my phonebook the pet cemetery. When I think I am absolutely done with a man, I delete his number and I move on. Months, sometimes years will pass and this man starts calling me again. I have a repeated history of not being able to get men out of my life. Le sigh.
I think we all know the universal signs of being blown off and I execute all of them very proficiently.
When single men and women can’t get the signs through their heads they send the message they’re desperate. The biggest mistake single men and women make is appearing to be ‘unwanted’ and ‘undesirable’.
If you were being heavily pursued by others you wouldn’t have the time to rehash past affairs and contact those who clearly want nothing to do with you, you wouldn’t even be thinking about them.
So let’s be honest with ourselves, why are you still thinking about this person?
A few weeks ago a man text me that I’d met over four months prior. I told him that I had heard of the three-day rule but never a three-month rule. My estimation was that this man had spent the last few months lonely and unable to find a woman as friendly and cute as myself.
I don’t think that he even remembered my name but he was willing to risk it due to sheer desperation.
Another man who I had dated over four years ago had decided to make contact with me as well but I didn’t even entertain him with a response. This is what you have to know about being blown off. Your ego should be your guide. It is one of the few times where your pride is an asset. The genuine rule, and this is where honesty is so important, is to remember who ended the interaction. Of course it’s possible the courtship ended as a result of an error in communication.
I was dating a guy who was super
wealthy sweet, right before I lost my cell phone.
Communication had been a little dicey due to our incredibly busy schedules. It took me about a week to get a new phone and I no longer had his contact information. I’m sure he thinks I blew him off. If he were to contact me again I would appreciate it but I can understand why the chance of that happening is slim to none. This is the exception not the rule.
Generally in dating when you don’t hear from someone it’s on purpose. Here are a few rules of engagement to abide by.
When it comes to general calling, if someone has given you their number and you are reaching out to them for the first time you are allowed two initial calls and a follow-up call but absolutely only one voicemail! When I call a guy for the first time, (yes I call guys!)
I make sure to leave a voicemail on the first call. If something goes wrong or say their voicemail box is full I will call again either later that night or one day later. Personally, I screen all of my calls and I never return a call to a number if they have not left a voicemail. Leaving a voicemail is your friend. It is proof that you called and it’s highly unlikely that they will not get your voicemail. Let’s say, they didn’t. In fact let’s say that they received a phone call the exact moment that you were calling and they have no idea that you called at all. It’s perfectly fine to call again. Whether you want to wait anywhere from two to twenty-four hours is your choice.
Initially you definitely should think positively. Believe that this person can’t wait to connect with you just as much as you want to connect with them. It should never be assumed that someone is blowing you off from the jump because you’re a wonderful person with good judgment and a lot to offer, right? *wink* *wink* So you are onto the third call and you have not heard from this person. This third call is to be absolutely sure that you have covered all bases in trying to reach this potential date. There are many circumstances that could be impeding your progress but in dating most people are the rule.
Let’s not assume they dropped their phone in a toilet or had to leave town and left their phone charging on the kitchen counter. Everything is running smoothly, the universe is in working order, you have already called twice, left one message and you have not heard a word back. This third call is for the eternal optimist or a desperate Debbie, your call.
For those who like to text, I encourage you to get some f*cking guts. Let me tell you the thing about texting, from a champion texter. It’s a relationship killer. I am a textual person and I appreciate above all else that warm fuzzy feeling of popularity I get from the friends and potential dates that text me.
And true in these tough economic times not everyone has the kind of work environment that allows casual cell phone conversations, so texting is very convenient. But newsflash texting lacks emotional expression. You can not build an accurate emotional connection over text.
What you are feeling and what the other person is feeling can never mutually develop with just words on screen. That LOL doesn’t mean that they were really laughing out loud, it’s all words and emoticons to make you feel secure but it’s a false representation of what the relationship actually is. I text because talking on the phone is a step towards to commitment that I’m not really trying to make. Most textual people feel the same way but even texts have a limit.
I dated a guy who would text me everyday and our conversations would last for hours. If you find responses not coming in a timely manner, say two hours which is ridiculously lax then it’s likely that your possible date is not interested. My rules for first time text are to:
- Clearly identify yourself
- Ask a leading questions such as “What did you end up doing the rest of the night,”
- A statement of intent for a date such as, “I would really like to take you to that thing (event/restaurant/place) we were talking about”.
Let’s say that you have text this person after the first date or maybe two or three dates and gotten no response.
My rule for those who are blown off via text is to NEVER send anything that resembles, “what’s up”, “hi, how are you” “what are you up to” or other form of cordiality, it’s lame.
You know and this person knows that a blow off is a brewin’. Texts as the aforementioned are the complete result of not having heard from a person that you thought you were going to hear from. If you have any inkling that you are being blown off, which you probably are, you should never respond with a question. Text a relevant statement such as a reference to a movie you talked about or went to see; the restaurant where you had your first date.
Try a statement such as, “I am going to a concert tomorrow, I have an extra ticket if you want to come.” If this person does not respond, assume they are not interested if they text you back, “no thanks,” Do not swallow your pride, let your pride guide you, chalk it up as their loss and forget this person ever had your number. In fact, you should delete their number and if not at least never contact this person ever again.
We all have the potential to be blown off. It has happened to me numerous times, more times than I even remember. It’s a part of dating and we should all accept it because when you are dealing with a stranger you are owed no explanations.
The motivation behind your actions should be one of genuine interest in the person that you are pursuing not one of desperation or resolve. You don’t have to know why they’ve blown you off, who cares!
All that matters when you’re single is that you are looking for potential dates and possible love. If someone is making it painfully or subtly obvious that they don’t want to be in your life take it as an insult and move on. They are disrespectin’ you! This person doesn’t deserve your attention or affection. It is not up to you to convince someone beyond what you have already done that you are worth dating. You have approached them, spent time with them, initiated engagement and they have declined. Let it go. I hope this was helpful.