Why You Need To Get Over Your Shyness In Dating And Life

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Being shy is bullsh*t.

When it comes to dating, single men and women above the age of 21 can not afford to be shy. Not if you want to get a date. It’s a commonly accepted excuse label for adults who have trouble, no will, want or desire to engage in cordial social behavior. It can manifest as the failure to say hello to a passing stranger or the inability to make eye contact with a potential date. In whatever capacity your shyness shows itself, you must remember that it’s still your choice to be shy.

If you act shy, you’re not choosing wisely.

Adults who let shyness override expected social behaviors should understand their fears are irrational. The message shy men and women are truly sending isn’t that they’re scared it’s that they’re assholes who snub others. Now is the time to conquer your shyness once and for all.

The biggest mistake a shy person can make is thinking others aren’t affected by their actions or lack of. Your shyness can make others feel slighted, ignored, inferior and unimportant.

Shy people expect to be exempt from simply being friendly. I’m not asking anyone to walk into a room and be the life of the party I am only asking to first of all, stop calling yourself shy. Your fears of rejection, embarrassment, failure etc are natural but maturity allows us as adults to fight through those fears because none of those emotions put our lives at risk. Shyness is a choice. Once you can accept the fact that you are in no physical danger being shy should no longer be appealing.

The good news is, changing your attitude and reasons for not being more outgoing is easier than you think.

The responsibility to talk to strangers, initiate and maintain conversations shouldn’t be a chore. It’s what nice people do! Single men and women should have an invested interest in getting to know others. Those who are comfortable doing so aren’t naturally outgoing they’re just genuinely interested. When you claim to be shy what you are really saying is you’re not interested in other people.

You’re sending the message that no one is worth experiencing any discomfort for and that you would rather be comfortable than friendly.

This attitude of entitlement pisses people off. If your shyness prevents you from saying hello, sharing eye contact or seeming engaged, you’re showing possible dates that they’re not important. Avoiding eye contact sends the message “I’m not going to acknowledge you”.

While a shy person may feel intimidated or insecure they can make others feel inconsequential.

I want anyone who considers themselves shy to have hope. You should remind yourself that you don’t need to be outgoing, you simply need to be friendly. You have to want to make others comfortable even when you’re not. When you don’t know what to say or you think others just don’t care, remember that you’re trying to get to know them so doing all the talking isn’t required.

What is required is eye contact. Smiling. Asking someone, “How are you?” and actually listening to the answer.

Did I miss anything? Leave your thoughts below.

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Miss Solomon

Miss Solomon

Founder at The Dating Truth
Dating expert. Marketing aficionado. Lover of people. Miss Solomon has a passion for writing about love, creating love strategies and mastering self- love. She's the founder of this site.
Miss Solomon

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One thought on “Why You Need To Get Over Your Shyness In Dating And Life

  1. “Being shy is bullsh*t.”

    “Adults who let shyness override expected social behaviors should understand their fears are irrational. The message shy men and women are truly sending isn’t that they’re scared it’s that they’re assholes who snub others. Now is the time to conquer your shyness once and for all.”

    Miss Solomon,

    In light of the fact that we have never met and equally likely that we never will I find myself saying things about myself that I have never shared with another human being.
    I find myself compelled to express myself to you for reasons I cannot fathom. As I go through the material within your website my stomach feels as if it has been turned inside out. After reading the article about shyness I find myself in great turmoil. Call me stupid if you wish but I never thought of myself as an asshole who snubbed others. Although there have been times where I wondered if that was the case.

    In my past I have been determined to face specific fears. I jumped out of a perfectly good airplane to confront my fear of heights. It was absolutely terrifying to let go of that airplane but I mustered the courage to do so. On another occasion I did some technical rock climbing on Crestone Peak in Colorado where losing ones grip meant sure death. Somehow I managed to get through the ordeal. I obtained a private pilots license years ago and endured moments of shear terror as I completed the requirements to obtain the license.

    My most enduring fear has yet to be addressed. I am terrified of attractive women. They are both my nemesis and potential manna.

    I don’t even know if you monitor this website. You have put yourself out in the digital universe as a subject matter expert on dating. When I found your website it was purely accidental. I was not looking for advice on dating. Your website link was merely a footnote found on another site.
    I appreciate the honesty with which you give advice. Often what you have to say is uncomfortable for me to hear but at some level I know that it’s what I need to hear.

    Because of what I have read and taken to heart from your advice I have set up a date with a woman for the first time in 10 years. I have very low expectations. What is important now is that I get back in the game.
    Consider this a baby step.

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