What most single men and women really hate about dating are the negative feelings associated with approaching strangers.
Judgment, embarrassment, rejection, shame, awkwardness, nervousness are just a few of the feelings that men and women frantically avoid. These feelings are why many singles absolutly detest having to approach anyone.
For a woman approaching a man it can be scary but for men approaching a woman it can be downright terrifying. What creative way will this person find to make you feel like a complete asshole?
Trust me, having made men feel this way (don’t judge) I know that it’s not exactly on everyone’s to do list. Unfortunately, approaching potential dates must be done. If you want to have any control over your dating life, yes it must be done!
As scary as the approach can be, the easiest way to erase the fears of facing negative reactions is to only talk to people when you absolutely have a purpose. I never speak to anyone without intent. You should always have a goal in mind when talking with attractive people that you want to date. If you’re not comfortable having an agenda in you’re dating life then it’s likely you will continue to suck at dating.
In the past when I met a hot guy I would sweat in the uncutest way that a woman could possibly sweat because I was so intimidated. I didn’t have a plan or game I would hope for the best. I would have a man take my number and agree to go out with me but it lead nowhere and to nothing. I thought in a very fairytale sort of rationale. I had no direction. I thought if I liked a guy and he asked for my number everything would fall into place better than if it had been produced by Disney and Pixar. Not the case.
If you are a single person I recommend that you create 3 levels of interaction. The next time you speak to a stranger, that you want to sleep with, it should be with purpose. My suggestion is that conversations should be to learn, to be charismatic and charming and for a free drink date.
Let’s assume you are in an atmosphere where finding a potential date is highly probable. You don’t want to waste a moment with someone that you are neither interested in or compatible with. Accept in your head that you need to learn three details from everyone that you speak with: if they are single, if they want to go out with you and your deal breaker. (If you don’t know what your deal breakers are, that’s for another post) I have no problem with small talk but you should go no further than five sentences without knowing these answers. If you find out that this plausible option is unavailable end the conversation. Don’t feel trapped talking to someone because you started the conversation. If you want a conversation to be over with your hand extended simply say, “It was nice to meet you.”
If you are shy or nervous when talking with an attractive person, concentrate on the sole purpose of being charming. Imagine yourself putting on a show where your goal is not to get a number instead it’s to be received as charismatic. Notice social cues and body language as you speak. What if you don’t know how to be charming, charismatic and interesting? This could be the reason you aren’t more successful when approaching potential singles. Then you must make it your mission to create a more engaging, comical easy going personality. Again, another post to come.
Lastly, try to avoid conversations with those who you don’t want to date. You are doing them a disservice by leading them on and wasting their time. The minute you realize, its moot keep things moving. Don’t tell yourself that you might make a great friend; they don’t want to be your friend.
Mindful conversations change your attitude. It lets you feel in control and that control gives you confidence. You don’t have to waste your time ever again.
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