30 Year Old Virgins And Other Dating Woes
Last Friday on the Oprah Show, she introduced her audience to two 30 year old virgins. The common consensus of the show was although there is nothing wrong with waiting until marriage to have sex, there is something wrong with wanting to have sex and not having any. The brave women on the show, willing to share their stories were suffering from what many poor daters (not just virgins) have to deal with. TheDatingTruth is: Whatever your current situation is: it sucks. It’s not your choice but it is your fault.
"The bottom line is for all of us, especially women, is you need to know that everything you want, you can have for yourself," Dr. Berman says. "You don't have to depend on anyone else. If you want to take the reins of your life, you can create the love in your life that you most want."
That’s the advice of famed sex expert Dr. Laura Berman. No, I’m not a sex expert and to many people’s surprise and chagrin (mostly my dates) sex is not apart of my dating life. But the same advice can be applied to dating. So often we find that we aren’t meeting new people so it’s that much easier to continue, not to meet people. It’s time for a change. If you want to get a date, have sex or just be overall happier with your social life, the following ideas are sure to help.
FAKE-DATE A FRIEND. Enlist a friend of the opposite sex to spend an evening with you, just the two of you. If you don’t have any friends of the opposite sex, that should tell you something. Ask a co-worker that you like, any single person of the opposite sex, you can be yourself around will do. If people are hesitant to be alone with you change your approach. Buy tickets to an event, invite them to something incredibly interesting but don’t quit asking until you get someone to say yes. If “friends” aren’t willing to spend time with you what makes you think a stranger will?
MAKE 2 LISTS. Everything you like about yourself and everything you wish you could change and be HONEST. Self- esteem is the difference between who you think you are and who you think you should be. Obviously, these women on Oprah did not envision being virgins at 25 but as time went on their self esteem lowered. If this has happened to you admit it, accept it and start working on changing it. Maybe you need to get into shape or join a few groups to vary your interests. You might not have had the guts to make progress before but if these women can share their stories on national television, admitting it to yourself should be a piece of cake.
DON’T LOOK A MESS. If you are looking for a date you should absolutely never look sloppy. For those people who believe that love will “find them” it’s going to be that day when you decided to look a hot mess, wear something terrible to the grocery store then love will look at you and say, “Child, please.”
Looking a damn shame are for those singles who are getting dates already, singles who look so good they can afford to take a day off. (not me)
But it’s not for those who are looking for dates, wanting dates and can’t seem to get them. Like you know, you.
Every single man and woman need to understand that any indication that you can’t or don’t take care of yourself is a deal breaker. It’s a competitive market and dating is very superficial. Everyday could be the day that you will meet a potential date, why risk blowing your chances by looking like you wrestled an alligator before you left the house?
2 Responses to “30 Year Old Virgins And Other Dating Woes”
April 21st, 2011 saat: 7:00 AM
I came across this particulat episode of yours while surfing the net for a support group for virgins.I am a 24 year old girl who is obviously a virgin ,however my story is different i have never has any sexual contact whatsoever with guys before,I have never been kissed, i have never been on a date or even had a boyfriend..
And i honestly do not think there is something wrong with me.As most people would question if told the above and for that reason and also because i feel embarassed i have not informed anyone of my situation. my friends do not know about me being a virgin or this inexperienced, they think that i just opt to be single.Funny thing is that i have more male friends than female.I have always got on better with guys in comparison to girls so for me being this way really bruised my self esteem.
Not having dates in highschool or being asked out yet being the one the guys always came to for advice on relationships and what not and my female friends as well..
It made me think well how is it possible that i can give advice on relationships when i have never been in one and my friends think i am soo mature and have the best advice ??
However of late i have felt really worthless as i am getting older and hoped that the situation would change when i came to university.Now i am about to graduate in two months time and still no kiss…no boyfriend and no sex…
It makes me cry alot ..becuase my sisters and my brother who is just 13 has a girlfriend.it makes me feel so unattractive because to me its like why hasnt anyone wanted me!!!
April 22nd, 2011 saat: 5:07 PM
I was really blown away by your comment, I can’t thank you enough for sharing such a personal story! Your honesty is amazing and I hope my reply helps. I have found when you go so long without dating, contact etc you become very complacent. You just develop an energy that says ‘I don’t want intimacy’. You might not be aware of how straight forward you can come across and not flirtatious. This could be why you have so many male friends, they see you as one of the guys. If you want to break out of this comfort zone, which you have created because let’s face it, you don’t need to be beautiful, smart, funny, a nice person to date. You only need to be available. Anyone can date. Make a decision to yourself that you want physical contact with someone you have chemistry with. The first step is to see yourself as someone who welcomes contact and not someone who is afraid of the new experience and/ or rejection. Open your mind to the fact that although you haven’t done it before, you’re going to be open-minded. Its not that people aren’t attracted to you, typically it’s our own fear of being found out or put on the spot. Even people with great voices are afraid to sing in public sometimes. We can’t let our fear stop us from great experiences. Let go of the fear, accept that it isn’t going to kill but take the responsibility in create opportunities for interaction and physical contact. keep reading, and thanks so much for sharing. let me know if this helped. xx
Miss Solomon
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